Hubby refuses to take his meds -- help!

[Pam]

Kim I sympathize as my hubby hasn't even gone for a physical in years and years. High cholesterol runs in his family and I am really worried. He said that years ago his cholesterol was fine. Doesn't he realize that those numbers can change? I find that the more I nag, the more he digs in his heels. I am thinking of just going ahead and making that appointment. I doubt he'd cancel.

I don't know that personality change is related to BP medications. I take a blood pressure lowering medication and have never been told/warned of that as a side effect. I am thinking that maybe something else is going on with your hubby which might be causing his outbursts. Most men aren't very communicative when it comes to what is bothering them, unlike us women who will tell any listening ear!

[sparks19]

I am sorry you are dealing with this I really know nothing about high BP and the meds and stuff but I think you have gotten some good advice here.

All I can offer is my best wishes for you and yours. Good luck and I hope he comes to his senses soon.

[Freedom]

it's like an alkie - he may have to hit his own bottom before he does that. If he does have to learn the hard way, I hope it is the gentlest one possible.

I've had similar problems with my Dad and his diabetes. He won't listen to me, the doctor, the nurse, the diabetes educator. His diabetes doc even asked, "Where did YOU get your medical degree?"

It's been a bit over 6 years. For 5 years I was a mental case, on him constantly. I'd phone the doctor's office all upset about his readings and what he ate which he shouldn't have, what meds he skipped. Reminding him I was the one who would have to cope with the results didn't help; taking him to the diabetes ward to SEE folks with the complications didn't do it. Finally, for the last 6 months, I have finally come to realize that I can't MAKE him do a thing. He has to want to do it for himself. I've backed off and shut up. And yeah, I don't always go to the ER with him; I DO phone 911 and take the steps to get him help.

Well, now he has the complications: lost 35% of sensitiviy in his feet; retinopathy started in both eyes; kidneys have started to fail. In the last 5 or 6 months, he has been GOLDEN! A bit late, but that is what it took for him.

It isn't easy to sit back and watch someone self destruct. I like the idea put forth to get the BP kit. Otherwise, maybe get some therapy for yourself to learn how to step back. Sorry, but that's what it took, here.

[catnapper]

Thanks guys.

I know nagging never gets anyone anywhere. My style of nagging is when he's exploding to tell him he wouldn't be exploding if he was taking the pills, to which he responds he wouldn't be exploding if we didn't give him something to explode about. Otherwise, I comment once a week or so that he still has the same number of pills in the bottle. Or I comment to family with him there that he's not taking the pills, and they all gasp in surprise and tell him he HAS to. He ignores it all.

While I agree with him that the kids are leaving the house in a state of disaster now that they're out of school, rather than exploding, get them to DO something. Though last night, I never saw kids scatter to clean so fast... MOPPING the kitchen floor (whodathunkit?!) and scrubbing the tub. Even bleaching the shower curtain liner!

Half our fights are the kids and what they've done to the house. The other half is the fact that I can't hear anything with my allergies clogging my head. On top of muffled sounds courtesy all of hte snot swimming in my head, we always have either the windows open or AC units running; the noise of either just blocks anything and everything out. I turn up the TV REALLY high to compensate and hear it. Then I never hear the phone or other noises in the house. So now I'm going to call the doctor to get tested to find out there's nothing they can do, except to wait til the fall. I went through all the testing a few years ago to no solution. But if it means he'll stop exploding on me because I can't hear, I'll go through the tests and incurr a couple hundred dollars worth of medical bills.

If it wasn't for his BP, he would logically know I can't hear right now. Instead, he explodes when I don't hear the phone. He SWEARS I am just being lazy and pretend I don't hear it so I don't have to answer it. He honestly thinks I'm acting!!!! He's GOT to be kidding. I'm not a good actor and certainly would not be this comprehensive and consistent.

