In depair but I know I can confide in PT

**Ally Cat's Mommy** · 02-09-2006, 02:54 AM

Originally Posted by Edwina's Secretary

My brother and his wife very much wanted a child. They were very fortunate that some woman was brave enough to give her child the best chance at a good life.

My niece has grown up with animals....dogs, cats, horses (her parents are veternarians) a good education, extracurricular activities, travel...and very loving and attentive parents.

I do not understand people who say...."I could not let my grandchild be raised by someone else." I once heard this from a man whose adopted daughter was pregnant. How could he deny someone else the opportunity he had had? In my brother's case, the grandparents almost derailed the adoption after nearly a year.

Please encourage your step-daughter to pursue adoption. With open adoptions today, if she wants to stay in touch with the child it can be done.

What a wonderful gift to give her child!

I couldn't have said it better.

As someone who
(1) was adopted as a baby and
(2) had problems trying to conceive

I am VERY aware of how adoption can positively impact so many lives. As others have said, adoption gives couples who dearly want children, and can provide the best for them, the opportunity to do so. It also means that one less child will be brought up in less-than-ideal circumstances.

Karen gave a good suggestion re telling anyone who asks that she is acting as a surrogate mother (after all taking her financial position into account people would probably believe her).

As a Step-mom I can also sympathise with the pressure you are under - there are times when I get accused of being too hard or judgemental, when all I really want is the best for everyone involved - it's not easy!

**jojo** · 02-09-2006, 03:09 AM

Such a difficult thing to watch and feel powerless. But maybe this is the way it's supposed to be. Is she a good mother... whatever her choice in partners are? I reckon there isn't enough children in our world any maybe this is something good in disguise. Sounds silly, I know but you could be the step mum to the next genius of the world. I hope things work out ok, and your step girl realizes that she is going to be the most influential person in her children's life. Maybe she'll recognize she needs to make self respecting changes.

**Pawsitive Thinking** · 02-09-2006, 04:07 AM

Sounds silly, I know but you could be the step mum to the next genius of the world

Her 8 year old daughter is very bright but I am scared she will get dragged down too

At 27, and 5 kids later you'd think she'd learn

Just two kids (so far) and two terminations - doesn't really make it any better does it?

From what I can gather from her Dad adoption is not an option as far as she is concerned. Have sent her details of an organisation called CARE who are trained in counselling for unplanned pregnancies and the options available. At least she can be honest with whoever is on the other end of the phone (or she will be if she has any sense....which is a debatable issue

)

**jojo** · 02-13-2006, 03:22 AM

Again, I can't help much but hope that you all can find the positive in this. I hope for the childrens sake that your daughter finds the strength to change, because in the end that is all it is about, she finds it easier to not make the hard decisions and continue on in her security blanket of what she already knows. I want desparately for this to happen for the childrens sake, I believe that to be the truest form of love and commitment to them, I don't like the idea they be sent off because mother isn't the best, if you understand me. Those poor babies.

**Maya & Inka's mommy** · 02-13-2006, 04:06 AM

Being a mom to 2 adopted kids, I can only advize this: ADOPTION !!! That little baby deserves a happy loving family ! By giving it the chance of being adopted, is giving it the absolute chance of being happy!!!

**catnapper** · 02-13-2006, 07:07 AM

How is everything going?

I asked hubby what he would do if either of our girls were in this situation.... and he's saying the same thing your hubby is: He's her dad and whatever she did, he'd help her through. He went so far as to say he'd officially adopt the baby to save her from the mother. But really, how much help is it? She's still not getting the proper help she needs.

I am so sorry that you're stuck in the middle like this.

**Pawsitive Thinking** · 02-13-2006, 08:09 AM

He went so far as to say he'd officially adopt the baby to save her from the mother.

Hope this doesn't sound heartless but there is no way I'd even consider that. I don't want any more children and am certainly not going to give up my "freedom" because it wouldn't be her Dad looking after baby.....it would be down to me

**Sweet Sixy** · 02-13-2006, 07:19 PM

I am glad to hear you sent her info. on CARE. There are many groups in most communities that can help women out who are in her situation. There are also groups that offer services to moms who need it, such as helping with daycare, parenting education, counseling services etc. I am a caseworker and see these sort of situations quite often. Some people can not stand to give up a child, however if they don't take the steps necessary that child may be taken away from them without them ever getting the option. I hope that she can find her way and be able to give her children the happy live that kids deserve...I wish you and your family the best of luck with the situation.

**Pawsitive Thinking** · 02-22-2006, 09:52 AM

An appointment has been made for her to go to the hospital next week for a scan to see how far gone she actually is. If 12 weeks or under the "procedure" will be done there and then but if more than 12 weeks (which it will be) she will be given a pessary and have to give birth the next day..........................

(If she times it right this could all happen on the first anniversary of my Dad's death..........)

**Maresche** · 02-22-2006, 10:31 AM

I'm sorry to hear this is the route she has chosen.

Positive thoughts to you all that this go and quickly and smoothly as possible.

**catnapper** · 02-22-2006, 10:35 AM

I'm sorry to hear this is the route she chose.

Lets hope you can get some sense into her so that there will never ever be a "next time"

PS:

Originally Posted by Brody's Mum

Hope this doesn't sound heartless but there is no way I'd even consider that. I don't want any more children and am certainly not going to give up my "freedom" because it wouldn't be her Dad looking after baby.....it would be down to me

I missed this earlier. I agree myself. If I wanted a baby fulltime in my life right now, I'd have married another man who could give me one. I have freely admitted many times that I am too selfish to be a mother to a baby. I will eagerly be a grandmother, but one to a baby who eventually goes home with mom and dad!

**Corinna** · 02-22-2006, 10:46 AM

I would strongly suggest she has a her tubes tied while she is killing her baby so it doesn't happen again. So another poor child whos genuius ,could bethe one who goes to school and finds a cure for some horrable disease.