This is why I didn't want to come back and update right now. This has been very very hard on me. I feel like a family member has died. I've been depressed and haven't been able to sleep well the past week. A friend called at work the other day and asked about Rocky and I had to run into the back room and cry. Rocky is no longer with us. I am sorry but having to have BOTH legs amputated, and being blind and going blind in the other eye, that is no quality of life. If you can't walk and you can't see...I am sorry, but I will not make a kitten suffer that way.
Rocky's legs were doing great! In fact, he was even up and trying to walk at my house.He had a lot of life still left in him. He was eating great. I was going him his antibiotic shot every four hours, he was also on Amoxidrops and was reciving subcue fluids to help with dehyration. I have never seen such a pitiful looking creature in my life. Just looking at him made you cry.
Then overnight he went blind. Actually it wasn't even overnight. It was in a matter of a few hours. Now, in order for a kitten to go blind this fast he would have to have something terribly wrong with him. My vet was explaining to me that FIP usually attacks the eyes fast, and that is what she thought he had, since the next day his other eye was beginning to cloud. I will post a photo of it. IF this wouldn't have happened, if his eyes would have remained normal than I would have felt better letting him lead his life.
But after what Dr. A told me, and going home and then seeing him decline once again and become very lethargic I did not want him to suffer. I could NOT let him suffer. He had suffered enough and for me to make him life would be completely selfish of me. Dr. A didn't want to do the surgery until he was 8 weeks anyway. At that time we wouldn't have tested him for Leakemia and AIDS, and if he was positive she said she wouldn't do the surgery. The thought of me keeping him alive and him tested positive and doing all that for nothing just really weighed in on me. We were pretty sure he had FIP, and there is no cure for this. He also was having some breathing difficulties. I tried for this little guy, believe me! But, now Rocky is in heaven and chasing butterflies like normal kittens and enjoy running around and being able to see everything around him. I am sure he was greatful so many people cared for him, and that I tried helping him, but I am sure he is much more greatful that I was unselfish and knew when the time was right to let him go.
I can honestly say I have never had a kitten touch me more than little Rocky. He has impacted me in so many ways. More than you could even imagine! I knew the time was right to end his suffering when you could look in his eyes and see his plea for help. You could see the pain in his eyes. He wanted to let go. I think he knew. God, this is so horrible. So so horrible.
You can see his eye, the green one in which he went blind. I do not need anymore justification. I loved this little guy and for that I gave him his freedom.
~Rocky I love you so much. I cry everything I think about you. Not a day will go by in my life where you won't be on my mind. I will be wondering how you are doing at the Rainbow Bridge and I hope I get to see you when I die. I miss you so much. I remember the first time you purred for me. If only for a second, it was one of the most beautiful sounds I ever did hear. The thought of you suffering has made me stronger and has made me more determined to help homeless cats out there, and trap the ones that need to be fixed. Rocky, I never want another cat to suffer the way you did, and I will not be happy until that threat is gone. You have touched me more than you know. I loved you with so much of my heart, even though I had only known you for a short period of time. You will always be with me, and there is always a spot for you here within me. Hopefully your story will help others understand the importance of taking care of their pets, so we can avoid situations like yours in the future. I miss you baby boy, and I love you.
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