"I know I'm a big, scary, Black man..."

[Lobodeb]

So, I'm on my way to work this morning and I'm stopped at a stop light. A man taps on my window. I do as I always do, roll my window down only an inch or two because I can't hear what he's saying as he's pointing to the back end of my car. I thought I was dragging something or my car was smoking or what have you. He tells me, "I know I'm a big, scary, Black man, but I don't want to hurt you." Then goes on to tell me about him not having any money and he ran out of gas. His initial comment upset me something awful. Was it because I only rolled my window down a little? I would have done that if it was a White man, a Hispanic man, a green man, etc. Criminals come in all shapes and sizes, but for him to assume that I'm a racist like that really got my goat. I would have helped him had it not been for his bone headed comment. I even asked him why he had to say that, but I didn't stick around for his response. I drove off.

Sorry for the rant, but his comment bothered me in 2 ways, that a) he thought I was afraid of the big Black man and 2) that society has treated him in such a way to stereotype me that way. So sad....

[rosethecopycat]

Hey, I don't lower my window to anyone.
Not even a tiny, scary grandmother.

[critter crazy]

Hey, I don't lower my window to anyone.
Not even a tiny, scary grandmother.

I am the same way!! I dont care who you are, if i am without hubby, and especially with my kids, i dont stop for anyone!!

[K9soul]

I think it's very sad that you left him without any help simply because you perceived some insult in what I would have interpreted as him just trying to break the ice and alleviate any nervousness you might have. I'd be a bit nervous for any man to approach me in my car alone,but if he had come to me and said that I'd have smiled and laughed and said he's not scary to me and helped him. Helping our fellow man shouldn't be conditional, especially since he happened to choose words that he may not have meant in the way you took them at all, but that's my opinion.

[cassiesmom]

I think it's very sad that you left him without any help simply because you perceived some insult in what I would have interpreted as him just trying to break the ice and alleviate any nervousness you might have. I'd be a bit nervous for any man to approach me in my car alone,but if he had come to me and said that I'd have smiled and laughed and said he's not scary to me and helped him. Helping our fellow man shouldn't be conditional, especially since he happened to choose words that he may not have meant in the way you took them at all, but that's my opinion.

What's sad is that he felt the need to stereotype himself that way- as a big, scary, black man who would be perceived as a potential risk by a female in a car.

The unfortunate reality is that word gets around among panhandlers and soon you end up being asked for help by many because you helped one. Lobodeb, you did right.

[Twisterdog]

Flame me if you will, but here's my take on this:

First of all, it sounds like a bit of a canned line to me. Only someone with practice at panhandling, approaching cars, etc. would even think of that line, IMO. Most of us ... big, small, black, white, whatever ... don't think of things like that, we just say, "Excuse me.", "Pardon me.", "I'm sorry to bother you ...", etc. It sounds to me like he used that line to elicit just the response it did from you - surprise, shock, pity. It threw you off balance and made you think, "Hey, wait, I'm not racist. I'm not like that. I'm not what you think ... maybe you're not what I think, either." I know that sounds cynical, but having lived in large cities, I've seen a bit of this exact thing.

Secondly, if he was an upstanding citizen, and truly just ran out of gas, I do not honestly think he would be approaching cars like that. Especially a car driven by a woman. If you ran out of gas and had left your wallet at home, or even had no money for some reason, would you honestly walk up to a car window at a stop light and ask for help? That thought would never cross my mind. I would use my cell phone, use a phone in a business office, use a pay phone (surely he had a single quarter) to call myy friend, my boss, my roommate, my spouse, the police department, etc. I can tell you with complete certainty my husband or father or brother, if they ran out of gas and had no money on them, would NEVER walk up to a car stopped at a stop light with the window rolled up, driven by a woman, and ask her for help. Would any man any of you know do this? The ONLY people I've ever seen in my life walk up to cars were panhandlers or people selling newpapers, flowers, etc. That's simply not a "normal" way of getting help when you run out of gas.

I personally think you did the right thing by driving away. The situation does not sound at all to me like an upstanding citizen who simply ran out of gas.

We all feel sympathy and pity for the homeless, the poor, the addicts sleeping on street corners. I've bought food for people, and pet food for their pets before. But honestly, the best way to help people like that is to donate to organizations that help them in larger ways ... providing shelters, soup kitchens, drug and alcohol programs, etc. Homelessness, addiction, poverty are big problems, and the best solutions are big solutions, funded by small donations.

[IRescue452]

We've got several cases in the area of people claiming their car broke down and trying to get money from people. I wouldn't have opened my window much for anybody of any race. I get in the car, door gets locked, I go.

[moosmom]

He had a cell phone. He could have called a buddy or the auto club or something or even a policeman would have helped him

That was my first reaction. I also don't open my window to ANYONE, regardless of their race, creed or nationality. WAY to many weirdos out there.

[sirrahved]

I assume anyone who DOES start a conversation like that IS a psychomurderer!

[Vela]

You are assuming he assumed you were racist. SO assumptions aside, he probably just didn't know how to initiate conversation, and perhaps he has been treated by others to the point where he feels most people are scared of him and in all reality was probably not directed towards saying you are racist in any way. I think you are reading too much into it, but it's too bad that you drove off and left and didn't help him based on an assumption=(

[caseysmom]

I wouldn't like anyone approaching my window. That being said I wouldn't have minded his comment...I think a lot of people might perceive that and he was being honest with the experiences he had.

[Lobodeb]

... he probably just didn't know how to initiate conversation...

A simple "excuse me" would have worked just fine. He was nicely dressed and had a pretty fancy cell phone that he was waving around. There wasn't much he needed from me that I could give him based on his appearance.

I normally don't think twice about helping someone if they're in need.

[Vela]

Well it's your perogative to feel insulted if you wish, but you are making all sorts of assumptions about him, yet being angry you think he made an assumption about you. He obviously did need help, or he probably wouldn't have asked.

[lizbud]

You've got to admit he did get your attention, didn't he? Sounds
like that's what he wanted to do so he could tell you his story. I wouldn't
have engaged in any conversation with him or opened my wallet for anyone.
Black, purple, or green,makes no difference.

[sheltiemama]

Ok lets see if I have this right? You didn't help him because he gave you the impression that he wanted more than just a few bucks for gas?

Hey ladies, there are real dangers out there in the world. We hear about them all the time. The thought "it won't happen to me" is very dangerous for all of us. DON'T stop for anyone if you are alone in your car. Keep your car doors locked at all times and never stop (even for a flashing light behind you) if you are in a low lighted deserted area. Call 911 and tell the dispatcher that you have a police officer behind you and that you are going to go to a lighted parking lot before you stop. You won't get into trouble for it and you will protect yourself if this flashing light is not a cop. This is the age of cell phones. If someone legitimately needs help offer to call the cops for him... Call a wrecker, Call someone just don't put yourself in jeopardy in the process..

Judy