Telemarketers...

[smokey the elder]

Maybe you should file a complaint with the FCC.

[ChrisH]

It is very odd, but the only one of those type calls I get is from the USA, at least the person who calls has an American accent and tells me I have won a holiday in Florida! It has even been recorded on my answer service.

[slick]

I pay an extra fee per month for an unpublished phone number but I still get calls.

However, I also have call display and screen my calls at home all the time. If the display reads "Private" I let the answering machine get it.

People who want to talk to me had better start leaving a message so I can pick up.

[Ginger's Mom]

Lady's Human, there is an evil hole in all of the legislation. If it is a company that you have chosen to do business with in the past they can call you and solicit additional business from you. So your credit card companies, phone companies, service companies etc. can call and harass you, unless you specifically tell them not to call you. Even then they have something like 45 or 60 before the FCC can fine them, with the assumption that it may take them that long to update their lists. Yes, it is always best to check the incoming call number before answering any phone.

[gini]

I think that the telemarketers have a team sitting down and brainstorming ways around the new rules.

I have gotten several phone calls from my local telephone company. It is a recorded message, but it tells me that there has been a VERY HIGH volume of long distance international calls on my phone. If I am concerned, please call them blah blah blah.

They made it sound as though someone was using my number illegally. So I called - and guess what - all they wanted to do is sell me a long distance package. The ONE international long distance call was placed by me to Slick in Canada.

The other call was from a financial services company. She was not selling me anything - but she was asking for my permission for this company to call me. I gave her a piece of my mind and told her to take my name off her list.

I now get a lot of faxes (with no return number) selling me a lot of different things - stock advice etc.

When I returned from vacation, I had 22 hang ups on my office (listed) telephone number. Everyone knew I was out of town that needed to know.

The only way we can stay one step ahead is to scream so laws are passed and enforced that stops this intrusion into our private lives.

[CathyBogart]

You know those three beeps that you hear before you get a "this number has been disconnected" message when you call an out of service number? Those beeps are to tell those recordings that the number is no good and it automatically removes them. Put the beeps at the beginning of your answering machine message.

[Luvin Labs]

Here's some idears:

Speak to the little lady of the house
We have a 5-year-old daughter who loves to talk. If I answer the phone and discover a telemarketer on the other end, I just quietly hand the phone to our daughter ... and let the fun begin!

Give them the man of the house
When they ask for the man of the house, I ask them to hold; then I put my 2-year-old son on the phone.

Have I got a deal for you
Interrupt the telemarketer's sales pitch and ask them if they would like to buy something from you (could be anything that you're selling). That will usually get them to end the call.

I do
Ask the telemarketer to marry you. Seriously, this will probably shock them and they won't know what to say.

You have reached my voicemail
Say: "Hello." (Wait on them to start talking.) "I'm sorry we can't come to the phone right now. Please leave a message. Beep."

Funny you called
"You know, I was just thinking about (doing, buying) just that very same thing. So, I said to myself, 'Self, why don't you just (do, buy) it and get over it.' To my amazement, self replied with a loud, 'GO FOR IT!'" (Keep talking to take control of the conversation, never letting the telemarketer speak so he or she can't actually try to sell you anything.) "Well, me and myself will discuss it more and we'll get back to you."

From a country song
"I'd love to, but my wife just left me, she cut the tires on my truck, I had to bury my dog, and I only have half a Bud Light bottle left. I'm not worried about the rest, but if you start selling beer, give me a call."

Have you planned for the future?
When I see "out of area" on the caller ID, I answer the phone with the name of a made-up insurance company. Then I try to sell the person life insurance. I'll ask questions like, "What if something happened to you?" or "Are you sure your final needs can be met?" Usually, they end up hanging up on me.

Reply in gibberish
Answer the phone in a pretend foreign language.

She's not … here
I have told people that the person they were asking for was hideously mangled in a train wreck. If they ask for my wife, I sometimes say that she recently left me, then tell the caller she sounds cute and ask her out.

And you are?
I'd love to hear more about why you are calling me, but I'm in the middle of dinner right now. Why don't you give me your home number so I can call and irritate you in the middle of your meal?

