Is she stupid????

[catnapper]

Thank you everyone.

First off, I love the alarm idea, but we simply cannot afford it (we barely get food on the table most of the time right now ) Hubby is against counseling because when he was going through the divorce, his ex-wife chose the counselor and it was a nightmare - the counselor was not a good one and took sides. Thankfully he was in the Navy at the time, and they finally appointed one for him and the evaluation came out that SHE was the one with the probems... so to this day he does not trust therapists or counselors, he thinks they just take sides according to who they relate to most. And he's afraid that our daughter will snowball him/her. Our daughter is an expert liar. Everyone loves her and thinks she is the sweetest, nicest kid... then they are floored when we tell them she pulls stunts like this. He's afraid she'll treally turn things around and make US look like monsters and that she is the perfect princess... I have to agree with him that its a valid concern because I've seen her in action. I seem to be the only one who can read her and gauge when she's lying. Anyhow, thats the story there.

I spoke to hubby from work today and he's at a loss. He asked his coworkers what they think, and they all agree that her getting water story was a cover-up and that she really intended to slip out. But of course nobody offers suggestions.

I had considered the "remover the door" route. But will that solve ehr real issue? Why is she slipping out? What was she planning? She refuses to talk to us, so we might never know any year soon.

Hubby plans on sleeping on the couch for the next few weeks. It is a pull out couch, so he'll be able to get a decent sleep. He's also a fairly light sleeper and will hear her creeping down the stairs. If I hadn't been laying awake last night and Saturday night, I'd have never heard her creeping down the steps with our door closed and over his snoring... but if he's on the couch, he'll be sleeping with oen eye open.

[sirrahbed]

Originally posted by lynnestankard
One thing bothers me Kim

Why did she make a body form in the bed if she was only going downstairs for a drink?! You have to let her know you didn't fall down in the last shower of rain!!

or as hubby is fond of saying "don't pi$$ in my shoe and tell me it's raining"

[caseysmom]

There are also cheap alarms for just one door, in CA if you build a pool you must have one of these if you don't have a separate pool fence. I doubt they are very expensive. It will just buzz but it should be enough...unless she is smart enough to remove the batteries.

My daughter has lost some brain cells since turning into a teen...no offense to any teens on here but what the heck happens? Its like an alien comes to reside in their body. Of course not all teens go through this but quite a few seem to.

[popcornbird]

If she made a 'body figure' with pillows, I definitely wouldn't believe her when she said she went to get water.

I was going to suggest an alarm too, but since you can't afford it, here's another suggestion.

Go to Home Depot, or any similar store, and buy bolts for every door in the house. Locks that would be installed on every door (inside), and would be locked with a key only. Put one of those 'bolts' on each door and lock them at night. Keep the keys in a secure place. If she can't open the doors....well then, she can't get out. Unless she's crazy enough to break the windows, I think that should work in keeping her inside the house.

I can't believe she was going to do it again. What was she wearing when you caught her.......her pj's, or something else? She must really not care about how you feel if she dared try it again. Poor girl. I don't think a normal girl would do this.....there has got to be something in her mind.....something that you need to 'get out'.

[Jods]

My opinion is this is not the first couple times she tried this if it was the first time she would have been scared to try it again, because the first time she had been caught. When everyone goes to bed for the next few nights put a piece of tape at the top of your front and back doors if the tape is ripped in the am someone left during the night... Then ground her for as month and try it again, dont tell her how you know shes getting out though tell her you checked her bed. If she makes a fuss about you going in her room you were looking for a cat.... and its your damn house!!! This should work hope it helped.

[micki76]

Originally posted by popcornbird
Go to Home Depot, or any similar store, and buy bolts for every door in the house. Locks that would be installed on every door (inside), and would be locked with a key only. Put one of those 'bolts' on each door and lock them at night. Keep the keys in a secure place. If she can't open the doors....well then, she can't get out. Unless she's crazy enough to break the windows, I think that should work in keeping her inside the house.

Good idea, but very dangerous in an emergency. My cousin is a firefighter and says these things are killers. In a fire people tend to panic. Or what of you and your husband were already dead/passed out from the smoke, but the kids were alive and couldn't escape? Believe it or not, people will freak and forget that there are windows to break and escape through.

[zippy-kat]

I don't know/can't remember what her punishment was/is from the first attempt but...
If you've grounded her from everything and taken away her learner's permit/license (or the chance of getting that), what does she have to lose by sneaking out again?

