How would you cope with this?

[Ally Cat's Mommy]

I am finding a few things which I have to experience on a daily basis here very upsetting, and I just can't figure out how to deal with them / work through them.....

If you are sensitive, I'd suggest stopping reading this now...

This place is so depressing - the only thing more upsetting than the starving animals is the starving and deformed children begging - it makes me sick to my stomach every single day. BUT if you role down the window to try and give food or money (most of them live on around 50c per day) your car gets MOBBED and it can be dangerous, so you just sit in traffic and try not to look.

There are beggars (both able bodied and disabled), Adults and Children everywhere. The road out of my area is a constant traffic jam, so they walk (or crawl) (or drag themselves on skateboards if the can't walk or have no legs) between the lines of cars. Even with shades on the windows they can still see in enough to see that I am an expat - plus the big car seat in the back marks me as a "soft target".

You can't imagine how I feel having kiddies and old women and sick people hanging on the car and shouting "Help me Madam", and "God Bless You".

It does not matter what time of the day I go out - it's always the same. Plus it's the only road out of my area - there is no alternative route.

There is a lady with a baby the same age as Cali standing there every day - the baby's arms are terribly deformed, but she still smiles and tries to wave. There is another lady with twins of about 6 months - one on each hip - just standing there for hours in the heat.

It's a VERY bad idea to roll down your window and give anyone anything - you will get mobbed.

I don't have the financial ability to donate to a charity here right now - plus this country is so corrupt that I would never know where my money was going.

I don't have the time (Cali is a handful), and more than that I don't have the EMOTIONAL strength right now to get involved or volunteer anywhere.

For the first time in my life I am feeling totally overwhelmed and totally incapable of doing anything to help.

Every time I think of those babies, and look at Cali, I just cry my eyes out. Every time that little girl "waves" on the road, I literally sit in the back of the car and sob for hours. They have no future here, no education, never mind special-needs education.

I'm at a really low point at the moment.

[Karen]

We will keep you in our prayers. And perhaps, as Cali outgrows things, you can donate her clothes to the moms you see with babies. If they cannot use them, they can probably barter or sell them. You cannot help them all, though I know your heart hurts for wanting. Is there any charity around you see that actually helps the people? Any church organizations that do?

Hmm, perhaps you should start a diary, or a blog, detailing what you see when you go out, and it will move people enough to want to help?

[Jadapit]

Oh my gosh, I couldn't handle that either! It made me cry reading it. I can not fathom seeing that every single day. It makes me ashamed for bitching about things I dont have. I have everything compared to those poor people.

I wish I could say something to make you feel better. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. {{{Hugs}}}

[jenluckenbach]

Such a sad way to live. I am not even sure what to say.

[cassiesmom]

There is heart-wrenching poverty all over the world. I think you are doing the right thing by not helping anyone because you know you can't help everyone. When I worked in downtown Chicago, there was a young woman who used to hang out on the corner across from our offices with a small cat. She always looked strung out, stoned and in generally terrible shape, so we managed (with the help of the Chicago police) to get the cat away from her and into a local shelter; she was back the very next day with a different cat! I'm sure she was using the money that she claimed was for cat food to support an addiction. You cannot help everyone and there are organizations in place whose goal is to do just that. Steel yourself, keep your windows closed, and go out as infrequently as you can.

I remember reading a similar thread about panhandlers some time ago on PT - I quickly searched, but I can't find it. Will search more carefully when I have more time. Hang tough ally cat's mommy - hopefully you will be living in Australia in the not too distant future and things will be different from what you see in Nigeria.

[Randi]

Oh Julie, it is really sad that some people have to live like that. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, along with missing Aly and Connor.

I've seen similar things in Dominican Republic. When you walk down a street, there are beggars everywhere and if you help them, they come running after you - with their entire family and all their friends. It's just impossible! John and I went to very poor areas and we did get to know a few families and helped them as much as we could. It's amazing they can smile and be happy in spite of their poor lives. However, it was ten times worse in Haiti. John went there - I couldn't cope. A group of us at the hotel packed some clothes, shoes, mirrors and pencils and paper for John to give them. What makes me angry, is that some people there are extremely rich, and they don't seem to give a hoot about the poor.

One day, we had to laugh, we were in the square in Puerto Plata, it was a busy time of day - an American couple had taken a taxi from their luxurious resort to town. As they got out, they immediately turned around a said "Please take me back to the hotel". They just couldn't handle it.

I think the only way to really solve these problems in the world, is to help build places up and teach them how to set up a business, and schools of course.

To give some of Cali's outgrown clothes, is a one way of helping, so please consider that.

Julie, I'm sending hugs and hope you'll feel better soon!