One of those !#$^@ situations again, please read the whole thing and HELP!!!!!

**NoahsMommy** · 07-16-2003, 04:22 PM

If a "man" can so easily rip something out of the wall, throw and destroy it because a teenager didn't jump at his whim, he needs to be OUT of the situation. This isn't the first time "I love Brian forever" has been here talking about her scary/stressful homelife.

I am astonished at these opinions that it was this girl's fault.

Yes, he may have issues, but GUESS WHAT???? He had the decision presented to him to shack up with this woman and her daughter. Any sane person knows how times can be trying with a teenager/child/other person, I don't care if he's never experienced it first hand or not. This idiot needs to realize that "I love Brian forever" is having a very hard life right now too. But...God forbid he freaking stop acting like an animal and start thinking.

What her mom is doing is even worse! I can't imagine how you feel with your mom choosing some loser over you. Oh wait, I CAN!!! My idiot dad did the same thing and its by FAR the worst pain ever.

I distinctly remember my step-whore saying the SAME thing about me (on the phone to her friend) cause I slept till 9:00 on the weekends!! I was the most greatful, quiet child back then, she had nothing to stand on in her attacks on my brother and I. This situation with "ILBF" is HIS problem and she's turning into the victim.

"I love Brian forever", I wish I could come rescue you from your situation, I know I've said that before, but I really mean it. Your parents in no way deserve you.

I'm basically saying the same thing as Sandra...just with a whole lot of emotion.... thank you for putting it so nicely.

**CamCamPup33** · 07-16-2003, 04:27 PM

Originally posted by NoahsMommy
If a "man" can so easily rip something out of the wall, throw and destroy it because a teenager didn't jump at his whim, he needs to be OUT of the situation. This isn't the first time "I love Brian forever" has been here talking about her scary/stressful homelife.

I am astonished at these opinions that it was this girl's fault.

Yes, he may have issues, but GUESS WHAT???? He had the decision presented to him to shack up with this woman and her daughter. Any sane person knows how times can be trying with a teenager/child/other person, I don't care if he's never experienced it first hand or not. This idiot needs to realize that "I love Brian forever" is having a very hard life right now too. But...God forbid he freaking stop acting like an animal and start thinking.

What her mom is doing is even worse! I can't imagine how you feel with your mom choosing some loser over you. Oh wait, I CAN!!! My idiot dad did the same thing and its by FAR the worst pain ever. I distinctly remember my step-whore saying the SAME thing about me (on the phone to her friend) cause I slept till 9:00 on the weekends!! I was the most greatful, quiet child back then, she had nothing to stand on in her attacks on my brother and I. This situation with "ILBF" is HIS problem and she's turning into the victim.

"I love Brian forever", I wish I could come rescue you from your situation, I know I've said that before, but I really mean it. Your parents in no way deserve you.

I'm basically saying the same thing as Sandra...just with a whole lot of emotion.... thank you for putting it so nicely.

i agree with you.. he shouldnt act like that at all towards her..

**Pam** · 07-16-2003, 04:57 PM

Wow! I am so glad that Sandra, Logan and Noah's Mommy have responded here first. They have said EXACTLY what I would have said, had I seen this earlier, and so much better.

Your mom had better wake up to this guy's aggression. Today a clock - tomorrow what else? This is NOT the way mature people act. (((hugs)))

**KYS** · 07-16-2003, 05:41 PM

At this point, I am not going to get into who should have
turned off the alarm.

But the way that BR responded, scared me.
He acted out in irrational anger.
I agree with the others, today a clock tomarrow a?????
Not a situation I would want to be in.

**ChloeLove** · 07-16-2003, 06:21 PM

Originally posted by slleipnir
Wow..I personally don't think he should have reacted that way..and to me, it definatly sounds like its NOT your fault. He -no offence- sounds like a jerk and should have handled that better as he IS the adult, not you. Throwing the clock was just childish..wish I could help you out somehow

I agree with everything slleipnir has said... What a jerk he is.

**slleipnir** · 07-16-2003, 08:58 PM

ACGAS- I agree with you..but it still doesn't give him the right to break the clock and totally lose it. I know from my own experiance that I have have times where my dad will ask me to do something and I don't and I realize now it pisses him off but he's NEVER reacted that way. They is more mature ways to go about it. I do agree though, it wouldnt have hurt for her to turn it off, but he shouldn't have needed to ask when he was right there..

**Twisterdog** · 07-17-2003, 12:13 AM

I personally think that not much can be said here by strangers on the internet that is going to be valid. We don't know this family, these people, and we are getting one side of the story. In this case, I bet there are four stories: the mom's, the daughter's, the boyfriend's ... and the truth, which is probably a little bit of all of them, somewhere in between. I think ILBF needs to talk to someone in real life, someone that knows her and knows the situation - a guidance counselor, someone from her church, a friend's parent, etc.

Having said that, the best I can offer here is that I feel this is probably a case of "Three Wrongs Don't Make a Right."