-------------------------------------

Hubby is not on any of those meds. He's on Benicar. I don't have time to research it at this moment.... but I will! I've only seen GOOD come from him taking it. His personality becomes wonderful, the man I married. I can tell the moment he's off it because his personality changes into this awful short tempered man. A serious Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde scenario.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the idea of a personal BP machine. We do not have the money for it but live right behind a drug store that has one in store, so I'll walk over with him to get a BP reading. If it comes up 120/80 or below, I'll keep quiet and seriously try to change myself and listen to what he's complaining about. I told him calmly last night that I worry about him. That I'll shut up if he agrees to a BP test. He REFUSES to go to the doctor.

[moosmom]

hubby shot darts from his eyes

THAT is known as the "hairy eyeball". Chilling, isn't it??

I agree with Candace. You've told him how ya feel, now drop it and go out, get a nice BIG insurance policy and a BP kit at CVS.

I don't kow what it is with guys and doctors. They have this fear of them that I just don't get.

[davidpizzica]

Kim, I hope your husband comes around. Myself I've hit bottom twice in the last four years. First it was finding out that I am diabetic and the second blow was my Atrial Fibrillation. Now I have to take a drug store full of medicines and have my blood drawn twice a week to monitor the Coumadin, to keep myself controlled from those two. Not all guys refuse to take medicines or go to the doctor's office or in my case be in the hospital twice so far this year!

[Laura's Babies]

For your allergy problem, have you tried those sinus flush kits or a neti pot? Years ago, I had allergy and sinus problems and started flushing them out myself. It is non addictive, you can do it as many times a day as you need to, it is CHEAP and it works so GOOD! It stings like he** when you first do it because your sinuses are inflamed but after about the 3rd time, it just makes you feel so good, you can't wait to do it again.. It settled my allergy problem like you wouldn't believe, and the best part... NO side effects other than feeling 100% better!

You can get a neti pot like you see here http://www.luckyvitamin.com/079565005133.html

Use bottled water and noniodized salt and make your own flush solution like I did for years.

$$ Cost wise, the only thing it costs you is the pot that is reused for years if you need it , a box of non idoized salt and bottled water, cheap when I think of all the years of medicines I bought.

The results are unbelievable.

[cyber-sibes]

Geesh, I hate it when they're behavior makes ya so mad ya don't know whether to fight or cry!
After being taken by ambulence to the hosp. & told he had an "episode" with his heart & should go see his doctor, my hubby put off going through with the testing for MONTHS. I finally said to him "Well, you've talked about wanting to just check out (had some very stressful events), so I guess here's your chance - Just don't do anything about it." He went to the doctors shortly thereafter.

As mentioned, nagging doesn't help. He has to hurt enough to want to stop hurting. Pray that it doesn't cost him his life while he's deciding.

[Catty1]

Kim - would it help to see YOUR doctor and ask for advice?

Though if he is going to the store with you to use the BP kit there, I hope that does something.

Maybe he doesn't like his doctor? He can get another one.

Prayers going out to you!

ALSO - when I had chronic sinus problems, I got a baby ear syringe, would gently warm some filtered water (about 1/3 c), dissolve some salt in it. The I would tilt my head back, and inhale thru my nose as I put the salt water in.

Don't make it TOO salty. The salt also is a bit of an antiseptic. It worked like a charm for me. I use it when I have a cold too.

(PS - have a few kleenexes handy! )

[catnapper]

Well I'm back from the doctors. I swear I feel like I'm there at least once a month lately

First off, *MY* bloodpressure was high -- 120/90. Its all HIS fault!!!! If I weren't fighting him over his BP meds, I wouldn't have high BP myself! LOL The nurse is a childhood friend of hubby's and she asked how he's doing. I told her about the refusal to take the meds thing and she said, "He's a high-risk case!" Uh, could you please tell him that?

Second, I might have a hearing issue not related to allergies So I have an appointment set up with the Ear doctor for some tests and such. Sigh

Thirdly, all my blood tests from a few weeks ago came back wonderful. My cholesterol was a little high. Nothing to worry about, just watch my diet. My sugars and thyroid levels are awesome.

