Shina

[Aimyloo]

It will be 3 months today, October 5th at approximately 430.

I dont know why I didnt think to look at the clock while i was in there when she went. I just know that the vets stayed about an hour or so longer then they had to. I just couldnt leave her laying there on that cold table. I had brought her wrapped in a big soft bath blanket. I kept her covered and warm. I walked out of the room once, and almost made it to the door. When I looked back, I could still see her head, on the table....only partially covered to her neck with the blanket, and I HAD to go back. I knew Shina loved to be covered under a bankie. I went back in for a more than several minutes , I picked her up as best I could, hugged her and touched her all over every part of her body that I could, took the soft part of her ear in between my lips and did the little rubby thing I did, kissed her good bye for the last time all over her face and neck... I touched her soft fur...she always had THE softest fur. Anyone who ever touched her always commented on how soft she was..... I covered her all the way up, over the head and all, just like she liked it.

Im sitting here just sobbing and snottin all over the place as I type this. What the heck is wrong with me? I keep thinking, after she was gone, all the things the vet techs were talking to me about. I was pretty angry to find out that she was kept at the office for 5 days before they took her to be...cremated...after they said it would be done the next day. Shina didnt like to be cold.

I just want her to come home I miss her so bad I keep thinking Im doing better, but as soon as I have a spare moment and I think about her, Im in tears, and wishing I was with her.

*sigh*
***************************************
Edited for typos...since I was sobbing when I wrote this.

[shotzi]

oh Amy - that really is hard isnt' it We took my Niki right home with us - we had the neighbors backhoe in the yard and she was burried the very minute we got home! Fred carved her name in the tree right where she was burried and I kept her "snyd" (snydly whiplash - the squeek - one of her fav. toys) and her collar and they are in with me - she is right outside our bedroom window!
I'll share something with you - before we went to take Nik to the vet's - I closed my eyes and said "God - You gave her to me and I loved her sooooo much! Thank You - now I know, that You are callling her back home and I need to let go of her so that she can enjoy heaven and not worry about me!" It was so funny cause when she died - I KNEW she was going to heaven and I'd see her again! That is what keeps me from getting upset about it - I figure if I keep dwelling on her - she can't enjoy her rewards! Hope that makes sense - but it has worked so well for me -
I still see Niki's wrinkled up head in my mind - she looked so cuddly lying on that table - and as she looked up at me for the last time, she struggled up long enough to give me such a sweet kiss on my lips - my husband couldn't believe that she did that - the meds were already working and it must have been so hard for her to lift up her upper body- she was almost 200 lbs. - I know she loved me as much as I loved her! There will never bes another Niki!

[Rachel]

Aimyloo and Shotzi

There are a couple of poems which we have posted on occasion. I think today in honor of your dear Shina and Niki, it would be approriate to post them again. IF IT SHOULD BE....

*If it should be that I grow weak, and pain should keep me from my sleep, then you must do what must be done, for this last battle can't be won.

You will be sad-I understand, don't let your grief then stay your hand, for this day more than all the rest, your love and friendship stand the test.

We've had so many happy years, what is to come can hold no fears, you'd not want me to suffer, so, when the time comes, please let me go.

Take me where my needs they'll tend, only stay with me until the end, and hold me firm and speak to me, until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time that you will see it is a kindness you do to me, although my tail its last has waved, from pain and suffering I've been saved.

And please don't grieve, it should be you who has to decide this thing to do.

We've been so close-we two-these years, don't let your heart hold any tears... * author unknown

[Rachel]

Dog on Loan

I'll lend you for a little time,
A dog of mine God said.
For you to love while she lives,
And mourn when she is dead.
The years they may be six or ten,
Or even a few as three.
But will you, 'till I call her back,
Take care of her for me?

She'll bring her charms to gladden you,
And shall her stay be brief,
You'll have her lovely memories,
As solace for your grief.
I cannot promise she will stay,
Since all from Earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there,
I want this dog to learn.

I've looked the wide world over,
In my search for Master true.
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes, I have selected you.
Now will you give her your love?
Nor think the labor vain.
Nor hate me when I come to call,
To take her back again?

We answered in sincerity,
Dear Lord, Thy will be done.
For all the joy this dog shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter her with tenderness,
And love her while we may,
And for the happiness we'll know,
Will ever grateful stay.
But shall the angels call for her,
Much sooner than we planned,
Well know the bitter grief that comes,
And try to understand.

