Weddings ... a question of protocol?

[Blue_Frog]

I recently went to a wedding, and i've noticed that at several weddings in the last few years (but for some reason it kind of hit me at this last one) there seems to be a large difference in the attendance at the ceremony vs. the reception. There were about 30 people at the actual ceremony, but more than 120 at the reception afterwards. It was a saturday afternoon wedding on a bright sunny warmish day, and the difference in numbers surprised me a little.

I mentioned this to my mom, who was at my cousins wedding 2 weeks back, and it was the same thing - about 25% of the reception was actually at the ceremony as well. Has anyone else noticed this, or am I just attending strange weddings? (Also, i'm not talking about the people that maybe had to work or such and couldn't make it out for good reason)

Maybe its time to institute a wristband or handstamp policy?

[JenBKR]

hmm that is strange...I know that it happens some, and there were a few people at my own reception who were unable to make it to the ceremony (but they had reasons for it and told me ahead of time). But that much of a difference in attendence sounds extreme....

[Vela]

Many many times the actual ceremony is for close friends and family, and the reception for those who are not as close to the family as those who attend the ceremony, or for those who are acquantances but not "friends" etc. For my sister's wedding, the ceremony was held 4 hours before the reception and invites were included in the entire wedding announcement for those who were invited to the ceremony itself. Often too, if it a smaller venue, there may not be room to invite everyone, and receptions are often held at large places to accomodate the extra people. The ceremony itself is quite private and family oreinted where the reception is more party oreinted. It's not uncommon at all. There were over 300 people at her reception, but not everyone was so close that they were invited to the ceremony, many just casual coworkers etc.

[Blue_Frog]

Many many times the actual ceremony is for close friends and family, and the reception for those who are not as close to the family as those who attend the ceremony. For my sister's wedding, the ceremony was held 4 hours before the reception and invites were included in the entire wedding announcement for those who were invited to the ceremony itself. Often too, if it a smaller venue, there may not be room to invite everyone, and receptions are often held at large places to accomdate the extra people. The ceremony itself is quite private and family oreinted where the reception is more party oreinted. It's not uncommon at all.

That makes a lot of sense -- I could see where having a small area or building for the ceremony limiting the number of people.

Another thing i thought of after posting this was that the last 3 weddings have been outdoor (and all were nice and sunny and had backup indoor plans if needed), and most were very lightly attended (lots of empty chairs). Maybe some people have an aversion to outdoor weddings?

[Cataholic]

Of course, Vela presents one very "valid" reason for the lack of attendance at a wedding. In my experience, it seems more likely that the person can't be bothered to attend the wedding (it is at a church, too staid, too dress-uppy), but, bring out the free alcohol, and the person is there.

I think it is rude, and more of a thing with the younger set. I couldn't imagine attending a celebration honouring the newlyweds, when I couldn't be bothered witnessing the ceremony.

Just my .02.

[Ginger's Mom]

Of course, Vela presents one very "valid" reason for the lack of attendance at a wedding. In my experience, it seems more likely that the person can't be bothered to attend the wedding (it is at a church, too staid, too dress-uppy), but, bring out the free alcohol, and the person is there.

I think it is rude, and more of a thing with the younger set. I couldn't imagine attending a celebration honouring the newlyweds, when I couldn't be bothered witnessing the ceremony.

Just my .02.

Yay Johanna, I agree with you completely. But, I couldn't think of a way to phrase it that satisfied me. I think you did a good job of saying what I was thinking.

I think it is more of a "younger generation" thing. The whole point of attending a wedding is to take part in a very sacred and happy occasion, you then celebrate with those that participated. If you just want to have a drink and a dance, get together with the newlyweds next Friday night.

[kuhio98]

No, I don't think it's rude. In fact, I've received invitations to just the reception because the church wedding was just for family. Didn't bother me a bit because practically NOBODY wants to see you married except for your family.

Seriously, think about it. Haven't you ever sat thru a wedding that you know took a year to plan and the ceremony only lasts 10 minutes? What's all the fuss about? But afterwards, it's time to party!