This just SUCKS!

[moosmom]

Anna,

Isn't there some way that Ashley can go to court and tell the judge what she wants??? She's older and can make up her own mind. Oh, is it possible for her to be declared an emancipated minor, meaning she's old enough to live on her own (so to speak), then come and stay with you?

There's got to be something that can be done. Afterall, it is what is in the best interest of the child here. Not what is good for one parent or the other. And it seems to me that Ashley really loves you guys. How about sending a copy of the letter to the judge??

I wish you lots of luck and hope that some kind of compromise can be worked out. Afterall, it's what Ashley wants.

[krazyaboutkatz]

I'm so sorry to hear about this. I sure hope that everything will work out. Sometimes our judicial system really sucks. I'll be praying for a pleasant outcome for you.

[shais_mom]

This is awful for you. I am so sorry to hear about this. I know how happy she looked when you first posted pics of Huney. What about if you guys became her legal foster parents? I will keep you guys in my thoughts hoping this works out.
Is her mom you or Mark's sister or dad you or Mark's brother?
Take Care and God Bless.

[Kfamr]

Anna, Mark and Ashley,

If only you could see the tears in my eyes as i'm crying right now for you... I have no idea why i'm crying but as i read your story i started to. I'm so sorry things didn't work out how you wanted and planned them to.

[anna_66]

Thank you everyone for all your concern. This is just ripping away at me.
She called last night, and because of the trouble she got into before she left, now she has to go to an alternative school (that's why she was coming to live with us). She said it is absolutly the worst place she has ever had to be. All the people she knew were calling her names, saying she was ugly and all kinds of stuff. Her mom said she came home and went straight to bed. I can't believe how cruel kids can be, but I guess it's not just the kids, guess the teachers were just as bad, they were calling students names! Can you believe that? And of course, there's nothing they can do about it. If they even do so much as roll their eyes at a teacher, they can get into big trouble, have to do community service for 2 hours, excercises for 2 hours and something else I can't remember, isn't that crazy?
She has to be at her bus stop at 6:30 in the morning, after a 20 minute walk, and don't get home until 4:30!
We talked about her mom coming and enrolling her in school, but the school said the parents have to live in the same district. I don't know. Mugsy, I did tell her mom about talking to someone higher in the school, who knows maybe it will help. If not, I say we just tell her dad that we need to have custody of her to enroll her in school and that he will not have to pay child support any more (I think we could live without the $160 a month!). Because she don't want to do the emancipation thing (don't want the rest of her dad's family to be mad at her-I guess I can understand that).
Well, this is getting long again, I'm sorry. Thanks again for all your support..............one way or another she's coming back!

[Piglet]

Hi Anna, what a horrible situation for a young girl to be in!!
Ashley looks so happy in the picture with you and Mark, I really hope the three of you can be a family again very soon, seems like that's in the best interest of everyone involved. Good luck .

[Ann]

Oh boy... That really blows. I didn't know the USA was that stingy with laws. And to force a kid to go to one of those schools... I mean, I've never experienced something like that in real life but I've seen documentaries about schools for the "misfit" kids in the USA before and it ain't a pretty sight... That's really bad, I can't belive that... Like everyone has been saying before me, is there any way she can talk to some judge person and tell the judge she wants to stay with you guys? I know in Sweden if two parents are fighting over a kid the child always gets their say if it gets taken to a court, no matter how old the child is, but I see that that's not the case over there sadly...

Oh boy, I really feel so sorry for you I hope you can work it out somehow, for everyone's sake. I feel so sorry for her having to go to such a school, getting teased and so on... This is truly awful

Good luck *hugs*

[Dixieland Dancer]

Anna, I can only imagine how devastating this is for Ashley. I will pray that she will be back with you in no time and that things will work out for her.

I can only imagine the pain she is feeling having to deal with this situation. Finding a family you love and then being torn away from it only to go to a school where people call you horrible names and abuse you? It really does SUCK!

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

Originally posted by anna_66
Thanks again for all your support..............one way or another she's coming back!

I'm glad to hear that, Anna. Sounds like a lot of people have given up on her, and I know it means so much to her to know that you haven't given up - and won't.

You might want to check with another lawyer too. Sounds like the one she has isn't too interested in working for her. I believe that most lawyers will do a first consultation free to see if they think they can help.

Please keep us updated. I'm sure things will work out if she can just keep her chin up in the meantime.

