Need some advice

[Dixieland Dancer]

Sammi,
I think what Aly is trying to do is stay off the jury stand. When it comes to your babies you sometimes have to take a hard stand for their safety and yours. Emotional safety is just as important as physical safety. If the lady had Lolly for all those years prior to Aly getting her, she had plenty of opportunity to take pictures. She doesn't need any now!

What possible good would it do except to stir more emotions that just need to settle at the bottom of the river of life!

[RachelJ]

Originally posted by Dixieland Dancer:
<STRONG>What possible good would it do except to stir more emotions that just need to settle at the bottom of the river of life!</STRONG>

Excellently put.

[Corinna]

I came into this one late, have had this happen when I found a home for one dog I rescued. The 1st owner found out I had the dog(how I don't know) and was very mad that I had rehomed her. (the pound had called me to get the dog out of there cuz they couldn't really do any good for her.) But then this woman wanted to place demands on me to PROVE to Her that the dog was fine.(the animal control had removed this dog and27 others from her care while she was in a mental hospital yup no one caring for them.) I had to get a court order to keep her awy from my home, please do not even give pics, and don't let the go between give any clue where sweet Lolly is.
Sorry if this seems hard nosed but been there done that.Don't want anyone to go though it.
PS In my case the pound put out the word NOT to give this lady animals.

[yorkster]

Wow, I don't know how I missed this subject.

Aly, you don't owe this woman anything. For sure no visit, and I think pics are questionable too.
I think it is kind of strange (and suspicious) that this woman would want to visit- what purpose would it serve? It would not help HER with recovery, and only prolong it. She needs to move on and hopefully she has learned something from this situation. I don't want to sound cold about her situation, but I really believe that nobody would benefit from a meeting- especially her.
As far as you and Lolly are concerned, it would be better that there is no contact. All this woman needs to know is that Lolly is in a good and loving home, and that should be enough.
If she has the dogs best interest at heart, that should be enough!

I have a friend at work that rescued an abused/neglected Rottie, and after several months the former owners STOLE him back. I don't know the details of how they found the address, etc. So I think not even pics.......I hope your supervisor did not give any info out either- I would ask.
My friend DID get their dog back, and legally it was her dog, so I don't think you have a worry as far as whose dog it it is.

Good luck with whatever you do!

[lizbud]

sammi,
Hey don't feel bad, we were not the 'only'
people who thought a picture might be O.K.
The opinion to not let this person see
Lolly again was, as far as I can tell,
unanamious !!I still agree this would not be
good for Lolly or Aly.
Aly asked for honest advice and she sure got
that(and then some), and I believe Aly has
made the 'right' decision for Lolly and for
her own peace of mind...

[ktreva52]

Well, I don't agree that pictures would be even what this woman deserves. Your supervisor should tell the woman that the dog has been adopted and she cannot give out any further details. It is no longer her business how the dog is faring, since she couldn't get herself out of that situation, let alone the dogs. This sounds harsh, I know, but all of the above horror scenarios could happen. Besides, you don't know if the woman has returned to her abuser and is seeking the dog to put her back into the same situation.

The dog is adopted -- end of story!

[Karen]

In my heart, I think a picture of a happy, healthy Lolly, with a note that she is now in a good home, cared for, and overcoming her emotional problems would do no harm, and might do a world of good. We know so little of the emotional, physical and whole life experiences of this woman, frail and an "enabler" though she be,that may have really loved Lolly, even a little. What harm could it be to let at least that part of her mind be at ease? I know that if I ever had to give an animal away, or had one run away, I would forever after wonder about its well-being. A visit would be bad, but I think one picture and a brief note, passed anonymously on, might be a good thing, I honestly do.

[RachelJ]

Well, we know one thing for sure...you ask this bunch for advice and you open the flood gates.

[tatsxxx11]

Please don't be angry with me everyone. I really didn't want to pipe in....But, I agree with Karen Moderator 100%.

Lolly is now a happy, healthy, totally adored fur pup of one of the sweetest, most dedicated animal lovers on the planet. Lolly is Aly's and that is where she belongs, now and FOREVER. NO QUESTION ABOUT IT!!! But, having had a friend who was a victim of battering and abuse, I learned the horrors of spousal abuse and all of it's ramifications. I can only imagine the pain, should I forever become seperated from my girls, for reasons beyond my control, under some of the most terrifying circumstances a woman, her children and her furry ones, can be subjected to.

Being allowed to see her would be the worst thing for all concerned. Lolly would only be reminded of a very horrifying time in her life. But, a picture, a few words of consolation that Lolly is now TOTALLY loved, healthy and happy, thriving and loving life, all sent anonymously through a third person with NO indication of her whereabouts, would be what I would do. We can only speculate on the cruelty, the fear, this woman, her children, her animals were subjected to. Abuse of any kind, to human or animal, should never be tolerated. Aly, I wish you had NEVER been put in this position. Knowing you, knowing Lolly, perhaps your supervisor, without involving you, or even telling, could have reassured this woman (her acquaintance) that Lolly is being loved and cared for by the best person in the world. And now, it is time for her to move on with the job of healing herself and starting a healthy new life that might, someday, if the circumstances are right, include a dog. But, Lolly's safety and security is the most important consideration. I'm sure you will evalute all of the info. and will make the right decision for you and Lolly.

[ November 03, 2001: Message edited by: tatsxxx11 ]

[Logan]

Why in the world would anyone get made at you, Sandra, over a well spoken, thoughtful response?? We are all Aly and Lolly's friends first.....that's why everyone has jumped in to defend the two of them! But I think what you have offered up, as has Karen, is right on the money.

It looks like Aly has found her solution, which will protect Lolly, but also perhaps help this woman in some way. You never know what seeing a picture of Lolly and reading a few kind words might do for that lady. It would certainly brighten my day, it does, almost every single day, when I see Aly's signature on her posts!

[ November 03, 2001: Message edited by: Logan ]

[TollSettFK]

Personally, I would get the ladies e-mail adress or adress and just send her pictures .

[crow_noir]

every situation is different. so i can't really give my oppinion on this one. but my own situation is clouding my thoughts for this one.

mine: i would hate to never be allowed to see Specs again for something i didn't do. i have been abused and so has she. i thankfully am out of that hell. however, i have no idea what she goes though now that i am gone. i know it could be worse though. and i have not done anything much to try to get her out of there. mostly because she never was legally mine, and two, i fear i'd never see her again. would you condem me the same way for not doing something? i interfeared when i had to, but it's scary when you are nothing, no missle, no weight, standing up to someone twice your weight, and total leagal controll over you. no other place to retreat to. i wish i could do more for her, but i can't.