Lost a friend

**Marigold2** · 09-16-2010, 10:32 PM

A women who has been my friend for many a year is no longer.
I have lost to God, or a cult in a way.
About 4 years ago she started to go to this new church.
She lives in the country and these are country folk, farmers, mostly Germans, many Lutheran.
This small country church is very very strict, very clannish (sic).
They only socialize with members of the church, everyone else is a sinner and not to be trusted.
I am so sad about this. I feel she is being brainwashed and yes she has changed. Every word out of her mouth is God this and God that. The bible says this bible says that. She does not have one independent thought in her head. It did not happen over night but it did happen.
After her mom died I think that is when she went off the deep end.
I know she is unhappy about her weight and her looks.
"not aging well " is her term. She wants to do something about that but the church feels that would be vain. She used to go to WWatchers but that has stopped, which is a shame because she seemed so much happier when she lost some of the weight. I fear it will become a health issue soon. She is about 250 lbs that is 100 over what she should be.
If I try and ask her to do something fun it's "I have to do this for the church or I have plans with my friends." The church has just taken control.
The same thing happened to my friend when a highschool friend of her's became a Jehovah Witness. All the old friends who were no JW were out of her life.
Why does a belief in God sometimes have to isolate people instead of bring them together?
My poor beautiful friend, now a mindless zombie without a single thought of her own. It really really makes me so sad.

**Catty1** · 09-16-2010, 10:54 PM

Hopefully she will finish her grieving somehow and her real, God-given self will flourish again. Four years out of her whole life is not much...there is still hope.

I truly am sorry for your loss. I pray she returns some day soon.

**wombat2u2004** · 09-16-2010, 11:01 PM

Originally Posted by Marigold2

Why does a belief in God sometimes have to isolate people instead of bring them together?

Depends who you go to.
Some of those churches out there are run by real whacko's who have the gift of the gab and want to include others in their own weird and wonderful lives........there's plenty of lost souls around, and usually they are gullible people willing to follow someone who can offer them some sort of hope for a more meaningful life.
Churches like that are usually based on money.
As for me.....yep, I believe in God. But I don't need any teachings or churches or icons and stuff. I don't need to buy my way anywhere.

**sana** · 09-17-2010, 04:05 AM

Belief in God is true but, God! Himself! Says that if you blindly follow me, you will not be among my favorites. You have to obey and listen to God, but following him the way you're telling about your friend is wrong, talk about God but it isn't necessary that they come in your every sentence. Its so sad that your friend is being taken away from you...

**Pinot's Mom** · 09-17-2010, 07:38 AM

Unfortunately, I know from whence you speak; I have had exposure to this behaviour and it's painful to watch.

This person is using this church and their version of God as a crutch. This is never good. God and his people hold you up when you need it, but also make you stand when it is time to bloom on your own. It should never be about blame of others, isolation, and blind following. Until this person realizes their own soul is lost, they will not see daylight, and there's not a lot anyone can do. I'm sorry.

Stay there in the wings and look for signs of daylight. Hopefully they'll come sooner than later. Good luck and God's blessing.

**pomtzu** · 09-17-2010, 07:41 AM

If this woman is happy with the church and her new friends, then that's her choice. It's called freedom of religion and one of her rights. I'm sure she would leave if it was all that horrible. I'm pretty certain that no one is threatening her or trying to restrain her. Maybe these new friends are more accepting of her as she is, and her weight doesn't matter to them. Not everyone is obsessed with one's physical appearance, and it's what inside that counts. Give me an overweight and not exceptionally attractive friend any day, over the one who places importance of appearance at the top of the list - "attractive" on the outside and empty on the inside!

**sana** · 09-17-2010, 08:14 AM

pomtzu, please you aren't helping Marigold, she needs comfort, tell her that (your point) in a way she'll be happy with.

Marigold, your friend is happy the way she is, if you think the way she's gone is bad for her, try to bring her back, once, twice, thrice, but if she goes away, and doesn't listen, tell her to read this thread and if she is still on the path she was, then you'll have to let her go. You can't keep all your friends forever, I read a novel once, in it there was a girl who met her school fellows, the school fellows were from her old school which she had left. Her friend sweren't the same as they used to be, they didn't understand her the way they used to, so her grandmother told her, you can't keep all your friends, you gotta let some go. And this story was mostly true. So, you can't keep all your friends with you till your very last breath, you might have to let some go. So, if your friend doesn't listen to you, and stays on her way, you'll have to let her go.