Keep talking
Rather than find creative ways in which to hang up on telemarketers, I decided many years ago that I could provide a public service by keeping them on the phone for as long as possible. The longer they spend with me, the less time they have to call other people. Often, they'll hang up on me before I can hang up on them!

What did I win?
Sometimes I'll act as if the sales call is one to inform me that I've won a prize. I'll exclaim, "I've never won anything in my life!" Then I'll ask for details on when and how my prize will be sent to me. And no matter how many times it's explained to me, I will never quite understand that I've won nothing and instead am being asked to buy something.

I'm already connected
If I'm being offered a loan or mortgage refinance, I'll ask if it can "fly under the radar," because I have a large loan at a very high interest rate from "family" who would become very upset if I obtained loans elsewhere. I'll suggest that we meet somewhere discreet to discuss details.

Ever hear of women's lib?
My wife is especially perturbed when they ask for the "Man of the House." So she then starts talking in hushed tones and saying, "Oh, no sir. The Master isn't here. He keeps me locked down here in the basement when he goes out, so I can't check for him now."

Phone flirting
I am big on the phone flirting. Use your best Joey voice from "Friends": "How you doin?" or, "You sound really attractive. Do you call here often?"

How long do you have?
Say: "Sorry to interrupt you. I really want to talk to you, but can you hold on for a few minutes? I just need to finish up the call from the last telemarketer. He called me about an hour ago."

What's it worth?
"Now before I listen to your pitch, there are a few things we need to cover. My minimum rate for listening is $35 an hour. Of course, I can offer you upgrades that give you additional benefits, as well as a greater chance that I may buy what you are selling. The deluxe package is $55 per hour and offers a 2 percent chance of purchase, and the super-deluxe package is $75 per hour, and offers a 3 percent chance of purchase. Now before we get to that, I will need you to send in an application as well as a minimal application fee of $55. You will also need to include with your payment a $35 payment for a credit report. Once your credit has been approved, I will be able to accept your non-refundable good-faith security deposit, which I require, of $100. After closing, and you have paid my standard closing costs of $250, we will then be able to proceed with your sales pitch. Can I sign you up?"

Call the cult
"Sorry I can't talk, I am about to cut off my tongue to achieve ultimate power."

It's good enough for Cuba
I always get them to scream, "Show me the money!" like in "Jerry Maguire."

There's also THIS:

http://www.davehitt.com/may99/tm.html

do a google search, some amusing results!

http://www.linuxgod.net/hosts/ts/

http://www.newrisedesigns.com/chaunc...es/000721.html

1. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

2. Say "no" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

3. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

4. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog has the gout..."

5. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

6. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

7. Ask them to repeat everything they say several times.

8. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

9. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

10. When the salesperson asks, "Is this the homeowner?" say, "Is this the salesperson?" And when they say, "Yes," hang up.

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This on works someone has used it before...

"Hello, my name is ______ I am calling on behalf of ______ may I please speek to Mr._______?"

Then in reply say: "OH, MY GOD! NO YOU CAN'T TALK TO HIM! THIS ISNT VERY FUNNY IF THIS IS A JOKE! I COME HOME FROM MY HUSBANDS FUNERAL ONLY TO HAVE YOU CALL AND ASK TO SPEAK TO HIM! NOW WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?"

You can almost hear the person on the other end of the phone faint.
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I had a telemarketer call me and ask if I wanted a subscription. I said, "Sure...if you have it in brail". The telemarketer said, "Excuse me?" I told them, "I'm blind." The person was quick to say I am sorry and hung up.

Another time, someone called and asked for "the lady of the house", so I said I'd get my mother. Well, I put the phone down....and just left it there.
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[Nomilynn]

When I was living with my Grandmother and she had passed away, I kept her phone number. I would get calls ALL the time asking to speak to her. So I would say, "No, she's dead." They would stammer, and say, "well, what about Mr?" and my response, "He's been dead even longer."

That shuts them up really fast

[christa]

I HATE those automated calls!!! I never ever answer them, but the answering machine always picks them up and I hear that stupid message EVERY DAY! Sometimes more than once a day!

I need to add my name to that list!!!