my parents.. suck.

[Oggyflute]

Not going to college or Univeristy is not the end of the world. Not getting straight A's is also not the end of the world. Your defining moment as a person purley comes down to how you are going to react in any given situation. Your descision to follow what path will define you as a person, whether you will take an easy road or whether you will apply yourself. You will make these decsions evey day of your life. The feeling you get at the end of that path determines the joy of receiving lifes rewards.

Will going to college make your life options easier? Yep, sure will. Can you still get where you want to go without it? Yep, sure can, you just have to work a lot more harder, and I had to work really hard. A lot harder than other people who actually stayed at school and went on to Uni etc. I left home at 17, and left school about the same time. I got a job and started earning some money. I eventually got in postion that enabled me to travel around the world, a few times in fact. During all that time I was basically self educating myself. It sounds easy but I assure you it wasn't. Being a straight A student probably just meant that my efforts were not wasted. I do sometimes think it would have been nice to go on to Uni to study industrial design as was what I intended, but I look back on my life and feel totally comfortable and happy with what I have done, what I experienced, and what I have.

To reach your goals in life, will generally start with learning the skills that you require. This starts at school and could very well go on to college/uni. Without apply yourself now will only make your path harder to navigate later on. Just remember that the goal you want is always there waiting for you.

[wolf_Q]

I was pretty much a straight A student in high school. I was never offered reward or a punishment for grades. But I did receive constant nagging and a huge guilt trip from my mom if I received less than an A. If I would have gotten an F wow I can't even imagine my mom's reaction... While my mom's nagging WAS annoying I am grateful that she convinced me school was important enough to try my best.

I don't learn things well, I just memorize things well...if that makes sense...I remember it for tests then forget it the next day, I don't feel like I actually learned anything.

I went to college for one year and it was definitely harder than high school, I think I got one C and the rest were A's and B's. I'm trying to convince myself to go back ugh.

Anyway (sorry for rambling a bit) I think that parents should set their kids up for success and encourage them to do their best. If a C is the best they could do and they really tried then they should be proud of them. Unless a child is doing badly because they just don't care and aren't trying then I don't think there should be a punishment.

[ramanth]

Samantha's Puppy... holy crap! You're post on page 2 hit the nail on the head.

When I was a teen I was like that.... 'What do you know? It's so hard. ect. ect.'

I'm 27 now and I'm kicking myself. Why didn't I listen to them!?!?

I'm living paycheck to paycheck, trying to pay for a wedding, and I'm so lucky that my parents set some money aside for my wedding, but now, I've dipped into it to pay bills because my money just goes *poof*.

They only want me to have more than what they have and to be honest, I'd love to have a house like theirs and be able to go to Hawaii... but ha! Not the way I save.

And I make more money than Andy. I love him very much but the thought of starting a life together scares the crap out of me. Neither of us are good at saving and my parents try to tell me but do I listen? Nooooooo....

But I digress....

It's true every situation is different.

My aunt is a wonderful artist but she never went to college...never got a degree. She had an awesome job doing what she loved.

Then one day, management changed, and she was let go and a guy with a degree hired into her position.

She now works in a factory because no one will hire her because she doesn't have a degree.

Maybe some people can get lucky, but it never hurts to have that slip of paper.

I was a horrible test taker too. I'm content that I did my best. I had a 3.0 average and to be honest, I don't think the college I went too ever looked at my High School grades. Maybe it was because they were a community college... I don't know. I'm sure the bigger name colleges look at that, but I'm not certain.

I'm just rambling now....

[CalliesMom]

I grew up in a middle class home where my parents struggled to support themselves and three children. My father wanted my brother and myself (my other brother is mentally handicapped) to go to college so that we did not have to go through the same hardships that he did. My brother was the first person in our family to graduate and I was the second. My brother and his wife have a wonderful home and do not have the same struggles that my father and mother had--my brother just graduated with his MBA and would not be where he is without his education.