[tatsxxx11]

Oh Amy. It was 5 yrs. ago, Sept. 5th, at 5pm that my Jingles left for Heaven. I cried and cried that day, just as I do every day on the anniversary of her passing. I touched and kissed and committed to memory every nook and cranny of her precious body. I sang "her" song all the way to the vet's and held onto her so tightly, kissing her face, nibbling on her soft lips, whispering into her ear that I loved her, as she passed. There isn't a day that goes by that a thought, a memory of my beautiful girl doesn't enter my mind. She's so much a part of my being and that will never change. What gives me comfort is knowing that one day, in the distant future, she and I will be together again. I had her creamated (individual, private) and she lays now in a beautiful urn with her picture painted on it where I can see it always. I talk to her all the time to let her know how much I miss her and love her. I still cry, Amy. There's nothing wrong with you. We all grieve in our way in our time. Let the tears come. Time doesn't heal all wounds, but it lessens the pain. Give yourself the time you need and give yourself the right to grieve the way YOU need to. Shina was your most beloved and cherished best friend for so many years; your dog of a lifetime. It's going to take a while for the intense pain to lessen. Please know that many here know what you're going through. Come here any time to talk, ok?? Love, Sandra

[dukedogsmom]

Amy, this is what I plan on doing for Duke and you might want to do the same. It sounds like what Sandra was talking about. Here's the link to it. They are very nice hand painted wooden urns. Pretty reasonable in price, as well. And if it helps, I'm sitting here crying as well. Those poems and your story made me sad. I know Duke is my special dog and I cherish every day with him.
http://adirondackpeturns.com/

[Aimyloo]

Rachel- Thanks so much for the poems... I read them, and of course, cried. I will come back to copy them when I can. I have a small collection of poems such as the two you posted that I have been saving over the years. Several that I really LOVE, and the most important one that was a goal of mine to have back before Shina died, I have lost in transit. My favorite poem was in a dresser left at my mothers house... which she cleaned out, not realizing, before she moved here. I have been searching for years for that poem! I know its author unknown, I think it was called "A dogs ode to his master" and I remember a couple lines were like "I will sit outside the pearly gates, chewing a celestial bone..... for without my master here, heaven could never be home." and another line was the doggy talking to St Peter saying "I wont be a bother, I wont bark or make noise...id like to sit here and wait" or something to that effect. I got it out of an Ann landers column many years ago, and they have been no help in tracking it down. The two they sent me were not the same. Ooo got off the subject, didnt I? Anyhow, I just wanted to say thank you, I will add those to my collection. Someday, when I have enough, I will print them out and put them in a special album I plan on making just for Shina

[Aimyloo]

tatsxxx11... Im glad that you wrote, it helps me to know other people still mourn their animals. I really do think it will take my lifetime to grieve her. You sound like you were, and are, a wonderful dog mom and person. I guess I will continue to post in her thread whenever I feel the need. I just dont want to seem like a burden....burn people out with my crying over Shina.

[Aimyloo]

DukeDogsMom~ Shina has been home with me since about a week and a couple days after she was put to rest. I had ordered, knowing the time was coming, an urn that I had fallen in love with, because I knew Shina was going to be my doggy angel! I will post a link to it below. The one I ordered was the small frame with the original hand painted angel...so if it isnt showing, click those choices to see what I have! Be sure to look at the enlarged picture. Its so much prettier in real life. I have not put a picture of her in it yet, though. Would make it to real. I can hardly look at it right now, but I do walk by and touch her on the head sometimes. I had the vet put her in the urn for me, I brought it with me when I went to pick up Shinas ashes. Her inscription on her gold plate says:
"Mama's Girl"
" I Love you Shina "
" 6/7/1986 - 7/5/2003"

http://www.angelashes.com/products/oe/oe_phf_1.php#

[shotzi]

