Can anyone possibly understand???

[moosmom]

Kim,

I'm so sorry about Tucker. I wish there was something I could do or say to help ease the hurt.

It's amazing how our furkids have different "scents". I can still remember Casey "Bubba Dude's" scent, and he's been gone 2 years!

Know that we are all here for you, Kim. It's really difficult when you lose a furkid. But they time heals.

((((((((hugs))))))))))

Donna

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

I understand this VERY well, Kim!! My Sydney died nearly 3 years ago, and I still cry over him. Just seeing his picture on the wall, or his page on my web-site, is enough to bring back the tears.... . Vent here as much as you need, dearest Kim, that is the "magic" of Pettalk!!

[jazzcat]

Kim, I am so sorry. You know I think of you like a sister and I can't stand to know you are hurting so badly.

I went through the same thing with my dog Pepper back in the early 90s. I looked for a replacement and Richard said no more dogs so he let me get a kitten, Ripley. Not a good replacement at all. A year later I still ached to fill the void and that is when I got Disney. She wasn't nor never has been anything like Pepper. She's always been strong willed and independent and never really needed me. Anyway, I discovered that time was all that would help heal my broken heart and it took a lot of it. I can honestly say it was many years before I could think about him and not hurt.

I know I haven't told you anything that will help but know that we do understand and we are here for you. Just do me a huge favor and do not blame yourself for what happened to Tucker. As for Ditto, don't start second guessing your decision.

You know my phone number, call me or send and email and I'll call you. Don't feel like you have to go through all this alone.

[kuhio98]

Kim ~ I'm so sorry. Grief is a long, painful process and it isn't pretty! Kuhio has been gone 2.5 years now and I still grieve her. I probably always will. You just take your time and be patient with yourself. Everyone is different, but what helped me is accepting that Kuhio was never coming back. Our special time together on earth was over. But, that we will be reunited again some day never to be parted again. I'm not very religious but I've held onto this belief because I'd go crazy if I didn't have some hope. I talk to Kuhio everyday. I believe she's still around. I just can't see her. If I'm right, I wouldn't want her to feel ignored. If I'm wrong, I'm just that crazy lady talking to herself. It gives me a feeling of peace to talk to her.

I ask myself if the situation was reversed would I want Kuhio to grieve me every day of the rest of her life. My answer is no. I would want her to have a wonderful, long, happy life with someone else and remember me fondly.

Most of the time I feel this way. But sometimes I'm just sad and angry. That's okay. Just be kind and patient with yourself and your loved ones. It takes as long as it takes. And, everyone is different.

And yes, we all understand.


Remember Me Always

Remember me always, but do not grieve for me too long. I have tried always to comfort you in times of sorrow, and have made every effort to add joy to your life. I never wanted to cause you pain.
Peace for me is certain now, and I suspect I will have eternal sleep in the earth I have loved so well.

Please, after your period of grieving for me, make room in your heart for another. You are the kind of human being that should always have a friend like me to love. Your kind and gentle heart should not be wasted on my memory for too long. Give love to another. I know your new friend will never take my place, because we had something very special.

It may not be quite the same, but a new devoted and loving companion will in time, become special in their own way.

You loved me very much and I loved you. My spirit will always be with you, and no matter how deep in my sleep, my grateful heart will always be purring for you.

[mina'smomma]

Your grief reminds me of a song that I hear in my head when I think of my little girl. It's from Phantom of the Opera. Its called "Think of Me" In it the singer is telling her love to always think of the life and love they shared, and to not think of the bad things like the what ifs and could of beens. I know that this song always makes me feel better, and I hope it will help you too. Lil Man Tuck would want you to remember the love you two shared, and I know that he is proud of the fact that his Meowmie helped other loveys have a safe and wonderful homes filled with love just like he did.

[K & L]

I don't know what to say that everyone else already has. Grief is hard and takes time. Don't blame yourself for this. I know that's not easy cause we all tend to do this when we lose a loved one. Hang in there. Just remember at least you had this special love in your life, some people never do.

[catcrazylady]

Grief is grief, whether it is for a person or an animal, it is still grief. Grief hurts like nothing else in this world and the only thing that can ease the pain is time. I know this is not helpful but it is a very sad truth. You will never stop missing Tucker and you will always remember the special things about him. The only way to deal with grief is to let it out. Crying, and expressing how you feel is the healthiest way of handling it and the rest is simply healing time.

You add to the grief with guilt Kim and you need to let that go. You have seen many many rescuers on here that have gazillion cats come and go and no FIP. Jan explained the FIP situation very well. You can not keep blaming yourself for what happened with Tucker.

You got rid of some of the cats for health reasons, right? What you need to focus on is you, getting well, and taking care of your remaining kitties and family. Find some peace and love in what you have and try to think about all the good things around you. Grieve for Tucker when you feel the need and know that it will get better. Forget the rescue business and take care of you. You have helped way more than your fair share and you have plenty of kitties at home to care for as it is. It's time to focus on you, all the good you have done, and all the wonderful things that you have in your life now.