I'm not saying grounding her was wrong (far from it!) but she may think that she's so far in the hole, another slip up isn't going to hurt anything. Skewed thinking? You bet!! (but she's a teenager lol)


My suggestion (keep in mind I don't have kids - so take it for what it's worth):
If "minor" punishment (aka mom and dad's punishment) isn't enough, wait till you know she's sneaking out, have the phone ready, and report her to the police as "out after curfew." Make her pay the fine (if there is one).

You might call an officer and ask about run-away criteria, too; here, they can't do much but pick them up and take them home, but the car-ride home might be enough to keep her from doing it again.

[popcornbird]

Originally posted by micki76
Good idea, but very dangerous in an emergency. My cousin is a firefighter and says these things are killers. In a fire people tend to panic. Or what of you and your husband were already dead/passed out from the smoke, but the kids were alive and couldn't escape? Believe it or not, people will freak and forget that there are windows to break and escape through.

You're right. I didn't think of that. It could be very dangerous in an emergency.

An alarm would be a great way to control her, but those are so darn expensive. I think she needs a good 'talking to'. Something's not right about her behavior.

Dig into the problem. Find out who her peers are....who she hangs out with. You'd be amazed at what a STRONG influence friends can have on young people. If they hang out with the wrong crowd, they can end up growing in the wrong way. You need to put an end to this before she gets into more trouble. Do you know all her friends? Maybe you and the parents of the teens she goes out with should have a joint discussion with her and her friends. If they're together, and you talk to them together, someone might just feel cornered and blurt out everthing you need to know.

[catnapper]

Thanks again guys, we did buy a new door lock last week and we only have the keys, so if she leaves, she can get out, but she won't be able to get back in. Its the klind of lock where you can turn the handle from one side but not the other. Being stuck outside in cold weather just once should be enough to cure her.

I found her in her PJs, but when I did the laundry today, the hamper that was in the kitchen had some "nice" clothes tucked into it. (FYI, I have a hamper in the kitchen for muddy sports clothes, dish rags, etc. they used to toss the stuff down the basement steps and after the hundreth time I tripped down the steps over a sock, I added a hamper! LOL) So I have the feeling, she grabbed sweatpants from it, took off the jeans and blouse she was wearing and stuffed it down into the hamper. I usually never find her clothes in there, but always find my son's clothes (he tends to strip as he comes in the door ) so if I found some of his good school clothes I wouldn't have thought anything odd about it... but finding her clothes - especially something I washed Monday night in the hamper Wednesday morning? too much of a coincidence.

I asked my other daughter what she thnks of it and she rolled her eyes and sais "I think she did it because she's trying too hard to convince me that she didn;t" Smart kid my youngest daughter.

[NoahsMommy]

Kim, I hate the situation you are in. Reading all this advice makes me worry even more for you. Gosh...being a parent is the hardest job, at least in my opinion.

I like the idea on calling the police as soon as she "escapes".

I'm so glad your hubby had some time to think about things. That's an excellent idea for him to gaurd the exits...

I hope she stops this. I'll be praying she comes to her senses soon.

[cookieluver7]

Try talking to her daughter, even if she doesn't want to agree with things you say, you could maybe see why she is sneaking out.

[caseysmom]

I have talked to my daughter till I am blue in the face but I still think she would possibly test the rules...I just want to do whatever I can to keep her safe through these rough years.

Its funny I have 2 girls and they are night and day...same parenting and everything that is why I get mad when people start knocking the parents, neither kid has done anything bad but they are just different kids.

[Corinna]

Do you have a freind on the police force? I know for my brother it was what it took . On a Saterday night he left as she has Mom had , had enough after about 3 times. She called a family freind he picked him up and held him in a cell nearest some really bad drunks and the usual Saturday night crud. left him there until midmorning Sunday, gave him the full treatment (except strip search) . It cured the sneaking out.

[guineapiglover4life]

That sounds like something my big sis would do...

[kimlovescats]

Oh Kim.... this sounds like a horrible re-run of my daughter Amy Beth. She and a best friend pulled the whole fake body in the bed routine, to sneak out with some older boys!!! She has always been a habitual liar too, so I still to this day never trust what she says. Even now that she is a mom ... I know she is still not being the responsible person I would like her to be. Afterall, she got pregnant by being immature and irresponsible!!! We tried everything from tough love, more freedom, counselling, you name it ..... that girl spent most of her high school years grounded!!! (By her father (my ex) I might add) I think he was sooooo extremely rigid that she just rebelled that much more. Of course, I wasn't able to find a method to control her either. I really think some kids just will find a way regardless, and you just have to pray that they live through it!
Please Pm or IM me anytime, Kim!

HUGS and Prayers!
Kim