thoughts on premarital sex....

[mruffruff]

Growing up in the 50's, I was taught that you didn't 'sleep with' a guy until you were married.



I got married three times before I figured out that wasn't necessarily so.

I was in my thirties before I had even heard of some of the things teens are doing now. If they're doing everthing at this early age, what's left to discover when they're older?

My 9 year old granddaughter is very aware of what gay people do and that they are really not much different than everyone else. Her mother felt it necessary to explain what a dildo is. I'm not sure I agree that she had a need-to-know at 9.

I definitely believe in living together. Whether there is sex or not is entirely up to the people involved. It just isn't my business.

On the other hand, why GIVE condoms to kids? ALLOW them to buy them---they sure find enough money for CDs and other toys. Giving them to kids doesn't teach responsibility.

Just an old fuddy duddy's opinion.

Mary

[RICHARD]

Originally posted by Pit Chick
So do you play with yourself.....or in a band?

No, I play the radio!!

[Twisterdog]

I think that the more factual information kids are given, the more informed decisions they can make. The more facts they know, the less nonsense they believe. If someone isn't telling kids the facts about pregnancy, then kids are going to be believing the myths ... remember those? "If you have sex standing up, in swimming pool, etc., you won't get pregnant. If you pee right after you have sex, you won't get pregnant." Etc., etc. And guess what? It is the myths, not the facts, that WILL get kids pregnant.

Sex is a normal part of life. EVERYONE has sex during their lifetime. (Ok ... not nuns and monks, but ALMOST everyone. ) I think it's a terrible shame to treat sex a shameful, dirty, wrong thing. This is NOT going to stop kids from having sex. It's just going to make them secretive about it. Didn't stop any of us when we were that age, did it now?

Teach it at school, teach it at home, teach it anywhere as far as I'm concerned. But TEACH it. Teach it well, so our kids are not parents at age fourteen or dying from AIDS.

As for premarital sex, I'm personally all for it. It's a great favorite of mine. I would NEVER make a lifetime to someone without knowing if we are sexually compatible. Yikes. Scary.

[tortuga55]

Sex ed is tought at my school once a year to the grade 10's. I think it is helpful but also to late. Most grade 10's have already had sex, done drugs, and everything that goes on in that lifestyle. Absinence should be tought more, now they barely mention absinence because people otomatically tie it to religion. Its not a always a religious thing, its common sense. Why should grade 6 and 7 be having sex!
And giving out condoms thats stupid, most get opened at school and flung at each other or rubbed on stuff. Kids who are determined to have sex dont need one condom to be given to them at school, what about all the other times they are going to have sex, the school might as well give them a whole case. They go out and buy them themselfs or get them from friends. They dont need the school wasting money and buying them. Do you have any idea how many times condoms have been thrown at me, or how many times the class has gone crazy when someone starts throwing a condom around in class, tons of times so many times I can't count anymore.
I think the parents should have a reality check. The majority of teenagers today go to parties on the weekend and get drunk, high, and laid. They even do it in the washrooms at school. I have spent years listening to classmates talk about the things they do on the weekend. If your son or daughter dresses and acts like a "typical teenager" then they are going to parties getting drunk, having sex and doing drugs. Because that is typical. It is a trend I personally have noticed. I think it is sad that parents dont believe it could be their child, most likely it is your child, after all it is most every child.

[wolfsoul]

Originally posted by Twisterdog
"If you have sex standing up, in swimming pool, etc., you won't get pregnant. If you pee right after you have sex, you won't get pregnant."

The best one I've heard so far is "If you wash your underwear and a boy's underwear in the washing machine together, you can get pregnant." And I was in grade 9 when people were saying this. That's 14-15 year olds that obviously know nothing.

[CathyBogart]

Sed ed is DEFINITELY something that needs to be taught more thoroughly.

Also, many cultures in the world allow adolescents to be curious about sexuality, and talk about it openly. This whole "No sex before marriage" thing is a very Western/New World idea that is not embraced by the rest of the world. It was originally adopted to protect land rights in feudal Europe: If a man knew that his wife had never been with anyone else, then he knew that his land would be inherited by HIS child, not anyone else's.

Personally, I think it's time to drop the insistence that "abstinence until marriage" is the only acceptable answer and give our teens the information they need ot keep themselves safe.

I think that the reason kids in industrialized areas are becoming interested in sex earlier is that we are mocing away from "dependence training", where a child learns to see themselves as part of a unit, and into "independence training", where a lot of emphasis is placed on the individual.

In a dependence training environment, kids grow up with the focus being on their family, taking care of their elders and younger siblings, and having tasks to do to contribute to their living environment.

In an independence training environment, the child is not given any such things to focus on; they are expected to learn to be independent quickly, but not really given any tasks to contribute to their family or environment until their late teens (generally). So they find other areas of interest. It makes semse to me that a lot of them find sex, it IS a pretty interesting thing.

Also, the age at which sexual relations are "inappropriate' is culturally defined, keep that in mind before passing judgement on today's youth.

[popcornbird]

Originally posted by WolfChan
This whole "No sex before marriage" thing is a very Western/New World idea that is not embraced by the rest of the world.

That is so far from the truth. Sex out of marriage is looked down upon in the East FAR MORE than it is in the West. Having been to the eastern part of the world MANY times, I know that for a fact. People in the East, in general, are MUCH more conservative than people in the West, and sex out of marriage is not accepted by a great majority of the general public there. Its not a Western/New World idea...Its an action most religions prohibit out of marriage, as it is an intimate action and considered to be something you do ONLY with your spouse, in privacy. The rules of God, and modesty, and the sanctity of the husband/wife relationship are the reasons people are against it, and this applies to people in both the East and the West. Not a Western idea at all...

[tikeyas_mom]

most religions state that sexual intercorse is a sin before marrige... but people dont abide by this rule... i wonder how crowded hell is compared to heaven....




"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." (1 Corinthians 6:18-20)

"Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit." (1 Corinthians 6:15-17)



"But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people." (Ephesians 5:3)

"Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God." (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)
"We should not commit sexual immorality, as some of them did--and in one day twenty-three thousand of them died." (1 Corinthians 10:8)

"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." (Hebrews 13:4)

"But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars-- their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death." (Revelation 21:8)

"I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him." (2 Corinthians 11:2)

Acording to all the above quotes, I don't see how we can escape the conclusion that premarital sex is a sin.

Sexual immortality(sp?) of any kind is harshly condemed in the New Testament.

[Suki Wingy]

I am inferring that you belive everything this book says?

[CathyBogart]

Perhaps I should amend that statement to say that the idea of sex outside of marriage is predominant in industrialized/Xtian parts of the world. In many, if not most, non-industrialized areas, infidelity, particularly by men, is accepted. I will dig out my anthro books and post some examples later.

[nibblets]

I feel parents have the bulk of responsibility in teaching our kids about sex, alcohol, drugs, violence, respect, tolerance, diversity...etc. The schools can reinforce and add to what they learn by helping to educate them to the facts as well. I have always been very open and honest (age appropriate) with my son and I am very proud of the values he has chosen for himself (He is 16 yrs old now). I presented the information to him and let him know I was available anytime he had questions. I didn't TELL him what to do or what not to do...I just gave him plenty of information to make good choices...
and
So far he has made very choices. *knock on wood*