**sana** · 09-17-2010, 08:28 AM

Hey, Marigold, just to make you feel better, I wanted to say,
I'd like to share an incident with you about me losing my firend, I lost a friend, a cousin, today, we had a loooong fight about pettalk, he said he didn't like it and I said it was a good place. So then we had a very long fight and the end was, he blocked me and I blocked him and this fight might continue for a very long time. We were calling each other names and stuff and so I hope you feel better. I just lost him about 5 minutes ago.

Well, just for Huzaifa, you were a great firend and yeah I'd kinda miss ya after a MONTH!

**pomtzu** · 09-17-2010, 08:46 AM

Originally Posted by sana

pomtzu, please you aren't helping Marigold, she needs comfort, tell her that (your point) in a way she'll be happy with.

Marigold, your friend is happy the way she is, if you think the way she's gone is bad for her, try to bring her back, once, twice, thrice, but if she goes away, and doesn't listen, tell her to read this thread and if she is still on the path she was, then you'll have to let her go. You can't keep all your friends forever, I read a novel once, in it there was a girl who met her school fellows, the school fellows were from her old school which she had left. Her friend sweren't the same as they used to be, they didn't understand her the way they used to, so her grandmother told her, you can't keep all your friends, you gotta let some go. And this story was mostly true. So, you can't keep all your friends with you till your very last breath, you might have to let some go. So, if your friend doesn't listen to you, and stays on her way, you'll have to let her go.

There is more to my previous post than meets the eye, something you know nothing about and don't need to. Marigold would never be happy with anything I have to say, but she has me on ignore and won't see it anyway.

Your comment about the novel was very good tho, and brings up a good point.

Now go do your homework, and stop spending so much time here on PT.

You should learning, and interacting with your peers, and not getting involved with a bunch of adults here all the time.

**CatsMeow** · 09-17-2010, 03:00 PM

Originally Posted by sana

Belief in God is true but, God! Himself! Says that if you blindly follow me, you will not be among my favorites. You have to obey and listen to God, but following him the way you're telling about your friend is wrong, talk about God but it isn't necessary that they come in your every sentence. Its so sad that your friend is being taken away from you...

You're right. I'm a big-time God person, a Christian, but God isn't in my every sentence.

**lizbud** · 09-17-2010, 04:23 PM

Could be that this friend is not lost to you forever. Seems like right now
this church group is filling some need in her life that she doesn't find anywhere
else. People grow, people change, that's life. If you want to maintain a
friendship some where down the line, let her know that you care about her
and will be there if she ever wants to get back in touch. Wish her well, and
mean it, that's all you can do.

**Marigold2** · 09-17-2010, 08:17 PM

Thank you all for the kind words. This has been painful to me and to some of her other friends as well. We have been friends since we were 12, we are now all in our 50's.
We have been through weddings, births, death of our parents, grandchildren, car accidents, divorce oh my gosh you name it and the 5 of us have lived it, supported each other and laughed and cried together.
I am the one that is friends with all five and they all met through me.
She has pulled away from ALL of us.
She was always very religous, went to church all her life but now this church is different. This is more cult like.
This church thinks Oprah is a sinner and evil because she talks with gays and all manner of sinners people. Oprah is NOT to be watched. Oprah is going to hell.
How do you argue with that? You don't. It is so farfected so crazy so stupid I could not say anything. I am of course a horrible sinner since I watch this show and Desperate Housewives oh I am horrid horrid horrid evil sinner who will burn in hell.
How someone who knows me, who came to the hospital and sang and prayed with me while my mom was in a coma could feel this way now is so heartbreaking.
I love her like a sister, she is an only child and we were so close but this church is not a good thing. It is taking her away from all who love her and support her and have been her friends for over 30 years. We who have watched each other grow up, grow old, grow closer every year now we are no more.
Will I be there for her, always, so will the others even though their friendship to her stems through me, we all love her, want her to be happy.
I will just wait and hope that her kids will speak to her perhaps they can help her.
I think one of the problems is her daughter is seperated and might be getting a divorce from her husband, that of course makes daughter a sinner. I don't know what the church is saying about this, what kind of guilt or confusion this is causing my friend and how her relationship with daughter is. If she is spewing the hatred the church is then the relationship with her daughter can be in serious trouble too.
It's a scary thought what this church is doing to the family.