Am I evil?

[christa]

My opinion . . . it should be up to the GF!!!

Since she wants YELLOW, I'm glad you all have been firm about it!

18 year old boys . . . . . . they never grow up!

[anna_66]

I read this earlier but didn't reply. I keep thinking about it and how I would handle it (I'm not a mom...never have been and I didn't go to prom).
You say now it's your way or the highway, I understand that now knowing that you told him from the beginning it would be that way.
But honestly it's his night and should be able to wear what he wants to if your paying or not (obviously he's not MAKING you pay for it). I guess I don't see really see why you guys are so dead set against what he wanted to wear.

And not your not evil, just a little sneaky

[Jods]

I do think it was wrong to phone and change it without him knowing. You let him think he was getting what he wanted when he left the store if you really wanted the other suit you should have told him it was your choice since you were paying for it. (but I don't think it should be) Its HIS prom and he should be able to choose whatever he wants to wear its not anyones choice but his. Would you do this to your daughter and a dress she chose that you thought wasn't great?? I doubt it. Good luck and I hope you can call back and change the order again.

[catnapper]

LOL... wow, all these opinions and advice!

I guess you have to know my son. We have ALWAYS had fights regarding getting dressed up. Tonight, he's wearing a blue short sleeved dress shirt, black slacks, a purple tie with some cartoon figures of old ladies, brown dock shoes, no belt and no jacket. We just let him go. HE'S the one that has to stand on stage and accept his award, not us. My youngest daughter is also getting an award and she is wearing a lovely black dress and my dress heels. She even put on a pair of nylons for the evening (something she'd rather die than do... and she asked me for the nylons, I never suggested them to her)

However, his prom is different. Its not just him, it is him and his GF of two years. Its HER night too. She has said what she wanted and she is hoping we make it happen.

My oldest daughter is also going to this prom. Her dress is lovely. We normally fight big-time over clothes, but buying this dress was a snap. When it comes to dressing up and going out, she's always been great. Also, since we bought her dress, there's no way in the world we would have bought something we didn't approve of. No way. We would have searched til our feet were blistered if it took that long to find a dress we both liked. (BTW, she buys all her own jeans and school clothes... hence the fights we normally have since we feels she dresses too provatively... another thread all together )

Her prom date was over tonight and he's my son's best friend. HE'S the one that convinced us to call and change the order. He's friends with son's date too and he said she's really counting on him dressing appropriately for once (and counting on him shaving his chin stubble... we'll see about that one )

hmmmm..... did I miss anything? I hope I explained everything completely.

[dukedogsmom]

We must see their pic. I didn't know what I'd do so I said nothing.

[popcornbird]

First.......

What color did your son want to wear?

I'll voice my opinion when I know the answer to that.

[catnapper]

Sigh... he wanted to wear the Mickey Mouse black white and red vest & matching bow tie. It'd be cute if she wore black... like she did last year. We'd have no problem. But since she expressly asked for him to wear yellow we had a problem with it. I was willing to compromise and let him go with maybe a patterned tie that at least had SOME yellow in it (maybe tweetie bird???)

[lbaker]

His prom was NOT a surprize. He knew it was coming up and if he was firm about what he wanted he should have made arrangements himself. My own step-grandsons just think because they can walk all over their mother they can walk all over me. NOT! It's my house. Neither you nor your husband are "evil", I think you are making him finally face the real world. "you get what you pay for" and he hasn't paid worth squat. (I'm going through the same thing )

[popcornbird]

Originally posted by catnapper
Sigh... he wanted to wear the Mickey Mouse black white and red vest & matching bow tie. It'd be cute if she wore black... like she did last year. We'd have no problem. But since she expressly asked for him to wear yellow we had a problem with it. I was willing to compromise and let him go with maybe a patterned tie that at least had SOME yellow in it (maybe tweetie bird???)

Okay...now I can voice my opinion....tee hee hee!

You know...personally, I feel parents shouldn't allow their kids to wear inappropriate/overly-exposing clothes, but when it comes to color, it should be a personal choice. Why? Because every individual KNOWS what color suits their complexion....what color they look good in....what color they feel good in.

I know there are some colors that look stunning on some people, and clothes in those colors look gorgeous, but....let's say someone told me to wear an orange dress. I wear orange at home...rarely...and just to sleep or workout, but I *KNOW* I look awful in orange. Okay, maybe not 'awful', but I look much better in other colors. Maybe he feels yellow won't look good on HIM. If he feels that way, I feel for him, because if there's a color I feel won't look good on me.......I would feel horrible the whole time I'm wearing it....even if others say it looks nice. I have this green outfit that my mom adores and always wants me to wear, but I NEVERRRRRRR wear it. I feel yucky when I wear it. The color just doesn't look good on me. He knows what colors he would feel good in...not you, not his dad, not his sisters, not his girlfriend.