I know the feeling of living paycheck to paycheck as I'm a very poor graduate student and live off of my stipend. I'm going to school because I know that one day I will have enough money to send my children to the best universities, to have the home I've always wanted, to truly enjoy life as I see fit. Having an education simply makes getting a job that much simpler--people have been able to make great livings without any sort of degree but to be honest, it is quite difficult.

I do want to say that what I want in life is not what others may want. In the end, you must do what makes you happy and if college is not for you, it's not for you. It just gives you opportunities that will be denied to others.

[Cataholic]

"My parents...suck". Wow, now, I am sure I have said somethings about my parents, but, to say they 'suck'? No, I don't think so. It sounds bad. It sounds disrespectful. It sounds less than mature.

As to getting good grades..maybe your parents (and some of the other teenagers that posted) KNOW you can do better. WANT you to do better, and are trying to encourage you to do better. I know I totally underapplied myself in school. My parents didn't necessarily restrict me, but, they weren't pleased. I KNOW what I said when I was that age. In reflection, I KNOW I wasn't really giving it my all.

And, frankly, some things in life are harder for me than others. I still struggle with math, and am fortunate enough not to have to use it too much as an attorney. But, I am very glad I went through the paces.

And, while I think betting and gambling are fine pastimes in places like at the card table, or in Vegas, anyone of you teenagers in high school today are REALLY betting alot on your life if you don't think at least a 4 year degree is mandatory. Sure, we all know someone that made it without. But, that is a serious gamble. It isn't just the additional education, but, the exposure to people from many walks of life, outside your neighborhood, by teachers from all over the world, often, with unique views that you just don't find outside of a university environment. You will most always get the short end of the stick when up against a college grad, in most professions. You may cry, "that is so unfair". Well, that is life. I wouldn't hire anyone without a four year degree.

My 7 years of 'extra' education don't = huge house, BMW, lavious vacations. They = a decent atmosphere in the workplace, a decent car, a decent house, benefits, and the ability to pick and choose what I do with my life. My education had little to do with large salaries, and everything to do with pushing myself to make the most out of my life. Because of my education, I had the ability to secure a job making decent money, raise 7 cats, contribute to various pet charities, and raise Jonah on my own.

Anyone of you teenagers that want support, encouragement, advise, help with anything educational, I would do nearly anything to help you. I feel education is that important, especially for the females. It doesn't make us = to men in the workplace, but, it makes the gap smaller.

[popcornbird]

I've been going through this thread and reading constantly, but I haven't had the chance to add my two cents yet, so I will do just that now.

First of all, Bckrazy, while I do NOT think your parents are right to ground you over this, I feel YOU are incredibly wrong to say your parents suck, and to call them 'tards', etc. I'm still a teenager too. I have, at many times, gotten frustrated with some things my parents did/said. We all do. That does NOT give any child the right to call their parents bad names. Its wrong and disrespectful. Parents don't devote their lives to raising their children from birth to get this in return. If you don't like their 'way', have a talk with them...even a heated talk, but its never right to call your parents names. Just my honest opinion.

Regarding grounding for grades, I personally have NEVER been grounded in my entire life, and I cannot for once seem to understand what purpose it serves. Back in the days when I was in elementry school, one of my best friends was a girl who lived next door to me. We were both around 7 years old at the time. Anyway, we used to play outside together, every single day....ride our bikes, rollerblade, bounce around on our pogo sticks....just have fun together. I remember calling her one day asking her to come play outside with me...and she told me she couldn't because she was grounded. The funny thing was grounding became an everyday thing for her. She was was grounded several times a week.....sometimes for the whole week. I don't have a clue as to what purpose it served. It never helped her grades, never helped her discipline, and ended up making her despise her parents. I do not understand or approve of this method. Grounding is something that my parents have never done to us. When we had bad grades (which was very rare for me but it still happened a couple of times), they would sit down with us and talk to us about their concerns. My dad would spend HOURS helping me with math, every single day. Math was hard for me when I first started school. I didn't quite understand it. Now, its my strongest subject, and I have come to love and enjoy it. Math is fun for me, and I know its because of the time my dad devoted in helping me with it...in making it fun...in encouraging me. My mom did the same to help me in science and other subjects. They never once criticized me for making a mistake. They lovingly helped me correct those mistakes, helped me understand what I was doing wrong....and it worked. I've been a straight A student most of my life, and I KNOW its because of my parents, because if they left it to me, I would've neglected my studies and gotten C's. I didn't like to pay attention. I hated school. I wanted my work over with. If I didn't have that pressure from my parents, I wouldn't have done well. The thing about my parents though, is that they helped me by sitting down and explaining what I was doing wrong...how it would affect my life if I didn't do a better job, etc. They did express disappointment, but not once have they taken any privilege away. I think that's the right way to do it. Grounding is not the answer, in my opinion. It doesn't serve any purpose.

