How do you know if it's the right time to get out or STAY?

[CountryWolf07]

So... on the surface, my relationship with Mike is fine.. we've been together about a bit over 3 1/2 years - we make each other laugh, things are good, we have things in common, same goals, etc.. except one thing. I want to get married eventually, someday, and while Mike says he doesn't know. I asked him one simple question about if we were on the same path, on the things we want in life, and he could not answer it. He keeps saying that things are fine, that he knows that I want to know and that he understands where I'm coming from.. He thinks I am being weird asking him about that kind of stuff and I'm asking at the wrong times..... (honestly, there's NEVER a right time for it) when on the other hand, I can't help it, because "I see it" with us, but it seems like he does not. I don't know what to do. I honestly have to say I'm in this still, because I had that feeling from day one that I knew what we had were going to turn into something big, we weren't just going to be friends, but we'd be in a relationship, etc. I'm actually feeling scared, upset, and I don't know how to think or what to do. I love him enough to stay and that I know we have a future, but he can't be OPEN at all, and he is not good at saying how he feels, he just always avoids when it comes to feelings..... Any advice?

[king2005]

Why do you need him to tell you that he loves you on a piece of paper? If you can't tell by his actions then something is wrong.

Sorry, I'm not the marriage type, I don't need a piece of paper to be told how someone feels about me, or how I feel about them.

If you love him & he loves you, then don't push him on this topic, it might break him. I've seen this happen far far far too often. People are in love your years & decades, then the female (in all the cases I've seen its always been the female) pushes the male to marry her.. he gets stressed out & does 1 of a couple of things.

1. Leaves before marriage due to stress.
2. Leaves shortly after the marriage due to stress.

Not all men are able to get married, they aren't wired that way. Seems like you've found that type of man & your just going to have to accept his love as it is & not on a piece of paper.

[Queen of Poop]

He's a guy. Guys aren't real good at the feelings stuff. You're a woman, you feel things differently. As for marriage, right now I cannot really recommend it. It's not worked out well for me twice now and I will never do it again. He's with you, he loves you and you guys are doing great. He's never going to be all mushy and feely, it's not in him. If you can accept that then I think you guys will have an awesome future.

[carole]

I sure can see it from your side though, you want a future with this guy that does include marriage and perhaps children, maybe that is not where he is at just yet, but if you love each other and are happy ,why rock the boat, but on the other hand i guess you dont' want to invest many years in a relationship that is not going where you want it to be.

If you are happy for now, best not push it, and just see how things go,but seriously if he does not want the same things as you, maybe he is not your Mr Right.

[Catty1]

I asked him one simple question about if we were on the same path, on the things we want in life,

If you ask yourself this simple question, do you have an answer? Or, if he asked you, what would you say?

His thoughts and opinions are no more able to make or break the relationship than yours are. It takes two.

You don't have to answer, it's kind of a rhetorical question - but how would YOU answer it?

You've posted a few times in the past, and one of the things that it seems you always mention is that he doesn't say "I love you." If you truly accept that, that will take some pressure off the relationship - especially off him. Suppose you knew he would never say those words to you as long as you both live? What would you do?

HUGS

[CountryWolf07]

If you ask yourself this simple question, do you have an answer? Or, if he asked you, what would you say?

His thoughts and opinions are no more able to make or break the relationship than yours are. It takes two.

You don't have to answer, it's kind of a rhetorical question - but how would YOU answer it?

You've posted a few times in the past, and one of the things that it seems you always mention is that he doesn't say "I love you." If you truly accept that, that will take some pressure off the relationship - especially off him. Suppose you knew he would never say those words to you as long as you both live? What would you do?

HUGS

He has already said it a couple times now, but it doesn't really matter if he says it or not because I've accepted it, really. I know he does, he knows I do, so that part is out of the way.

IF he did ask me that question, I would say, I see myself being married, have a great job, have a kid or two, just a good life, really, basically have something that I'd be proud of and to look back on as I get older. He just says he understands where I am coming from but I think he doesn't really 'get it'.. He just doesn't like to talk about it. I did ask him if he wanted to get married someday, have kids someday, and he said yes. But otherwise, if it was on the topic of "us"... he doesn't really have anything to say but, "I don't know" or "maybe".. otherwise, I decided to drop it for now. I just wish he'd understand how it's a normal topic that comes in a relationship after being together for a period of time.