joke thread

[ellensy]

It was raining heavily the day my friend Andy drove to a client's store to arrange a display. Next to the shop's entrance, he noticed a car with its driver ready to back out of the parking spot. He decided to wait so he could take her place.

After ten minutes, however, he got a little impatient and tapped on the horn. The car still didn't move, and Andy finally drove to a spot much farther away. As he slogged passed the car on his way to the store, he scowled at the driver -- and was met by the blank stare of a German Shepherd sitting in the driver's seat!!!

[lovemymaltese]

cute one!

[AmberLee]

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his painting that were on display. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied.

"The good news is that a gentlemen inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. I told him it would and he bought all fifteen of your paintings." "That's wonderful," exclaimed the artist, "What could be the bad news?"

"The gentleman was your doctor."

[lovemymaltese]

lol

[ellensy]

LOL

[ChrisH]

Delivering Lunch

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various
appliances of old age, particularly the canes,
walkers and wheelchairs.

One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

[RockyRoad]

Ok, I got one, but no offense to the blondes!!

A red-head walks into an Adult Novelties store and says to the man behind the counter, How much for that pink blouse? The man says, $25. She buys it and leaves. A brunnette walks in and says, How much for that purple blouse? The man says, $50. She buys it and leaves. Then a blonde comes in and stares up at the shelf, Ooooh, she says, How much for that shiny-silver blouse? The man says, $100 she buys it and leaves. Later the man's business partner returns and asked how things went, his partner replies, I sold a pink blouse for $25, a purple for $50, and your Coffee Thermos for $100!

[krazyaboutkatz]

LOL

[AmberLee]

During one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents young Michael cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving. Don't try and stop me!"

With that he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close behind.

"Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and stop me."

"Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait a minute, I'll go with you."

[ellensy]

LOL

[ChrisH]

Kitchen Signs

I'm creative; you can't expect me to be neat, too!

Ring Bell for Maid Service. If no answer, do it yourself!

You may touch the dust in this house, but please don't write in it!

If you write in the dust, please don't date it!

I would cook dinner, but I can't find the can opener!

I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.

If you don't like my standards of cooking, lower your standards.

A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.

Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.

Countless numbers of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.

My house was clean last week; too bad you missed it!

[FloppsyLadySally54]

LoL these are too good!!

[lovemymaltese]

lol

[anna_66]

A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn't quite reach it.The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell. He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked, "What now?"
The boy answered, "Now we run like crazy!"

[ellensy]

bwahahahaha!!!!!!!!!