Should it be this HARD to make friends?!?!

[slick]

Oh boy, what can I say! Been there, done that! You've gotten some great advice with the candy dish and the pictures of your kitties.

I have been told that I'm hard to "get to know" and to some degree it's true. When new people come aboard, I do welcome them, but don't go out of my way at first to really get to know them. I usually let them adjust to the job for a couple of months before engaging in "social" conversations. Hearing what you have said, maybe that's the wrong thing to do and I thank you for your perspective.

It's a good thing (sorry, not trying to be Martha Stewart... ) that you took the initiative about lunch. That shows others that you would like to spend time with them outside of the work environment. Don't feel bad that they didn't invite you back. Heck, I've got some great coworkers and we lunch together maybe every 3 or 4 months.

Hang in there and give it time.

[sandragonfly]

it is. always. beginning of anything always is suckest part.

well, you see here.. it took me TWO years to make a pet talk friend! time...patience...blah blah but in a month, I have a bunch!

candies always work... lol! guess they're too kiddy to see you, not through your eyes.

hang in there, my frrriend.

[mruffruff]

In time, you will learn which (if any) of the people will make friends. I have worked at the same place for 16 years and can't say any one of my co-workers are really 'friends'. I know them pretty well, but they aren't what I'd choose for friends. Most of them aren't interested in animals. They also tend to be backstabbers.

It can take quite a while for employees to accept new people, especially if the person being replaced was there a long time. All you can do is to be friendly yourself, never talk about anyone else in a negative way and wait. If you are doing your job well, it helps.

Maybe volunteer at a shelter or join a club where you find people with similar interests.

And candy never hurts!

[K9karen]

I'm very outgoing and friendly, but had the same problem at my last job because I was the newcomber and the cliques were already made. Luckily though, I worked in an animal loving office so I commented on peoples' pictures then put mine up. Rachel's right, a bowl of candy doesn't hurt either. Comment on someone's outfit or hair. Good Luck.

[G535]

Maybe you're trying too hard and it shows? Be friendly, do your job well and everything else should fall into place in time.

[CalliesMom]

Originally posted by G535
Maybe you're trying too hard and it shows? Be friendly, do your job well and everything else should fall into place in time.

I was afraid something like that may be true. I think I also need to do something outside of work and will be joining our Student Government so hopefully I'll meet people there.

[moosmom]

Calliesmom,

Give it some time. You've only been there two weeks and I'm sure they feel as awkward as you do. It's difficult having to learn a new job on top of making friends with the people you work with.

I'll tell ya a secret. As I'm sure you ALL know, I have a very dry sense of humor and it can sometimes be taken the wrong way. Well, the owner of the funeral home told my supervisor that I disrespected him one time when he called in. When she she told me, I was shocked and told her it was highly to the contrary. I totally respected and admired him. She later explained to him that everyone's personality is different and that it was probably just my personality that he took the wrong way. We've been fine ever since.

[DJFyrewolf36]

*hugs!* Trust me I've been there too. I've worked at places where I've known I'll never be chummy with my co-workers...just because I'm so different from them and have NOTHING in common. I always make an atempt to be friendly, and I'm the type that will just start yapping at someone I don't know just to start a conversation (I used to be really shy and standoffish but not anymore!!) . That really bugs some people though

Find common ground. The fact that you work in the same place is sometimes a good start (Unless you work with people who hate their jobs)

Good luck Just remember, work is only your life for a small portion of the day!

[CalliesMom]

See...everyone talks to me but they will go out to lunch without inviting me and then discuss it when they get back. I know it isn't done intentionally (the talking about lunch) but I think the thing is is that I "just don't fit in." I am dreadfully SHY until you get to know my strange sense of humor and I think all they see is this little good girl?!?! I just can't joke with someone until I feel truly comfortable with that peson--I've always had problems with caring what others think of me and until I'm comfortable with you, I have to gauge that person to figure out where their boundaries are.

I work in an office of three other males; two of them are really chummy with some of the other females in the lab but they don't joke around with me like they do them. I just sort of figured today that I need to get out and make friends outside of the work place because I doubt I'll ever be best friends with any of these people...oh well.

[DJFyrewolf36]

Originally posted by CalliesMom
See...everyone talks to me but they will go out to lunch without inviting me and then discuss it when they get back. I know it isn't done intentionally (the talking about lunch) but I think the thing is is that I "just don't fit in." I am dreadfully SHY until you get to know my strange sense of humor and I think all they see is this little good girl?!?! I just can't joke with someone until I feel truly comfortable with that peson--I've always had problems with caring what others think of me and until I'm comfortable with you, I have to gauge that person to figure out where their boundaries are.

I work in an office of three other males; two of them are really chummy with some of the other females in the lab but they don't joke around with me like they do them. I just sort of figured today that I need to get out and make friends outside of the work place because I doubt I'll ever be best friends with any of these people...oh well.

It sounds like the guys just don't know where your boundries are. Most guys don't get "chummy" with me at first, because they think I'm the innocent type (ha ha ha). It takes time for most people to "get" me too! What about the third guy? Is he quieter than the other two?

[CalliesMom]

The third guy is nice, but he kinda keeps to himself a bit more.

[DJFyrewolf36]

I'd start chatting with the quiet guy . Chances are, he's been kind of overshadowed by the two louder guys. Then again, I'm a bit of a pain and single out quiet people to chat with .