Now about A's and B's and C's.......I think its BEST to do what you can to get the best grades possible. Your GPA in high school counts towards the University you get into. Kids that just 'pass' but have a low GPA will have a harder time getting into the school they want to get into.

I personally believe its very important to continue your education after high school, though at the same time, I do not believe its a guarantee for ANYTHING. Its not. It opens doors for you in life, but the fact is, having a degree is not a guarantee you'll succeed financially in life, nor is not having a degree a guarantee you'll be a failure. Bill Gates is a prime example. The richest man in the world....and does he have a degree? Nope. A good friend of my father is another example. He has a P.h.d. (not a little 4 year degree.....a PHD) from Stanford University. It can't get better than that. Guess what. He's been jobless for 4 years now. The economy went down, he lost his job, and he has yet to get one, with his wonderful Standford University P.h.d. Proof that no matter what degree you possess, its not a guarantee you'll always be employed and doing well.

That being said, I feel its best to be prepared for the worst situations in life. I think men who do not work to get a degree are REALLY doing themselves a disfavor in life. The reason I say that is because men HAVE TO BE financially responsible for themselves, wives, children, etc. no matter what. Whether they are married, unmarried, whatever....they still have that financial burden on their shoulders. For women, that is not ALWAYS the case. I feel it depends on a woman's situation, because women do not always carry that financial responsibility. Many women do, but not all. Women in the workplace ARE very important, and there should be women working out there. We need women doctors, teachers, etc. I feel its very important for women to get a good education, and they SHOULD get one, but what I'm saying is...a woman may not NEED a degree in life as much as a man would. When a women gets married, the man is still traditionally 'seen' as the provider of the family. He will have to earn. The woman can earn, and sometimes must earn, but she doesn't always have to. She might have children to raise and care for. She has a house to handle...We all know how GREAT men are at doing that. LOL! Even if you have men help you, they end up ruining things more, so the woman has to do it all over again in the end (he he he). Women have a lot of things to do at home...which is why a degree is not ALWAYS neccessary for them. My mom has a higher degree than my dad. Has she used it? Only until my brother was born. She's been a stay-at-home mom ever since, by her own choice. My dad has always supported all of us. My mom took care of us...raised us... She worked HARD towards her Masters, for years...but the fact is, she could've had the same life without it. She didn't want to work once she had kids, as she didn't need to. My dad on the other hand couldn't quit working. As a man, he HAD to work to support his family, and he needed that degree no matter what. My mom had a choice in this. She could've worked if she wanted to. She didn't have to if she chose not to. That really, is my point. I feel women should have a degree because you never know what will happen in life. What if she never gets married? What if she gets divorced? What if her husband dies? Of course its not good to think negatively, but its best to be prepared for the worst situations. I personally do not WANT to go to University. I don't like it. I'm only doing it 'just in case'....Just in case I ever need it. If I ever have to support myself, I should have the capability to do so. I don't like going to school, and I *might* get my degree online instead (still thinking about it), but I will get an education for sure. Yes I know studying online won't be the same, but at least it is something that will open some doors for me. I don't PLAN on working to make a living my entire life. I would not marry someone without a degree though. I plan on getting married and having my husband do most of the earning, while I will devote my life to caring for my household, raising my children, enjoying life with the rest of my free time, etc. I feel it would be unfair to me to have kids to care for, a household to handle, and to work at the same time. If I have kids, I want to raise them well, and unless I had family nearby, I feel that would be very difficult to accomplish if I were working outside the home too. I feel children NEED their mother, and I wouldn't want to deprive them from that, unless I had no other choice. For that reason, a degree is not my top priority in life. Its a priority, but not the number One thing in my life. I'm doing it just to secure myself...basically. In case I ever need a degree, I want to have it in my hands. I do not PLAN on working for the rest of my life. I only want an education and some experience that would help me, in case I ever need it. Hopefully I won't need it, but you never know.

