Wow you guys! So many pages of posts have appeared since this morning! I've read every one of them and thank you for all being there for Barney and for me and Scott.
What a day. What a cat.
I had butterflies in my stomach from the moment I woke up to the moment he left for Rainbow Bridge.
When I opened his door this morning he was so chipper and meowed very loudly at me. It made me sad. But Barney just carried on as usual and looked at me like "come on, give me my yummies already!!", which of course I promptly did.
I went in to visit with him so many times and gave him quite a few plates of food too. I bundled him up and walked around with him again. It was probably the best day I've spent with him since I brought him home.
I kissed him hundreds of times and cried a bunch. Scott filmed me holding him just a few minutes before Barney and I left for the hospital and as usual, it is the darkest video ever but this time I'm glad because half way through I started crying when Scott started talking about Rainbow Bridge. So hopefully you can't see that part! I will post it at the end of this post.
I put Barney into a carrier and I hated the look in his eyes, he looked so scared. I loaded him up into our truck next to me. Scott said his goodbyes and then we drove down the driveway. Barney was meowing so much and I hadn't heard this meow before. He was scared. So, when I pulled onto our street, I pulled over and took him out of the cage and bundled him in his blue fleece blanket so he was all snuggly and I put him on my lap as I drove.
He never meowed again and was quiet as a little mouse.
The ferry ride was really rough and the boat was tossing all over the place. I was actually a bit scared. I thought 'if Barney dies from drowning instead of at the vet clinic, I'm going to be so mad!'
Travel time to the vet took about 45 minutes in all and he just snuggled in and didn't make a peep. He wasn't sleeping because I kept petting him and looking at him. His little eyes were open and he was just looking around but had his chin resting on the blankets.
We drove along the ocean and the waves were crashing in. I told Barney that his time was almost here. When we got there, I carried him in, in his blanket and paid for everything first so I wouldn't have to do it afterwards with blurry eyes.
A receptionist put us in a room and Barney remained so still. Robin the vet came in and she unwrapped him a bit and it was so weird, it was as if he had already been sedated. He let her handle him anyway she wanted and was kind of limp. Just an hour before, he was walking around, meowing and eating. She had a look at his back leg because that is where she wanted to give him the sedative. Normally he would have really put up a fight if you touched any of his legs but he didn't move.
I don't know if he was scared or if he was sleepy because he'd been bundled up for 45+minutes with me or if he knew what was coming and wasn't fighting it one bit or if it is all three things combined.
Robin gave him the sedation shot while I rubbed his head to distract him. She left us alone for about 5 minutes. I think by this time it was around 2:30 or 2:35. He was really out of it after the shot but at one point he sneezed and it really startled me.
Shortly after, she came in with the tech and they gave him the final shot. Robin said "it's time to go to sleep now Barney". Tears were just falling by the dozens from my eyes onto my jeans. I was so incredibly sad.
Robin was very kind and said that Barney sure found the right person when he found me and I was happy to hear that. I was concerned that she would think that I'd left him too long. But I think she could see how much he meant to me.
I was left with him for as much time as I wanted. It was strange to see him 'gone' but he was in peace and the suffering was over. I wrapped him up and took him out to the truck because I had arranged to drive 40 minutes south to a pet crematorium. I know the vet clinics also offer this but I've heard of some stories about ashes coming back that don't seem to fit the animal. A ton of ashes come back for a cat while the ashes for a Rottweiler come back in a box the size of a hamster. I was just so worried that I wouldn't get 'Barney' back so I found a small place where I thought it would be better.
So I drove down to the town with Barney and did a bunch of crying. I don't really remember much of the drive. Probably shouldn't have been driving. I called my husband and he said that he had lit a candle for Barney at 2:30 too.
It was starting to get a bit dark by the time I got there but I couldn't find it!! I drove on all these country roads and had to put my truck in 4-wheel drive because of the snow and almost got stuck a few times. I never did find it and when I called, they didn't answer. So, after about an hour, I headed back up to the clinic where Barney was put down. Around 5:00p.m. I brought Barney back to them and asked if they could have him cremated and explained that I couldn't find the other place. They were really nice about it and took Barney. I wrapped him in a fleece shirt that he always liked to sleep with and asked that he be cremated with that.
So, he is gone. Thank you all for your posts and support and candles. Barney is officially an angel now and I miss him terribly as I know all of you do too. He really was one amazing little cat. I'll never forget him and I'm so glad that he found all of us.
I will post a Memorial thread for him now. Below is the video of us just before we left today. I will post the other video in the Memorial thread.
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Originally Posted by kb2yjx
I'm glad that Barney is finally painfree and at peace now. We'll never forget you Barney. RIP sweet boy.
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