[Aspen and Misty]

Anna I am so sorry to hear this! I hope she does coem abck and what were those kids thinking she is so pretty! Calling her ugly! I will show them ugly! O I mean Anna I sure do hope you get her back, what am I saying I know you will get her back! I think the school district was doign that to make sure you didn't kidnap her or something. I dunno! But something needs to be done about this!

Ash

[AmberLee]

Good luck getting her back. Will hold you all in my prayers!

"Fingers and paws crossed" real tight for you here.

[mugsy]

That's some alternative school!! Wow...at our ALP, the kids go to counseling for the afternoon and have class in the morning. I know how it used to work here since I taught there for 2 semesters in 2 different school years. We got all the gang bangers (of which I had 2 girls in rival gangs that no one bothered to tell me about and I had sitting together...made for an interesting fight one afternoon!) and the pregnant 8th graders...which I found disgusting that they would send them there with the trouble makers just because they were pregnant and then we also had a couple of 8th grade honor students down there because they gave a friend an aspirin at school...now THAT is the epitome of stupidity. I never had kids in trouble for rolling their eyes...that was the least of our problems...generally we wrote them up for getting in our faces and screaming obsenities at us. I can see community service...we have now implemented that also, but lets not get obnoxious about it...sheesh.

Good luck with the whole mess. Unfortunately, the biggest loser in all of this is Ashley...kids should NOT have to go through this just because one parent's ego being bruised a little.

Let me know if I can help at all...I'd be willing to do what I can.

[NoahsMommy]

Originally posted by mugsy
Good luck with the whole mess. Unfortunately, the biggest loser in all of this is Ashley...kids should NOT have to go through this just because one parent's ego being bruised a little.

Amen to that!!! I swear, after writing my paper on Children of Divorce...I was ready to take all the poor children away and raise them all myself!!! (I'm sure hubby would enjoy THAT! )

Anna, I think you are an awesome person to be doing so much for Ashley, she really needs you. I am so happy you are helping her. God Bless!!

[kohala]

I was raised by divorced parents in the '50's - and advised a lot of peers to not put their kids in the middle in the '70's when they got divorced, and continue to do so. I was "lucky" in that my parents didn't fight using me (too much - they did a lot of subtle things, and some decisions I now realize were made that did me no good, but appeased other family members).
Which, although I never had my own children, is why I always considered myself pretty knowledgeable on this subject.
For all the supposed good intentions, it is rarely the child's interests that are foremost in too many cases. And family other than the parents themselves all too often turn their own agendas into a battle that precludes completely what is best for the child. I am so sorry to see Ashley caught in this mess. All to often the child has guilt trips laid on them, and it sounds like Ashley is no exception. In another thread (I'll look for it - I think it was the one NoahsMom did re: children of divorce) some really great websites were given for the kids, themselves. Maybe you can find that post, and Ashley and you concerned ones can get some help there with the issues that are keeping her from requesting emancipation?
I wish all of you, especially Ashley, all the very best - she's a gorgeous young lady - who are the idiots laying that on her? (the ugly thing?) Sheesh - like she doesn't have enough on her young head.

[Nomilynn]

When my parents moved to the states and I wanted to stay in school in Canada, they had to go through a lot of crap too. I lived with friends, and they had to get legal guardianship, so they had to get a letter notarized (my paretns are together and they both signed it so I guess that's why it worked for me). I also had to give the school ALL kinds of crazy ID.. my birth certificate, my drivers liscense, heath card, etc etc..

Anyway I ended up hating living with my friend because her mom was really awful to me - made me do her laundry and dishes, woulnd't let me stay out after 11:30pm on weekends; 5:30pm on school nights (I had a 3.98 GPA when I CAME to her house, and she said I was irresponsible.. b**ch ). So I left. Instead of telling the truth the about my situation the next time, I just went to the school and changed my address (to an office that was in the catchment - it wasnt even a real residence but I could bring in a hydro bill with the owners name on it so that made it legit.. I can't explain it ) and simply changed the name on my forms from my friends mom to my family friends that I was staying with. I guess what I am getting at is maybe you will have to "cheat the system" a little bit. I guess a concern is that her dad would spoil that for her, but to make a long story short, when we did it right we got screwed around. When we cheated a bit it was easy and painless I'm sorry it isn't working out for your niece.. I don't understand why her best interests aren't the primary concern of her Dad and new school