[catnapper]

I haven't read the whole thread, and probably won't be able to catch up at this point because I'm sneaking in a work break, and its already 4 pages long.... as a parent of 3 teens, we expect a lot of our kids. We help them with projcts and expect them to come to us if they are having a problem in a class - ANY problem, the teacher isn't explaining things properly, another classmate is distracting you or the teacher, not understanding the work, etc. We need them to come to us. If they don't and they bring home a C, then they are grounded til their grades go back up. We have one teacher that has it out for our kids. Did with my son, then my daugher, and now my youngest daughter. We've talked to the school, the teacher, the superintendant and all to no avail. We understand that bad grade on their report card.

Anyway, the kids all know that they are expected a certain GPA. If they do not get that GPA, they do not drive. Simple. We feel if they are not mature enough to come to us or a teacher for help in their studies they are not mature enough to drive.

My son is dyslexic. He has an "excuse" for bad grades. He also happens to be LAZY regarding school and studying. He always got Cs and no hgher than a 2.5 GPA each report card. He didn't care... until this year when he's 18. Not driving, and can't get into college. All of the sudden, he cares about his classes and has a 3.7 GPA every semester so far this year. He says "Gee getting As is a lot easier than I thought." Go figure, amazing what happens when he actually did his homework and paid attention in class.

As for stepparent... I am a step mom. My kids all live with us fulltime and their mom can't even call or send a birthday card for any of the kids. Nice, huh? Those kids are MY kids, even if they are not biologically related to me. The more the kids try to say "you're not my mom" the worse things will get, and the more she'll pull a power shift on you with your dad. BAD attitude for you to take with her. She IS your step mom and DOES have a say in how you are raised, and how to punish you when you do something wrong. Sorry. Learn to live with it and learn to like her, or life will get harder. My kids each tried it once. When they said "you're not my mom" I replied with a laugh and said "And you're darned lucky I'm not." And they are. I do what I can to give them a good foundation. Sometimes they swear I'm evil and out to get them.. its because I care so much that I seem so strict.

[Rachel]

Please understand that the people who have taken the time to post on this thread have done so because they have learned from their own experiences and care enough about those who are coming up after them to try to share what they have discerned over the course of time which may be several years or many. Read this thread carefully and take the points others have made into consideration. Nobody here is telling you what to do or what to think, but to give you the benefit of the wide variety of life lessons they have learned. I only wish when I was in my teens and twenties, I would have had the benefit of this type of forum to hear a variety of well thought out opinions and observations. I am older than the majority of people in this forum yet I learn something from those of all ages who post here.

In the words of that song....

*I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger. I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was stronger*

[caseysmom]

Catnapper...they think your evil and out to get them when your their biological mom too

boy that song is so true wish I knew then what I know now...thats where us parents are coming from...so much wasted time in youth because of other issues...

I want my kids to have a comfortable life..do something rewarding and not be dependent on any man. My mom was like that and so am I....hopefully I am a good role model for my girls.