We are always here for you with shoulders and cyber {{{HUGS}}}
Lisa

[aly]

Kim,

I ache for you and know how you feel. I am so sorry about Tucker and hope that you can come to peace with the loss soon I know its hard, but I hope time can ease the pain.

FIP is a virus and can be contagious during the first two stages. So I see why you feel guilty. I think you should let the guilt go though. Its not your fault. You only wanted to save as many lives as you could That is what saddens me most about rescue work. The few of us who do it have to try so hard to undo so many peoples' mistakes that we become burnt out physically and emotionally.

I am overly paranoid with FIP/FIV. I quarantine my foster cats for 2-4 weeks before letting them near my own cats. Even then, it is still a risk since FIP can be dormant for longer than that. Everyone who does rescue work does take that risk. It is gut-wrenching when a rescuer's own cats are affected by it I'm so sorry.

[sirrahbed]

YES, we can understand as many of us have lost our special pets. No, we are not sick of hearing you talk about Tucker - where else is as safe a place to share this?

My heart kitty - much like your Tucker - was RB Bert who has been gone for nearly ten years - and I still find myself in tears about him from time to time. He was and is the reason that I so love orangies. He would come when I called him, look with love at my face, snuggle so close - many of the things you say about Tucker.

Of course I can't feel exactly like you or understand completely because I am not you...but I do care how you feel and think all of us here do.

I also took Bert in to be PTS after his cancer was very large and he began to appear to be in pain. I often wonder what I could have done to help him more - did I do the right thing at the right time...many thoughts go through my mind.

((((HUGS)))) to you and please take good care of yourself. I do wish you would write or call now and then - I am always ready to talk or listen if you want that from me. You have certainly heard MY tears.

[christa]

I am so sorry to hear that you are still suffering so much over your loss of Tucker. I can only imagine how you must feel. I have a feeling that Brodie will be my "Tucker" and I don't even want to think of ever loosing him.

It's amazing what a bond there can be between a person and a cat . . . makes me wonder what God was thinking when he created us.

Tucker has a piece of your heart . . . it's perfectly fine and healthy that you grieve for him. Just don't hold it in . . . there are so many people on here that love you & would do anything to help you!

Hang in there, sweetie!!!

[catland]

You are not alone. As you can see, many of us have gone through what you are going through and understand all too well the grief and pain you feel now.

So many of us, while loving all our kitties, have experienced that special someone who connected with us in such a unique way that our grief for them can seem overwheming.

I don't have a solution, other than time does eventually cause the pain to somewhat recede. The best thing to do is enjoy the ones that are still with you and to cherish their existence.

we care.

[sandragonfly]

(hi, I'm back )
I know what you mean! PAINFULLY. my Edges who died last year in July, (no FIP tho) I'm still angry and cry over little thoughts of him. even thought he was only 104 day old (almost 4 months old)...see I can't forget that number -- he sounds like just a little verison of tucker. I keep on thought why I always had to lost the best things I ever had in my life espeically I had him for little time.

we're on the same page, just that I dread talking about my Edges because most, most people out of this pet talk community does NOT understand that skin or fur is the only difference! so do I too, understand you. kudos, kim.

but what to say...I think there's a message from tucker skyupstairs saying, "hey meowmie! there's no tears limitation but too bad you can't hear my golden purring up here! just think this as you heard me, I'm waiting for you!" *sitting by my Edges* meows...!

[ramanth]

Kim, I understand completely. Some nights I end up crying myself to sleep because I miss Chance so much.

I'd give anything to have him back.

[Shady]

Our kitties are our babies, the grief is no less than losing a child.

I had to make that painful decision on my own for my very first furkid. He was 19. I grew up with him, he was the furry love of my life.

That was over five years ago and just thinking about him or even seeing a picture will still bring tears to my eyes.

Although I have brought more furkids into my life, there will never be quite another him.

I've always found losing someone either a person or a long loved furkid only time eases the pain, there is no magic number or length of time, it's something that has to heal in your heart.

Cherish your memories, no one can take those from you.

((hugs))

[Soapets]

Kim, I see a VERY STRONG SIMILARITY between your feelings for Tucker and the incident with the little kitty at the shelter yesterday. Is it possible that the GUILT feelings from that terrible experience yesterday brought all of these other feelings and memories about Tucker crashing down on you again? Was there enough of a similarity in EMOTIONS involved that it triggered this response?

It sounds like you are feeling almost overwhelmed with grief, and when something that horrible happens it is very common for it to trigger old emotions, thoughts, feelings, and memories from previous horrific experiences, if there were any. It can also work the other way, such that if you HADN'T ever had the experiences with Tucker that you had, maybe you wouldn't have felt so strongly about the incident at the shelter yesterday with the other little kitty.

Does any of this make any sense to you? It is just a possibility I can see. It seems like you are a wonderful, caring, loving, tenderhearted person who cares and feels about things dear to you very deeply. I CAN relate to how you feel, because I have had bad experiences relived when something triggered similar emotions later on, and it is no fun.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and I know that you will become a stronger, yet even more sensitive, person because of these experiences. I sure wish people didn't have to go through such painful situations in order to grow, but it just seems like that's what happens. HANG IN THERE! Let yourself feel the pain, and get it out.....