Prayers for hubby - PLEASE!!

**Pawsitive Thinking** · 10-30-2007, 08:35 AM

Maybe removing yourself entirely for a few days would give them all the kick up the bum they so obviously need (sadly, I have to include hubby in this). These two aren't the only products of a divorce/hard working daddy and it should not be an excuse for their atrocious behaviour!!

Having said that, you have enough on your plate at the moment and I know its easy for me to sit here and spout but if you and your husband are going to have any sort of life together these two need a severe wake up call. They want to run away? let them. They steal from you - have them arrested.......I could go on but won't because its not the sort of help you need at the moment.

Hugs to you, hubby and the little guy

**moosmom** · 10-30-2007, 09:23 AM

One punched me in the face and broke my new glasses because hubby was for once trying to put his foot down and all I did was say "you know your father is right" *wham* a flying fit into my eye.

THAT would've done it for me. Physical violence is totally unacceptable. Whoever hit you would've been out on their ass along with everything they own.

You and Grant are WAY too good to those kids and they know it. It's time a backbone is grown and some rules set down. They don't like it, there's the door.

**Catty1** · 10-30-2007, 10:01 AM

Physical violence - okay, lay charges.

And both you AND hubby get counselling. NOW. I am sure there are support groups for blended families.

JMO - Hubby has to screw the guilt and be a PARENT, because his guilt is making the kids', his and your lives FAR worse than his divorce EVER will.

It's not the divorce - it's how he is reacting to it. Maybe it is his ex's fault that he is where he is now - but if he stays there, that's HIS fault.

Maybe a little vacation for you would be an idea. A month, say.

It's their battle.

**Rachel** · 10-30-2007, 11:45 AM

In my thinking a parent's job is to prepare their offspring to handle the challenges and responsibilities of the adult world. In my experience with the adult world there is no free ride and one is faced with the consequences of ones choices. In that respect, your husband should consider whether the current parenting he is implimenting is really doing these young adults any favors. Unless he is willing to continue with the current level of financial support for the rest of his life, he is far behind in the job of preparing them for *life*. Considering the possibility his own health is in jeapordy only adds another dimension to the problem.

Try to sit down and figure out between the two of you some basic house rules which must be adhered to and the consequences if they are not followed. If emotionally he is *defeated*, he needs to reach out for help from a family therapist. This situation seems to have been going on far too long and his health is obviously suffering. The status quo certainly doesn't appear to be working.

**shais_mom** · 10-30-2007, 12:00 PM

Originally Posted by moosmom

THAT would've done it for me. Physical violence is totally unacceptable. Whoever hit you would've been out on their ass along with everything they own.

You and Grant are WAY too good to those kids and they know it. It's time a backbone is grown and some rules set down. They don't like it, there's the door.

I agree - I come from a very non physical family. But if I ever would have even thought about raising my hand to my mom my dad would have had me on the floor in a heartbeat. Their behaivor is absurd..

**gini** · 10-30-2007, 12:37 PM

I have the strongest feeling that if something isn't done to break this cycle of behavior - EVERYONE is going to suffer - more than they already are suffering.
And especially the baby!

Why do you allow this? I really don't mean to be harsh or not have compassion for you - because I do.

But all of these events are way off the charts.............maybe as someone suggested "you" need to get away from it all for a while.

Are you really going to live the rest of your life this way?

I am trying to be devil's advocate here - because none of what is going on is productive for anyone. When do you reach your limit?

**lizbud** · 10-30-2007, 12:42 PM

Someone punched you in the face? Oh, this is much worse than I had
imagined.

((Hugs)) I wish you all the best. No one should have to put
up with this situation for one more minute.

