I fear I lost my creativity!! (update #33, I'm very sad)

[Kirsten]

I thank you all for your kind and encouraging words. I would have replied earlier if I didn't have suffered from a bad attack of migraine today.

Many things you have said are true, and I'm angry at myself that I allowed that guy to hurt me that much. I think the problem is that I do NOT believe in myself, and now there's this doubt that will be in a corner of my mind when I try to create a picture.

It IS true that the last picture I posted there (the one that made him to make that comment, but not about that picture itself, but my entire work) is not good, a part of it is pale and not fitting in, but how obvious this becomes depends on the monitor you use. A friend of mine looked at it on two different monitors, and she said on the one with a brighter screen it looked badly done, but on the one with a darker screen it looked okay. My monitor is also pretty dark, so the problem didn't look that bad to me, but meanwhile I can imagine how it must look on a monitor with more brightness.

Well, those who would like to see the photos I posted there, you can look here!


BTW, I actually took some photos today, but not of landscapes (I don't like to do that atm) but of my parents' cat Dino. I may post them in Cat General tomorrow, but it will definitely take a while before I publish anything on fotocommunity!

Kirsten

[Zippy]

Are kidding you are a wonderful photographer.I love seeing your pictures and that guy is just jealous.

[phesina]

Kirsten, these are all beautiful. They're exquisite. You have taken such care with them. They are beautifully composed and created.

What was that German expression (something about or involving a goat, as I recall) for someone who is a major annoyance or pest or troublemaker? You and Barbara used it a while back in one of the Cats discussions in reference to some woman who was a bad neighbor or troublemaker or otherwise unpleasant to contend with.

That's what that guy is who issued his Papal Bull (or just Bull) on the quality of your work.

Keep on shooting! We all love your work here. You are a gifted artist.

Pat

[cassiesmom]

Fotografierer Kirsten! I always enjoy seeing your photos - your landscapes and the photos of your precious cats. You are so brave to post your photos on this site for all the world to view and write comments. So, I agree with Richard - step over the stupid billy goat and keep going. If it gives you joy and satisfaction, then it is worth it. I love your photographs.

[Kirsten]

Now that guy made a final post to my thread and said he's happy that with his question he made me realize that my photos are not for the public!!! I know it might be ridiculous, but seldom before in my life I felt so humiliated, and so hurt. He's using words as a weapon, and it's an art form he has perfected. I wish you all would be able to read German, so you could see what he did to me.

Taking photographs is almost an addiction to me, but now I don't think I can ever do it again with joy. That guy really doesn't know what he did to me, working on these pictures was supposed to be the way back to my inner self after the burn out. Now I'm feeling totally lost, almost amputated. I think I'm going to delete my fotocommunity account the next days...

Kirsten

[Cataholic]

There are times we ALL lose our focus, and stop relying or counting on our own inner meter for worth. This is exactly what you are doing now. You, for some reason, have lost your sense of inner value, and are allowing outside forces to dictate it. THAT is your issue, not some total stranger simply trying to get your goat. That man is simply the fallout from your problem.

The way people treat you is a reflection of THEM, not you, Kirsten. This guy's posts are not about YOU, they are about him, and where he is in his life.

You will never be able to stop the way someone treats you, posts about you, thinks about you. Never. Not by defending yourself, not by attacking him, not by ignoring him, even. The ONLY thing you can do is change YOU, the way you react, the way you think, the way you act.

Change you. That is the only thing you can do.

AND, think on this: for YEARS we have complimented you on your photos. We have constantly and consistently raved about the beauty, the integrity, the artform, etc. You know this. So, W.H.Y. is one stranger's comment so completely more powerful than all of ours? That, alone, should make you recognize this guy is simply out to get you.

Then, and finally (lol, about time, right?), who gives a rat's ass what someone else thinks of your photography? LORDIE! If I only did things that others found valuable, I would have alot of spare time on my hands.

Shake it off, and move on.

[Alysser]

Then, and finally (lol, about time, right?), who gives a rat's ass what someone else thinks of your photography?

