Ok, the tears are now flowing. Yes, this is a time of deep grieving and mourning for me. Most of you know how hard it was for me to lose my Tucker man ... and adopting Ditto was a sick attempt to make that pain go away. But losing my Tucker was the beginning of the end for me ... no other kitty in the world could ever replace my baby boy. I loved him far too much, and I had always told myself that if anything ever happened to him, that it would end everything for me.
I have tried for months and months since his death to keep on keepin' on ... but I can't help but still feel a huge sense of loss. Even though it was the damned (sorry) FIP that took him, and there is nothing anyone can do about that, I have always felt responsible some how. You beat yourself up with, maybe another kitty I brought in gave it to him, and thoughts like that.
Losing Tucker was like the ultimate slap on the wrist, the punishment for having taken the normal home life away from my original cat family. The only bit of comfort I get in all of this, is knowing that my original cats ... Grace, Harper, Hallie, Smokey, Dexter and Roxie ... now have their full-time mommy back. I only wish that I could have stopped there, but Tabitha is so attached (at the earlobe)that we couldn't part with her, and then my girls each have the ones they have bonded with, etc....
Also, the 3 (Boots, Marmy, and Bonnie) who were feral for so long, and have come soooooooo far, I am afraid they would have terrible set-backs if they were to leave us now.
For those of you who are going to miss Angel, my family was shocked as well. Angel is a gorgeous medium haired calico, just oozing with personality and charm .... she will most likely be the first to be adopted. Because of that, I could not justify holding her back. Angel deserves a home where she can be the pampered princess that she is ... and I know that she will find it quickly!
Thank you all for the loving words of support and encouragement, they truly are appreciated. The fact about my diabetes and health in general, is that I have been terribly irresponsible in that area. I eat all the things I'm not supposed to, and in more abundance than I ever did before.It's like I have been trying to deny that I have diabetes and show the disease that I am boss over my body. Yeah right!
Stress most definitely does play a huge factor in your blood sugar levels, and no doubt in my eating habits .... so I am beginning here with de-stressing as much as possible.
Well, enough on this book ... thank you again!
*note to self* What is it with mascara? I go for weeks without wearing it, and never cry a drop. The first day I decide to actually wear the darn stuff, and within a few hours, I cry it off!
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I just now read this thread and am so terribly sorry you are feeling such loss - of dear Tucker as well as your fosters. I know that you did not make the decision lightly to transfer some of your fosters to your friend's group. I agree with Twink, that it was absolutely providential that this group came along. You would not hand your babies over to just anyone, but perhaps somebody upstairs knew you needed the help and provided some for you. 
When a lifeline is thrown our way, it's always best to grab on!!!! Please take good care of yourself. It's not easy to do, I know but especially right now, you need to treat yourself with lots of TLC. ((((((Major HUGS))))))) and loving thoughts coming your way. 
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