WHY can't hubby take care of himself like I do? He makes fun of me for all my trips to the doctor "for every little sneeze" yet I'm not the walking heart attack waiting ot happen.

[Catty1]

Tell him "Because I love you and our family and I want to be here for you as long as I can." Then be quiet!

Called Setting an Example/Dropping Another Hint!

I hope your hearing test goes ok! Hugs and prayers!

[Pam]

Hubby is not on any of those meds. He's on Benicar. I don't have time to research it at this moment.... but I will! I've only seen GOOD come from him taking it. His personality becomes wonderful, the man I married.

Kim, my doctor put me on Benicar (samples) when I was first diagnosed with high BP. When I found out that my insurance wouldn't cover Benicar, he switched me to Diovan which is the exact same medicine as Benicar although my insurance does pay for Diovan. We have a "tier program" for our prescriptions. Don't know if you are familiar with tier programs.

Anyway, there is nothing about Benicar or Diovan that causes mood changes. There are some anti-depressants that will do that, though, if the patient stops them. I have a friend who had this happen when she quit her anti-depressants.

[Grace]

I will sound like a broken record here.. That sentence set off alarm bells for me.. I am betting he is on a statin drug too (Lipitor, Crestor ect). That is what they tell us to get us to take that stuff.. Statin drugs causes personality changes in some people, it is one of the lesser known side effects. I strongly urge you, if he is one one of them to go here and just start reading. Pick any... they all do the same thing... http://www.spacedoc.net/board/index....9c75793f4a09cc

I am STILL suffering from the physical side effect of the drug that I thought was good for me and I have been off of it for almost a year (quit it July 2006) and it is still doing damage to my body.

I read a story about a man (I am not sure if it was on this sight or somewhere else) that a wife posted. Her husband, a normally wonderful, sweet man had turned into a monster.. I wish I had saved that story, it was a real scarey story.

One comment from this web sight I gave you the link for, "My partner suffered confusion, depression, etc on statins (he took Lipitor for EIGHT YEARS......... plus mood swings, heinous temper outbursts , v. short fuse, sexual difficulties......".... This is not that uncommon...

I know the topic is blood pressure, but I must interject here. Please don't paint all statins with a negative brush. Yes, there are side effects - there are side effects with every drug ever discovered. Not everyone will experience the same troubles. The site you link to here appears to be only for complaints about lipitor.

I have been taking it for almost 10 years - with ABSOLUTELY NO side effects.

Don't dismiss any drug out of hand. Listen to your doctor; talk to friends and/or relatives who might be taking the same med; read. Then make an educated decision for yourself.

[momoffuzzyfaces]

Tell him if he won't take his bp med, at least increase the amount of his life insurance !!!! Maybe that will shock him into taking it.

Most of the blood pressure meds tell you not to stop taking it suddenly. That alone can give you a heart attack. I'm on 4 myself. My doctor told me it's not if I have a heart attack but WHEN if we didn't get it down.

I bought a wrist bp monitor and take it every day. Mine is now in the normal range most of the time.

When mine gets high, I feel like I'm going to explode, which is probably why he gets so cranky. I'd rather take my meds than feel like that!!!

My doctor tried me on both Benicar and Diovan. I couldn't take them. They made me so dizzy I could hardly walk. Since I live by myself. I have to be able to function. Meds work differently on different people, I guess.

[Pam]

I thought I'd better re-visit this thread since it is an important one. We all have things occur during the day which can make our blood boil. I know that I would not want to be without my blood pressure medicine when that happens. It doesn't calm me down or help me cope but it might just stop my pressure from going totally through the roof. I really hope your hubby starts taking it again. Of course he knows that heart disease goes hand in hand with high BP but remind him that strokes can also be caused by high BP. As someone who has seen family members stricken with strokes, it would almost be better to die of a heart attack. You are paralyzed and dependent on everyone for every need that you have. You lose your dignity in such a situation and I believe that is what my own dad had so much trouble dealing with. It is all very heartbreaking. Please, Kim's hubby, take your medicine!