You guys are awesome! Let me tell ya about Nik's arrival. I had a rottie that had a tumor on his brain. We had to put him down and I felt awful! It was like a whole in my throat all the way down to my stomach - it ached! I was sitting at the table one day and looked down at the paper and I was crying for Spike - I closed my eyes and asked God to help me get over this horrible pain. And I looked down at the news paper and there seemed to be a light coming from behind an add - it said "free rottweiler" - oh I know - that was dumb to go for it cause she is a rottie -- but I did - I called her and found out a little about her. She sounded perfect and the woman said she'd be right over! Her name was Izzy (ugh - I like Niki better) and she dropped Nik off. She came to us with an infected uterus and a huge infection behind her eye - and she was addicted to steroids - which I did not know until I got her to the vet - which was a couple of days - enough to cause some problems for her cause she didn't get any steroids since she was at my house. Poor thing - she was 5 yrs old and totally fell in love with our family! She was soooooo awesome and there will never be another like her! We had her for over 8 years - she bonded to me like I have never felt before! My husband and I always say "NIKI"S THE BEST!". About a year ago, we found another rottie in the paper - this one was a kimbertal dog - very nice rottie! Excellent disposition and got along with Nik beautifully! - can't figure out why anyone woould spend so much for one of these lovely dogs and tie them up out back! She didn't even know her name - nor did she care when we said "come on Cloe get in the car! " She just got iin real happy and never looked back! We changed her name too - She's Sheeba now! She was also 5 when she was out of a home! ugh - what's wrong with people? When they get older is when they are thier best! So sweet and so gentle - and so loyal! and you are right - crying is a way of us letting out our emotions - God gave us those emotions for a reason - so don't feel bad about them - when I find myself getting upset about my Nik - I just imagine her being in heaven and running through fields and having a smile on her face chasing the other dogs - then my crying will start ringing in her ears - and Niki could never have stood that! And she would be pulled aside from her fun in heaven - to worry about me all over again and I don't want that - I want her to enjoy her rewards! So, that is how I let go and let God! Hope I didn't ramble too much - looking back at this - it doesn't come near the real story of Niki and my love affair! guess there are no words to explain - you need to have been in a relationship with a special animal to understand this sort of tie! But I guess this is the place to find others with the same sort of stories and be understood! thanks for reading!

[Sudilar]

Originally posted by Aimyloo
[B] it helps me to know other people still mourn their animals. I really do think it will take my lifetime to grieve her. /B]

There are days when I STILL cry over Wolf who went to RB Bridge in 1984 and Avalanche, gone, but not forgotten, since 1996. I will never forget them. They are part of my soul now.

[K9karen]

Rach, whenever I read those poems, I just totally lose it.
I love them but I lose control.

[Aimyloo]

Shotzi...I just wanted to let you know, I have been thinking lately about what you said here

"God gave us those emotions for a reason - so don't feel bad about them - when I find myself getting upset about my Nik - I just imagine her being in heaven and running through fields and having a smile on her face chasing the other dogs - then my crying will start ringing in her ears - and Niki could never have stood that! And she would be pulled aside from her fun in heaven - to worry about me all over again and I don't want that - I want her to enjoy her rewards!"

Whenever I start to get TOO upset..not quite hysterical, but close, I try to imagine Shina stopping what she is doing to listen for me...
As soon as I calm down again, I imagine her....giving me "the look" that she is okay and not to worry... and see her running off again.
Im not sure I explained the scenario in my mind as I wanted it to be here, but Im trying to let her have the peace you spoke about. I imagine that my crying out interrupts her where she is now, and I just want her to be happy. I guess its just a little excercise in letting go... but Im not quite sure Ive mastered it....

[shotzi]

Hiya Amy - I know where you are coming from! Just remember all of the love that you poured into her and remember that love never fails - and know that someday you will see her again!
My husband and I were just talking about Niki yesterday and how much we miss her. but I'm so thankful to have had her for those 8 years - now there is an ad in the paper for another rottie and it's the same person that gave us Niki! My husband is afraid that she has a puppy mill going on over there - and from what Niki was like when she first got here - they aren't being taken care of very well! ugh - I hate to hear of abuse and neglect!

[Aimyloo]

AHhhh! Poor puppies! I hate ANY kind of animal abuse as well. I dont find even joking about it humorous most of the time... Im sure you've heard jokes that kinda just turn your stomach. I guess maybe I take it to serious. Speaking of which, I go to this site everyday..I have it set to email me reminders to click and feed an animal (free to click) www.theanimalrescuesite.com
Maybe I will make a post specifically for that. Ive done this for a while now, I always envision the faces of animals when I do it, and the help they get. Shina would have wanted me to as well. She didnt start out in the best of places when I picked her out, but she wasnt abused that I know of. I wish all animals could start off loved...