joke thread

[lovemymaltese]

that was a cute cartoon, thanks for sharing!

[lovemymaltese]

thought this cartoon was funny, check it out.

[krazyaboutkatz]

[anna_66]

A farmer was sitting at the table while his wife was
preparing dinner. His wife dropped a spoon and bent
over to pick it up. As she bent over the farmer said,
"Honey, your butt is as big as a combine."

The wife picks up the spoon and continues cooking
with no comment to her husband. As she put the dinner
on the table she dropped the pepper shaker on the floor.
While she was bent over picking it up the farmer said,
"Honey I take that back. Your butt is as big as two
combines!"

The wife picks up the pepper, sets it on the table and
begins eating with any comment to her husband. Later
on that night after the couple had gone to bed the farmer
started feeling a little frisky. As he cuddled up to his
wife he noticed that there was no response on her end.
He tapped his wife on the shoulder and asked her what
was wrong.

She replied, "Do you really think that I am going to
fire up $300,000 dollars worth of machinery for one
LITTLE corn cob???

[Former User]

A person who speaks three languages is called "tri-lingual," and a person who speaks two languages is called "bi-lingual," but what do you call a person who only speaks one language?

American!

[ellensy]

LOL

[lovemymaltese]

lol

[Former User]

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations across the United States and rest of the world.

Notice in a dry cleaner's window: ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.

Sign on motorway garage: PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS.

Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

[Former User]

Q: Diner: Do you serve chicken here?
A: Waiter: Sit down, sir. We serve anyone
-------------------------------------------------------

A construction worker walks into a bar. He's a rather large, menacing guy. He orders a beer, chugs it back, and bellows, "All you guys on this side of the bar are a bunch of idiots!" A sudden silence descends.

After a moment he asks "Anyone got a problem with that?" The silence lengthens.

He then chugs back another beer and growls, "And all you guys on the other side of the bar are all scum!" Once again, the bar is silent.

He looks around belligerently and roars, "Anyone got a problem with that?" A lone man gets up from his stool unsteadily and starts to walk towards the man.

"You got a problem, buddy?"

"Oh no; I'm just on the wrong side of the bar."

[Former User]

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!"

[Former User]

[gini]

Niina, that cartoon is a riot! Ya just gotta love her slippers!

[Former User]

Originally posted by gini
Niina, that cartoon is a riot! Ya just gotta love her slippers!

You know, that's what I saw first, those funny slippers! They're great!

[ellensy]

LOL funny cartoon!

[gini]

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themsleves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tell them

"The first one who can use the words "liver" and "cheese" together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me." The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."

"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever." She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says, "How well can you do?"

"Um -- I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever. "My my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?" The last of the three, tiny in stature, but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says.......

"Liver alone, Cheese mine"