How do I know what the right thing to do is?

[slleipnir]

By putting perfection under my name, I ment that Josie is perfect, not me hehe.

Thanks for listening to me everyone, I feel good knowing I have so many ppl on here I can talk to. I really appreciate it. It's just hard being me sometimes and I want to do anything but live my life as 'audrey'. I've thought of being someone else, and I thought it would be so much better then being me...I know that is selfish cause I KNOW there are people worse off then me...-sigh-

A lot of what you said k9soul, made sense. It sounds like me actually..I know hurting myself won't get me anywhere, but it just seems like....er, I duno. k9soul explained it well.

I'm going to talk to the dr who gave me the meds tomorrow and see if this is normal. I think I'm going to drop the classes anyway...

[K9soul]

Oh I knew you didn't think you were perfect, I wasn't really sure what its meaning was but I thought it was a good example of what you seem to expect from yourself too much

You're a very talented, sensitive and feeling person. Those are wonderful things, though I know being a sensitive person makes getting through some things tougher. Try to take the attitude of being a fighter though. I sometimes try to adopt that attitude when I'm feeling down and low on will power. I decide I'm a survivor and a fighter and try to pep talk my determination back up.

{{hugs}}

[popcornbird]

Audrey...{{{hugs}}}

I would go ahead and drop the classes if I were you. Your health comes first. It is so heart-warming to know how supportive, loving, and caring your father is towards you. I think you should drop the classes, and only take what you can handle until you feel better.

Hope you begin to feel better about yourself soon. You are NOT a failure. Please don't feel that way no matter what decision you make. You are such a sweet girl, and our friend, and we'll always be here for you when you need to talk.

[catland]

You are not a failure if you chose to drop the courses. But I know how you feel - I once became so overwhelmed by college that I took an entire semester off - the good news is I went right back and I got my degree.

Everyone of us is different and everyone of us can handle different workloads. I knew people who could work full time and go to school full time - and I don't know how they did it - I certainly wasn't able to go at that pace.

Because you have the added stress of adjusting to your medications - cutting back is a good idea.

Sounds like you have a very supportitive dad.

Whats important now is that you get better - school isn't going anywhere.

[slleipnir]

Thanks for all the advice. Like I said, I REALLY appreciate it.

I definatly couldn't do this without my dad. I know it sounds stupid, but sometimes I feel like he is the only person that cares for me. And it's hard for me to believe someone cares for me...so it just shows all hes done for me. I know he'll support me no matter what..I even feel like I've gotten closer to him from this..He's really great.

[Miranda_Rae]

Originally posted by K9soul
I believe the urge to hurt yourself is the desire to have some outlet for the pain that is trapped inside you. A physical pain is something you could actually see and deal with, whereas the pain you are dealing with now makes you feel helpless and out of control. As hard as it may be, and I know you are trying, you must find a different outlet than this. If you give into it, you will feel so ashamed and awful afterwards that it will be even harder. Please be as strong as you can in this, and don't give in to it.

You may just have to go through the motions at first of being positive, being kinder to yourself in your thoughts and words. After awhile, you will realize you actually are starting to feel better about yourself. It will take work, a very conscious effort. Force yourself when you are showing someone some art you just did to say what you like about it, and not what you don't like about it. Do not let yourself say "well I suck at it" or things like that. It will be hard.. I wish I could tell you it was easy but it's not, but I can tell you it does GET easier, and after awhile you start going through life in a more positive way, it actually becomes habit!

I couldn't agree more. When a person hurts themselves it gives them a "high" a relief because the pain is something they can feel. When a person hurts themself for the first time, it is highly possible to become addicted to it, and it may become their life! PLEASE don't hurt yourself. There are so many people who care about you here. I really can't think of anything else to say other than agree with k9soul. You have to LEARN to love or even like yourself, it doesn't come automatically. I really hope you do start loving/liking yourself, and start feeling happier and better soon. Remember, we are all here for you. {{{HUGS}}}

[cookieluver7]

I'm sorry how you are feeling. You will be okay. You should ask your professors if there is any way you can do to help you understand. I'm not in collage so I cant help you much. All I can say is to stick it out because you will regret not sticking it out in the end. My dad didn't go to collage and he really wishes that he did. P.S. don't cut yourself... it isn't helping you at all. Take deep breaths and maybe you can talk to your room mate. It also helps to talk to brothers, sisters, parents, etc. GOOD LUCK!!!