Personally, I don't really like yellow on boys. It looks great on girls, but not on boys...in my honest opinion. If what he wanted was inappropriate or ugly, I would say you did the right thing, but when its a matter of color..........well...........he should be allowed to wear the color he feels comfortable in.

So....in conclusion....yep....I think you were wrong to secretly change his choice. The color of one's clothes is a personal choice, and as long as its a nice, decent color, I feel it should be his choice.

Regarding him not paying for it......My parents don't LET me pay for my stuff. I have to argue with them to let me pay when I need something. They tell me I should save my money.....I should use it later.....blah blah blah.....and that God has given moms and dads the responsibility to earn and spend on their children, so until I'm married, they feel THEY should pay for my stuff and that makes them feel good. Go figure...Maybe I'm spoiled...LOL!

[Corinna]

Ok so every one is going to get mad at me but here goes.
1st he did know and should have done it sooner.
2nd I wouldn't pay for it (if girlfreind wants to go she could pay for it)
3rd not paying for it and girl freind getting mad may wake him up! 4th she should take a good look at him and his habits.
5th you do not die by not going I didn't cuz Tim couldn't afford to take me so we did something cheep (I'm still alive.) ( He was working but was out of school and had an apartment and car payments )
My opinion sorry if people disagree, but I fell by not making him take the consicences of his actions or inaction in this case he's not learning about life. It's about choices and the result of those choices . My kids are learning this lession right now as both have gotten in to a bind and I am not bailing them out. They are learning to THINK before acting.

[Kfamr]

Originally posted by popcornbird
Maybe I'm spoiled...LOL!

I'd say so! I wish my parents thought like that!
I've had to hand over atleast half of the money when getting expensive things.

[catnapper]

PCB... yellow looks AWESOME on him. One of his better colors, it also looks nice on my husband. Hubby has a pale yellow shirt on tonight with a pale yellow tie that has navy blue paisley running through it... it looks AWESOME on him. He wouldn't wear it if he thought for a second it wasn't manly enough Hubby also (completely coincidentally) wore a pale yellow golf shirt to work today.

He just doesn't want to wear it because thats what is expected of him. Right now he's going through a phase of wanting to be different. He says he spent too much time trying to fit in and be normal (darn newspaper article telling everyone that he wasn't normal, that he was extraordinary! ) He's been a head case since that article, actually.

[lbaker]

I repeat myself here but if a "child" who wants to feel independant about something and then think he's grownup enough to assert his opinion, then it's time for him to take it upon himself. IMO. Nuff said.

[kuhio98]

Originally posted by catnapper
This is his senior prom. He does not work, he does NOTHING around the house - might be different if he could at least take out the trash. He HAD a job and was fired because he never showed up. Its very frustrating because he always needs money and is always getting it handed to him, while his sisters work. Not fair.

I guess I should have mentioned how he ALWAYS expects us to pay for everything, and this was the line he crossed.

I say he should wear whatever he wants. That's not the important issue here (to me).

This BOY needs to learn to be a man. To begin (at this very late date), he needs to start making his own decisions and mistakes and start paying the consequences for those decisions/mistakes. If you guys keep bailing him out, he'll never get confidence and continue to be a child.

Why aren't you requiring more of him? He's not going to require it of himself. Why should he? He's got a pretty sweet deal.

By going behind his back (you're not evil) it may send the message to him that his decisions are wrong. If he went to the prom in what he originally picked out, the world would not end. And he would probably learn a lesson when his buddies and GF gives him grief over his choice.

Disclaimer: The opinion expressed above is from a woman who has never raised children but has a 42-year old brother who still lives with his Mommy because he stopped maturing at about 13 because he didn't have to! His Mommy continues to bail him out of one scrape after another so he's never had to pay the consequences of his poor decisions.

[carole]

Kuhio has raised some good points Kim, if you had let him wear what he liked, he may well have been in the bad books with his GF, and learned that sometimes in life you have to please others not just yourself, however I don't always practice what I preach myself lol, I think any counsellor would give you the advice to let him go ahead and learn by his mistakes.

I remember being told by a counsellor regarding my son when he was little to let him wear what he liked to school, even if in-appropriate like maybe a T shirt in the middle of winter, as he would only do it maybe once or twice and learn from it, however I found that too hard to do, I know she was probably right, but to this day I am still the rescuer, which really does not do them a whole lot of good. I admire anyone who can stand by and not always bail their kids out, you are very strong, and not everyone can do it.

let us know how it all turned out, I am sure us sticky beaks are dying to know lol.