Why couldn't I just...

[caseysmom]

I wish you good luck with this situation. None of us can say what is right for you. Follow your heart, just remember even when they are your biological children the teen years can be rough. Just remember this will pass, if you love your husband it will be worth going through all this.

[Daisy and Delilah]

Sorry for my two cents but I also agree with Dan and Jess. Why are you being dictated to as if you are the one with all the problems and everyone else is immune to that? You seem to have accepted that you're the only one at fault also. Don't be so hard on yourself-it does seem as if every body involved needs to come to the negotiating table and explain their part in this. You can't be all to blame. (((((HUGS)))))

[Catty1]

Hi, QOP - I am away next week...but just out here in Cochrane.

You said you have got counselling for yourself, and I'm glad to hear that. I hope your hubby agrees to do the family counselling and hold up his end of the bargain.

I am sure you have checked - is there a stepfamily support group of some kind in Calgary? In addition to professional help, sometimes it is great to meet other people in the same boat. Just like some of the folks here, only you can do it in person!

GOOD LUCK!

hugs
Catty1

[lizbud]

I don't know what Stream of Consciousness is??? But you are correct that I should have read all of the posts before jumping into the discussion. If you looked to the very next posts you will see that I did just that...

Stream of consciousness is
.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stream_of_consciousness

I did indeed read read the next postings. That was my whole point. You
would not have had to apologize later on for what you said earlier.

I thing I've really learned a little about the problems faced by step parents
and children. I've never been in that situation and had no idea how rough
it could be in blending familyies.

[BOBS DAD]

Stream of consciousness is
.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stream_of_consciousness

I did indeed read read the next posting. That was my whole point. You
would not have had to apologize later on for what you said earlier.

Point well taken!

I learned something to. I guess you see sitcoms on the subject and think, "ah, it can't be that bad".

No... it can be worse apparently!!!

[Queen of Poop]

So I spent the last 4 days at the lake with my family. I made my apology and that went ok. Then this morning I'm told by hubby that nothing has changed, that he will not reconsider our separation. I'm hurt, crushed, etc. My confidence is so far down the toilet I'm not sure it will come back up. We entertained his whole family yesterday so last night I took Sasha to bed and had a little quiet, unwind time. Apparently that was the wrong thing to do. He's mad over that. Honestly, doggie and I had a full day and we needed just to be cuddly and quiet. I can't do anything right. I need some advice on how to heal myself, rebuild my confidence and stop this incessant crying. I love him so much, I don't want to lose him, but I feel that I am. I need self confidence. I feel like such a wimp.

[Edwina's Secretary]

Gayle....I am so sorry for your pain. Perhaps a little breathing room for both of you....and the counseling...could be a good thing?

[caseysmom]

gee whiz okay I am getting mad now, he doesn't understand a little quiet time by yourself...for gods sake don't let him knock you down like that please.

[Karen]

You are a good person. Regardless of what he, or anyone around you thinks, you are a good person. You need to find it in yourself to acknowledge that.

You are The Queen of Poop! No one unworthy of love could be bestowed that honor, or so proclaim herself, right? A less noble person would think herself too prissy to deal with it, or too squeamish, but you are the Queen. Undaunted and fearless, you go places people who do not love animals as much would go.

You are the Queen. Let no one treat you otherwise.

You are a good person.

And we love you.

[Sevaede]

caseysmom and Karen said everything that I wanted to say.

*hug*

[gini]

I read your post and Karen's that followed last night. I didn't respond, but I woke up this morning thinking about you.

I really do not like the fact that your husband is calling all of the shots - and treating you this way. It sounds far too controlling and certainly doesn't set up a united front to deal with HIS kids.

Allow NO ONE to put you down or make you feel like a horrible person. Try to remember this - if you can - you know down deep that YOU ARE a good person.

If he makes you feel horrible - or the children do - then YOU ARE ALLOWING them to do this.

It sounds as though it is you against all of them - and I don't like that one bit.

It may take some intense family counselling (that's all of you) to unravel
what has happened here.

If I were in your situation, I sure would need some quiet time too. If he doesn't understand that.........then I really question who he is.

You are NOT a possession - you are his wife!

Forgive my bluntness please, this has really bothered me.

[Corinna]

Gini I was seeing the same thing.
QOP your relationship sounds like it's a toxic mix. Why did you first marry this man? you need to find that true answer and see if you REALLY feel the same way. I am seeing this same type of thing with my daughter , Please make sure you don't get pregnate to save the marraige that NEVER works (daughter starting to figure it out too late) . People grow and some times they don't grow at the same rate or some just stop . May I ask if he is older than you and how much so if so?
I beleive until death do us part but death can be the death of a relation ship. To me it sounds as if you are being mentally abused , you need to decide if you want this the rest of your life it won't get any better. You can survive this just look how far our Jess has come since leaving her relationship with Rob. You are the only one who can say enough is enough and think of your self.
PS I have been married to the same man for 27 years and have no step kids but we were being trained to be family councilers for our church before our move to Montana . We have not always been lovey dovey but we always went back to Why we got married and saw it was still why we wanted to be so. It made us go back and date to remind us of the why.

[Queen of Poop]

You are a good person. Regardless of what he, or anyone around you thinks, you are a good person. You need to find it in yourself to acknowledge that.

You are The Queen of Poop! No one unworthy of love could be bestowed that honor, or so proclaim herself, right? A less noble person would think herself too prissy to deal with it, or too squeamish, but you are the Queen. Undaunted and fearless, you go places people who do not love animals as much would go.

You are the Queen. Let no one treat you otherwise.

You are a good person.

And we love you.

Thank you. As I cry like a baby. He's taken his stuff and gone, now I'm alone.

[gini]

Thank you. As I cry like a baby. He's taken his stuff and gone, now I'm alone.

No you aren't - you have all of us - who care and will respond when you need us.

I know that this is a very difficult time for you - and my heart goes out to you.

[Queen of Poop]

Gini I was seeing the same thing.
QOP your relationship sounds like it's a toxic mix. Why did you first marry this man? you need to find that true answer and see if you REALLY feel the same way. I am seeing this same type of thing with my daughter , Please make sure you don't get pregnate to save the marraige that NEVER works (daughter starting to figure it out too late) . People grow and some times they don't grow at the same rate or some just stop . May I ask if he is older than you and how much so if so?
I beleive until death do us part but death can be the death of a relation ship. To me it sounds as if you are being mentally abused , you need to decide if you want this the rest of your life it won't get any better. You can survive this just look how far our Jess has come since leaving her relationship with Rob. You are the only one who can say enough is enough and think of your self.
PS I have been married to the same man for 27 years and have no step kids but we were being trained to be family councilers for our church before our move to Montana . We have not always been lovey dovey but we always went back to Why we got married and saw it was still why we wanted to be so. It made us go back and date to remind us of the why.

I married him because he spun a good yarn. He promised me the world, then changed his mind. Said I didn't deserve it. The relationship is very toxic, and I suppose some separation time could work out. He wants to date me, says we moved along too fast. We only dated 5 months before he moved in with me. He is 40, as am I. He's 3 months and 5 days younger than I. No chance on the pregnancy thing, I'm too old and too smart for that. He says I am too insecure and that is hurting us. If you've read the whole thread then you know that he's demanded family counselling. I intend to push for that to happen right fast. We all need it.