[bckrazy]

wow, I didn't even think this thread would get one reply... n_n. this seems like a very touchy subject. Let me just clarify, that when I posted that I had just been screamed at and put down and asked over and over if I was trying to ruin my dad and stepmom's lives for 2 hours. I think using the terms "suck" and "tard" was putting it extremely nicely

My dad told me that to drive, I needed a B average. I got a B average. I also go to Independent studies, which is a lot more work than regular high school. I study at least 5 hours every day, including weekends, usually 8 hours a day... just to finish my homework. I go to ROP classes from 7-9 every morning, and I go to school 3 days a week for electives, Algebra and Biology classes. I have worked very, very hard... I fell behind last semester and I'm really close to being caught up in every class. I do all of this work, and they make it sound like I've done nothing. If anything, their grounding me and punising me makes me want to do worse in school, just because inside I do not want them to think that putting me down helps me to do better. I would appreciate it so much if they encouraged me and helped me, they never ever check my homework or ask if I need help.

I know for a fact that they're so pissy and angry because they're having marriage problems, and they feel the need to blame their stress and arguements on me. I was actually told 2 years ago that I had to move in with my mom because I was ruining their marriage... I've honestly never said anything to her, I've never criticized her horrendous parenting or her laziness or her insane money spending. I've been SO nice to her, you wouldn't believe it. Catnapper, I swear I'm not a spoiled stepdaughter. If anything, I've put up with way too much from her. She acts like she's known me forever and she can punish me and boss me around and scream at me about my school, while she has been married to my dad for 2 1/2 years and knows nothing about me. She also dropped out of high school and was a hairdresser for 20 years, so I feel like she has nothing to say to me.

I totally understand those of you who stress good grades... I know it's very very important. I'm a Junior, I'll be going to college soon, and I need to be more responsible. But I am trying my hardest - I do twice as much work as all of my friends going to regular high school. I know I'll have to go to junior college my first year out of high school, and I have no problem with that. I really want to go to college and get an education and be able to have a career that I love. It's just very hard to have my parents punishing me and basically making my life really crappy, and still feel so motivated to give 100% in school. It's tiring, and it does suck.

I completely know where Kay is coming from, and I agree with her. I have so much more going on in my life that is just as important to me as my education. Balancing all of it is freakin hard, especially with my parents grounding me and putting me down on top of everything...

[bckrazy]

Originally posted by caseysmom
Catnapper...they think your evil and out to get them when your their biological mom too

boy that song is so true wish I knew then what I know now...thats where us parents are coming from...so much wasted time in youth because of other issues...

I want my kids to have a comfortable life..do something rewarding and not be dependent on any man. My mom was like that and so am I....hopefully I am a good role model for my girls.

You're definitely a cool Mom, and after meeting you, you seem like an awesome role model. I know a lot of parents want to teach their kids from their own mistakes, but we would also like to make our own mistakes and learn first hand. I love my Mom, I wish I could live with her all the time.

[Logan]

I think we all know just how "hard" it is........we just want you to be able to handle it. Sounds like you are trying very hard, and I'm proud of you for that. Please understand that we "oldies" are truly speaking from our own experiences, as Rachel said. Hope it helps a little.

Hang in there and know that we are "rooting" for you every step of the way and if we can help you, privately, in support of your efforts, let us know!!!

Logan

[caseysmom]

sorry your going through this...sounds like they were taking out their problems on you...Its really hard to see the other side sometimes and parents are just as guilty of this as teens.

Look how responsible you are with gonzo...I wish my daughter was as good as you are with him. I guess if you look at it like that... I know would make an awesome vet...unfortunately you would have to jump through lots of educational hoops to be one...I don't know what you want to do but I know you would be great with animals.

[bckrazy]

Originally posted by caseysmom

Look how responsible you are with gonzo...I wish my daughter was as good as you are with him. I guess if you look at it like that... I know would make an awesome vet...unfortunately you would have to jump through lots of educational hoops to be one...I don't know what you want to do but I know you would be great with animals.

actually, I'm taking an Animal Health ROP class right now, and I'd love to be a Vet Tech if not a Vet. ^_^ thanks a lot, thats such a nice thing to say.

Logan, thank you! I do understand your side (sometimes), and I know parents (usually) mean well

[caseysmom]

Letting kids learn from their own mistakes is so hard as a parent! My parents were pretty naive...I was pretty wild...I go way overboard the other way sometimes....I don't want them to make the mistakes I made but that is part of learning too.