I'm trying to be a good wife....

[Catherinedana]

Sounds like maybe you can't wait for him to snap out of it on his own. Sometimes you have to offer someone an ultimatum to get them thinking and then acting. You can't live off of his sister and you certainly can't keep going deeper into debt. Perhaps he should seek counseling "or else"? The or else needs to come from you - what are you strong enough to do for yourself and your family?

I've been there too, with my 1st husband. He chose "or else" . . .it was the best thing that ever happened to me!

Sending love,
Cathy

[CathyBogart]

What about looking into getting him on disability for his PTSD? At least that would be some income - an improvement over nothing, even if it doesn't get him off his duff.

[catnapper]

I couldn't really reply earlier because he was reading over my shoulder all the time lately. Not that he doesn't trust me.... its just that I have gotten into the habit of sharing everythign I read, so rather than waiting for me to say, "hon, look at this!" He simply looks before I mention anything. Its ok when I'm reading emails and such, but annoying when I'm playing online games like Tetris! I mess up because he says "why did you put that there?" and have to start all over!

Anyhow, I know he's seriously depressed. He's seeing a therapist and he's done wonders. But that only goes so far. He's on meds for depression. He's doing everything he can to get his mind off of feeling sorry for himself. My kitchen is a shambles because he started to rennovate it.... then realized rennovations cost money. So the kitchen is stripped down to naked walls, pine floorboards, and half torn apart. It makes him depressed just to see how icky it looks, and know he can't fix anything about its look until we get several sheets of drywall and such.

His sister is paying so many of our bills. I wish she would just move in with us, so she doesn't have to pay rent. At least she could look at the money she's giving us as rent. You know what I mean? I KNOW that some day, she'll throw the money thing in our faces. I know it. He knows it too. But he is accepting her help because he has no alternative. I think that she pays so many bills is making him depressed too.

There are so many pieces to this situation. I myself am depressed... I have been stress eating like mad. I gained so much weight back. I'm back into the larger XLs. I'm kicking myself for giving away all my larger clothes! But I guess its forcing me to look at my stress eating and get it under control before I have to beg my sister in law to give me her outgrown 1X clothes!