**joycenalex** · 10-30-2007, 01:55 PM

kim, i will keep you and grant in my prayers. if ANYONE had ever hit me, the next time i'd have seen them was at the pre-trial conference. kindest regards, joyce

**joycenalex** · 10-30-2007, 01:56 PM

kim, i will keep you and grant in my prayers. if ANYONE had ever hit me, the next time i'd have seen them was at the pre-trial conference. does this man understand/know how much you love him? kindest regards, joyce

**sparks19** · 10-30-2007, 02:49 PM

OH Kim that is horrible. I'm so sorry.... physical abuse is NEVER acceptable.... I can say what everyone else has said, that kid would have been out on their butt but Iknow that is also easier said than done. But at the very least you should have filed charges.... there needs to be a SERIOUS consequence for that kind of behaviour.... especially from a young adult.

I say you should start with changing the locks on the house.... they don't abide by the curfew then they can't come in without your permission. Curfew is say 11... they come home at 3 am to a locked house. Now they either have to wake you and face you and your hubby.... or they sleep on the porch.

But I know you know all this.... and I am very sorry they are taking advantage of you like that.... I think whoever suggested counselling for joined families might have a good idea there.

Good luck (((HUGS))))

**kimlovescats** · 10-30-2007, 05:21 PM

First of all, I am relieved that Grant's tests have been "ok" so far. I wouldn't hesitate to go to the ER though if things get worse!!!

Kim, you know much of what I have dealt with regarding my daughter and her "husband" and baby Jenna. Things have not gotten much better, but at least they aren't happening under my roof and my nose any more!!! I try to know as little as possible. The biggest thing that makes this possible, is that Jenna is safe with her other grandmother for now. I know you are in the same position that I was ... only allowing Ashley to stay with you because of Cam! That is the ONLY reason we allowed Amy Beth to stay as well. We finally got to our tolerance point and rented an apartment for her. Within a couple of months, she left Jenna home alone and lost custody of her temporarily. As much as I want my daughter to grow up and take care of herself and her child, I truly believe this has been the best thing for baby Jenna! Amy Beth is just now beginning to try and do the required steps to get Jenna back, and to be honest it scares me to death to think of her getting her again any time soon. She is FAR from ready!

OK ... my point?

Weigh the circumstances / costs / trade-offs and see whether or not it would be worthwhile to kick Ashley out to "sink or swim" on her own but allow Cam to stay until she can afford to care for him herself! I know she is in school, and I'm assuming you are paying for that ... but if she is abusing that GIFT, then maybe that can wait as well?

Whatever you decide, you know that I totally understand! Also, Grant's "guilt sydrome" is a big issue that I have had also with Amy Beth. The fact that her father and I divorced when she was just starting school and the fact that he basically disowned her when she turned 18. It is definitely easier said than done ... but I DO believe it is time for Grant to do the TOUGH LOVE thing!

Hugs,
Kim

**jennielynn1970** · 10-30-2007, 05:44 PM

Ok, with all that has been going on, the running away, the quitting the job, the physical violence, I totally agree with the majority here, that something has to be done. Now. Immediately.

If they hit you once, they will hit again. It only gets easier for them to do it after the first time. Been there, dealt with that (being hit).

Press charges.

Kick them out.

Get Cam taken away.

Something. Anything.

Reclaim your house and your life. You should not have to be working 2 jobs and staying out of the house to avoid your family. Next it will be your health, and then where will that leave Grant??

It might sound harsh, but do what you have to do to get your home back, and get those kids in line. Whether it means the police or taking parental rights away from Ashley... something has to be done now.

**Catty1** · 10-30-2007, 07:38 PM

Actually...Jenn, something you said just lit a lightbulb in my brain.

Kim - with what has happened, Cam could easily be removed from ALL of you, period.

If someone gets hit again and goes to Emerg...are they going to lie?

Does Grant want Cam growing up in this environment?

http://family-marriage-counseling.co...nnsylvania.htm

Grant's insurance ought to cover something there.

**sirrahbed** · 10-30-2007, 08:01 PM

God help that baby boy and his grandparents

**caseysmom** · 10-30-2007, 10:32 PM

Kim, You have been so good to your step daughter through her pregnancy and childbirth I admired how you stepped up to the plate, I shiver to think what my husband would have done and admired your husband for his big heart...too bad they don't appreciate what they have in him and you.