Alex is gone, and my heart is breaking

**jennielynn1970** · 03-08-2007, 06:48 PM

Originally Posted by Lizzie

Oh, Jenn, what heartbreaking news! Tears are pouring down my face and dripping onto Cattulus as I write. Does he also have cataracts or does his blindness have something to do with the tumor also? Perhaps both. The deafness, I assume, has something to do with the cancer? I remember caring for a baby with a head injury (she had been abused) and how distressing it was to hear her constant high pitched crying. At least holding Alex does comfort him and he knows you are there. I hope someone else can help with caring for him. If I lived closer and didn't also have a job, I'd volunteer like a shot. I adore black cats and he looks like such a sweetheart. Cats, as you know, cope with pain better than humans so as long as he is eating and enjoying your company he is still enjoying his life. You must have so wanted to make up to him for what he's been through so far, you are just going to have to squeeze in some extra-special care and adoration into a shorter time than you expected.

Can we send you any little luxuries that he would enjoy? A "Tiger Dreams" blanket? A buttercup bed? Special food? How is his sense of smell?

Keep posting, please, even though it will be hard for you to write and hard for us to read.

Alex is a sweetheart, and I too love black cats... his personality was always great, and he just loved attention. He's really not himself at this point, which is sad, because at least now he's in a home. His sense of smell is actually really good, and he still scarfs down his fancy feast. He's lost about a 1lb. since a week and a half ago. Vet said because of the cancer he's not metabolizing properly. He just seems to want to be comfortable, and sleeps in a carrier with a lot of blankets in it. Either that, or he sleeps on me.

**jennielynn1970** · 03-08-2007, 06:44 PM

I picked Alex up from the vet tonight. Dr. Ron is recommending euthanizing him. He said because of the quality of life he has (or the lack thereof), he doesn't think keeping Alex alive is helping him at all. He's paralyzed on the right side of his body, partially paralyzed on the left, blind, deaf and has the brain tumor. Sigh.... It's just so sad. This poor boy does not deserve this, but then again, no animal deserves to suffer.

I called the woman who runs our shelter, and she told me she'll leave it up to me to decide when the time is right. I really hate being the one in control of the decision, but I don't want to rush it either. I'm going to spend some quality time with him, and if I see he is suffering or in pain, then I'll make sure he gets to my own vet and he'll cross the bridge then. I just don't think the time is right now, but then, how do you know when the time is right???

**jennielynn1970** · 03-09-2007, 09:54 PM

Alex seems more vocal today. Not sure why. He also didn't want to be held. He kept squirming and would get down and wander in his circles and howl. I don't know if this is worse or not really. He did seem to have some issues while eating, unless it was just that he was having a furball problem. Sigh. I've gotten him cans of Sheba, figuring that if these are his last days, at least he'll be eating better food than I am. Those new little cans of Sheba seem to be pure chicken, prawns, you name it. Alex definitely enjoys them!

**jennielynn1970** · 03-12-2007, 10:16 AM

After much thought this weekend, and a heavy heart, I will be taking Alex to Walbert Animal Hospital to cross the bridge tonight. I feel he is suffering, and I don't want to put him through more, and he deserves to be shown some mercy at this point. He's so not himself. He's declined even more in weight. He's been just laying around and not moving most of the time, and the rest he just travels the perimeter of the room and howls. It's breaking my heart, but I can't stand to see him like this, just existing. Say a prayer for my dear boy.

**jenluckenbach** · 03-12-2007, 10:25 AM

{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

You are without a doubt doing the correct thing for Alex, but that never makes it any easier on the humans left behind.

I am glad he had you to be there for him.

**Medusa** · 03-12-2007, 10:29 AM

It's never easy, to be sure, but you're doing what's best for Alex and that's what counts. It would be selfish to keep him only existing the way he is now. You'll be there to comfort him every step of the way and he'll love you for it as he has loved you for the kindness you've shown him. He'll be waiting for you at the RB as Gary would say, "one fine day". A candle burns for you both.

Blessings,
Mary

**Catty1** · 03-12-2007, 06:45 PM

Jenn, thank you and bless you for loving this dear dear boy. He won't be at all scared to go to the RB - because he already knows what an angel is like.

Prayers for you and Alex...it is the right time...and you know you have many shoulders here for you.

hugs