I agree. This guy sounds like a real low-life jack A$$. If I took to heart how many times my photography was made fun of, called horrid, etc. I would have quit a long time ago. By quitting this website, you're just letting this low life creep win. He's trying to make you do that.

[Randi]

OK Kirsten, I know you're feeling down about this, but as Cataholic says, I think the other problems you have, are very much part of this. You need to believe in yourself and not let one person get you down because of some negative comments. Every one gets them now and again.

Is the board for Pro's only? Did he say why your photo's didn't belong there? Confront him directly on the board and ask.

[Kirsten]

I know that Johanna is right, that is has a lot to do with how I feel about myself, insecure and defensive. And yet I never minded critics on my work, it was even welcome because I wanted to learn. But what that guy did was destructive, and he meant it that way.

Randi, it's not a pro board, even though many pros are there. I cannot compare my work to theirs, it's another league. But there are many hobby photographers also, and we learn from each other. Many people there complimented my photos, and many others criticized them and made suggestions how to improve things, which is helpful and welcome.

That guy didn't do any of that, he just questioned my right to publish photos because my "idea of the picture" is wrong, whatever that means. And believe me, that guy is far from being a pro, he's not even photographing. He has a few photos uploaded taken with a disposable camera, and he said he only uploaded them to provoke and to proof that you can do a better work with a simple tool than with a hightech camera. But his photos are crap; honestly, I made better photos with my little pocket camera when I was only 9 years old!

But that doesn't matter. When someone's commenting his pictures, he's just arrogant and humiliates those who made the comments. Calls them too stupid to understand the message. He did the same with those who came to my defence. The more they said, the more he found words to hurt me (and others, some got email from him in which he humiliated their work also). And he did that in a very subtle, yet effective way. It's a scary thought that people like that live in this planet.

Kirsten

[jennielynn1970]

Now that guy made a final post to my thread and said he's happy that with his question he made me realize that my photos are not for the public!!!

Taking photographs is almost an addiction to me, but now I don't think I can ever do it again with joy. That guy really doesn't know what he did to me, working on these pictures was supposed to be the way back to my inner self after the burn out. Now I'm feeling totally lost, almost amputated. I think I'm going to delete my fotocommunity account the next days...

Kirsten

Kirsten, I don't know who the jerk is who is saying these things, but believe me, as one of the members of the "public", I get tremendous joy viewing your photos!! I even passed on the link to my mother who lived in Germany for a while, and to have her send to our one relative who lives in Germany now and also take wonderful photos and is an artist like you are.

You have a wonderful gift. If this guy is that unhappy with himself and his life, then he needs to just go away and be alone. Let him be an ogre all by himself. Do not play into his games. He wants you to feel badly, and if you delete your account, he has won his game. That's all this is to him, a game. Do not give in to him.

You use poetry a lot in your posts on the photo community, so here is one for you now:

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

by Dylan Thomas

It may be about death, but you are experience what you feel is the death of your creativity and I just think you need to fight that, and fight against letting that man win.... Rage against it, Kirsten!

[phesina]

Dear Kirsten, so Mr. Arschloch/Scheisskopf has struck again. I was going to ask what kinds of photographs this guy thinks ARE good and does he have any talent or artistic or commercial renown as a photographer himself. But after your recent messages, I realized that he is NOTHING BUT a vulture and a troll. It doesn't even sound as though he has any interest, let alone ability, in doing photography well himself. His one talent (if that is the word I want) is that he is able to pinpoint someone's vulnerabilities and attack that person viciously right there.

We all tell you what a gifted photographer you are, and any of us on PT may or may not know much about photography. (We know what we like, though!) You say people in the photo forum compliment your pictures or give you constructive criticism, so you are also being told by people who DO know and care a lot about photography that they regard you as one of them and your efforts are appreciated and encouraged.

Put the "ignore" function on for that stupid billy goat, keep on getting angry at him (rage, rage!), and go back to making your beautiful photographs. And I hope you will feel like doing landscapes again, because the ones you've shared with us are breathtaking.

Hugs,
Pat