I place blame with the mother, for blaming a teenager for causing the breakup of a relationship. If something this small can break two people up, the relationship was is SERIOUS trouble to begin with. If this man is indeed violent, then I also blame the mother for exposing her daughter to that behavior. Remember my post a couple days ago about the man who locked his girlfriend's son in a tent, until he died of heat exhaustion? Women who put their children in harm's way for the sake of having a boyfriend are NOT good mothers, IMO.

I place blame with the boyfriend for losing his temper and acting like a immature bonehead.

I place blame with ILBF for not doing as she was told to do, by the adult that she resides with. I would have NEVER refused to do what my dad said when I was a kid. If he would have told me to turn off a clock, I would have gotten up and turned off the clock. Period. I was the child, he was the adult. I would not have dreamed of refusing, of talking back, or saying I was busy. I was raised not to do that. I fully understand what ACGAS is saying about teenagers today ... my son is only twelve, and already getting mouthy. It gets real old, real fast ... and sometimes a little thing - like not turning off a clock- turns into a big thing, because it's the 20,000th smart remark the adult has had to listen to today.

**Kfamr** · 07-17-2003, 12:18 AM

I'm not sure what you should do..

Although, I think it is your mother's fault for bringing YOU and herself into a situation with this "man".

**shais_mom** · 07-17-2003, 12:35 AM

I have to agree with a combination of things.
Yes, she should have simply done what she was told, but I have also been in that same situation, tho my mom is in no way schizo or anything, and we have a good relationship. We would be doing dishes and I would across the kitchen putting stuff away or in the next room and she would say, 'Turn off the disposal' All she had to do was turn and reach out her hand! She tried that one time a couple years ago, she told me to get her and my dad's coats out of the closet without looking at me, not realizing that I was sitting in the chair with a lump and ice bag on my leg b/c I had ran into the trailer hitch of my dad's van. My dad told her to get them herself and pay attention. Keep in mind I was probably 25 years old at the time!
But living with a person that can change at the drop of a hat I am sure is no picnic. I have no experience with this, but I feel you are in danger of being abused. First it is the clock, then it is you. And I am sure your mom will blame you also.
Your mom is too blame for putting you in an undesirable situation like this. Maybe moving to Georgia isn't so bad, to get away from him. It is unfair that your mom drag you across the country at the drop of a hat.
I am sorry you are having trouble like this. The only way I could think of is emancipating yourself, and I am not sure you are financially able to do that.

Keep your chin up.

You did Good ACGAS!

**bnormal** · 07-17-2003, 07:35 AM

I believe that therapy is in order...and I don't mean for you!

**emily_the_spoiled** · 07-17-2003, 08:12 AM

Dear ILBR,

Over the years I have had the unfortunate experience of helping (too) many friends (and family) leave abusive relationships. From the sounds of it your mother's relationship definitely has the potential to go that route (if it isn't already). I have no advice for you about this particular incident. But my suggestion for you is to contact the local woman's shelter or domestic violence hotline. These places will be able to put you in contact with counselling services for YOU.

Therapy maybe in order for everyone else, but you can't force them to do anything. The only person you have any control over is yourself. You need to take care of yourself and part of that is to get help for YOU.

Good luck

**bnormal** · 07-17-2003, 08:20 AM

emily_the_spoiled, good post!

**anna_66** · 07-17-2003, 08:42 AM

I don't want to "give you advice" but this doesn't sound like a good living situation for you to be in.
I totally agree with emily_the_spoiled.

**lovemyshiba** · 07-17-2003, 10:33 AM

This certainly is a tough situation, and I totally agree with Twisterdog that you need to talk to someone in real life, someone who knows you and your family, or even not, just an actual human to human interaction.
It's so easy to come one here and vent about it, and it feels good--there's nothing wrong with it, we all would love to help. Unfortunately the best we can do is give advice, and it seems to me that you need more than that.

The man has serious problems. One day it's the clock, the next day it's your mother or you he's throwing against a wall. That's how the pattern of abuse forms. I've had the unfortunate experience of knowing too many people this has happened to (and 1 is 1 too many).

You and your mother need to get out of this situation. If she won't do that for you, than you need to get out yourself. Do you have any other family members you can stay with, or friends?? Do whatever you can to remove yourself from the situation.

If you cannot get out of this awful situation, please just do what he asks--I know how much you don't want to, because he is such a jerk, but for your own sake, just do what he says next time.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

**Van10** · 07-18-2003, 11:46 AM

Originally posted by Twisterdog
I personally think that not much can be said here by strangers on the internet that is going to be valid. We don't know this family, these people, and we are getting one side of the story. In this case, I bet there are four stories: the mom's, the daughter's, the boyfriend's ... and the truth, which is probably a little bit of all of them, somewhere in between. I think ILBF needs to talk to someone in real life, someone that knows her and knows the situation - a guidance counselor, someone from her church, a friend's parent, etc.

Having said that, the best I can offer here is that I feel this is probably a case of "Three Wrongs Don't Make a Right."

I agree.