Too sarcastic?

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

I was just going to suggest contacting you, Jo, and I see you have spoken.

Kim, as strong as you feel about this, sometimes it's just better to let things lie. If she causes your hubby so much distress, I think it's best to just leave it alone. As an example, and I know it's a bad one, way long time ago when I was young, I was living with a deadbeat guy. He ended up owing me about $2,000.00, and that time $2,000.00 was a HUGE amount of money to me (not that it isn't now, but so much more so back then). Anyway, this guy was in the same league as your hubby's ex so when I finally got my head straight and decided to leave, I said bye-bye to the $2,000.00. It was worth that much to me just to not have to deal with this loser anymore and to have him totally out of my life.

Knowing you, I think your kids have their heads on straight and they can see what their mother is doing, and they are getting to the age where they can make their own judgements. She is certainly not doing herself a favor in their eyes, and I believe the whole karma thing will be in force and she'll get what's due her in good time.

In the meantime, don't let this consume you or "she" will end up being a rift between you and hubby, and you don't want that to happen. I know this is all easier said than done, but for me, it's the "peace of mind" factor of hubby not having to deal with her. And just how much is that worth?

PS - just for the record, it's so sad for your son that this was his 18th birthday "gift" from his mother.

[Corinna]

I can understand your anguer I have an ex sister in law who for 7 years kept taking my brother to court for more $ every time she had another kid from other men (sleezy doesn't even begin to call her what she is) Finally he got the case changed to the court where he lived and got full custody . He had gone from $100.each per month to $1,500 each of his 2 children.
She had inforcement from the state on him. He finally proved that he had the support systems in a better reach than the witch did but now the kids both are having counsiling.
I am a bit confused at the emancipation order if she doesn't have custody I think a judge would be too. As I understand (not much legal knowlegde) that is for the custodal guardian to file . If she has no custody I fail to see how she can get it granted. Any one can file any thing they want but here in Montana we have now a law if you file a frivolous court partion and it is deemed that . You the filer must pay for the courts and the person you filed againsts time to appear. It sure has cut stupid filings.
I would check with a legal aid place about the legality of her abilty to even be filing the document. We do have a couple legal people here. Where are you guys?

[moosmom]

Catnapper,

I can speak from PERSONAL experience on this one. My daughter lived with my ex-husband and his @#$%* wife from the time she was 5 years old. Don't get me wrong, I am VERY greatful to Karen (ex's wife) for loving my daughter as much as I do. I paid child support every single week. I insisted that my pay be garnished so I would be sure that I took care of my kid.

Unfortunately Amy's circumstances were a little different in that she was diagnosed with brain cancer and they needed my help with insurance which I happily put her on my plan and paid for without asking.

I think Debbie said it best, and given you wonderful advice. Jo, being the lawyer also gave you great legal advice.

Don't get in the middle of it. It'll cause problems between you and your hubby AND believe it or not, you have absolutely NO consideration whatsoever according to the law!!! I know that pisses you off, because whatever effects hubby, effects you. All you can do is stand by his side through the whole thing. The kids, once they get older, will realize everything that has happened and see for themselves what went on.

I got advice from a great friend. No matter HOW much all this pisses you off, say absolutely NOTHING negative about the 6itch. Eventually my daughter will see for herself and come to her own conclusion. She did. It killed me not to call her names and say what I REALLY thought, but it paid off. I complimented Karen (ex's wife), told Amy how lucky she was to have her in her life, etc. I never regret taking that advice.

Hang in there kiddo. You're in for a rough ride. But it WILL work out in the end.

[catnapper]

Thank you so much everyone!!!!

We were a bit surprised bny the emancipation request as well. Step son is currently out of town, so he has no idea all of this is going n.. we haven't told him yet. All he knows is that his mom never called or sent a birthday card.

Yes, I am well aware that I am considered as nothing in the court's eyes. That is the hardest thing ever. I'm there for everything, and the majority of MY money goes to the kids and their activities. Why can't I have any say in the court? FRUSTRATING!

I never ever talk about their mother to the kids unless they bring her up. The youngest totally hates her - she NEVER ONCE recieved a birthday gift from her mother (the divorce proceedings started before she was a year old) and is the one who has attached herself more to me than the other two. She was 10 when I met her.

The middle child, has MAJOR trust issues with women. I would to if I had a mother that pushed me away when I was very young, but old enough to remember. The middle child was the biggest hurdle for me when we were dating, and even after we were married... in fact, at times I swore she was trying to break us apart.

As for my stepson, well, he is a whole other animnal on his own. He went from thinking his mom walked on water when I met him.... to last winter, we overheard him tell someone that his mother was dead.

[moosmom]

Trust me on this one. These kids will realize on their own, all about their mother and what a kvetch (I'm being nice here) she is. I'm glad I listened to my family's advice about biting my tongue, as hard as it was.

One thing that REALLY got to me was my ex's wife's insistence on my kid calling HER Mommy and me Mommy Donna. But all along I knew that I was her mother, always have been, always will be. And everytime Karen and I were alone, I reminded her of it. THAT really pissed her off.

I also understand how frustrated you are at not having a say in court. Especially since your money and time go to those kids.

My life was made miserable because I WANTED to spend alot of time with Amy (they lived 50 miles away from me) and every time I requested an extra couple of hours here or there, the answer was always no. And it was always for spite.

Hang in there, okay? It's a very difficult situation being in the middle. But in the end, you'll be the winner and the one they call when they need someone.

[Tonya]

Moosmom is giving good advice. Both my husband and I were raised in broken homes. We both realized who was right and wrong once we got older. And we both realize who it was that loved and nurtured us. Now, we are in the same situation with Jaden. I am so blessed that Mike went through this himself...it really helps out.