Why couldn't I just...

[lizbud]

I don't know what Stream of Consciousness is??? But you are correct that I should have read all of the posts before jumping into the discussion. If you looked to the very next posts you will see that I did just that...

Stream of consciousness is
.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stream_of_consciousness

I did indeed read read the next postings. That was my whole point. You
would not have had to apologize later on for what you said earlier.

I thing I've really learned a little about the problems faced by step parents
and children. I've never been in that situation and had no idea how rough
it could be in blending familyies.

[Logan]

I remember my minister telling Scott and me, in our premarital counseling, 3 1/2 years ago, that the hardest part of our marriage would always be blending our families and handling life with each other's children. How right he was! And I cannot tell you the number of times, especially the first couple of years, that I thought that I would not survive it and I questioned my decision. What I realized is that I was trying to hold them up to the standard I had set for my own child. They have different personalities, and come from a different situation. I'm still guilty of doing that sometime, but I'm better, and try to treat each one individually. I don't want to be their mother, but I do want them to not make our lives a living hell when they are with us. We get such precious few days each month with them, anyway. And once we got past that, after much discussion, and I realized that this had not just been a big adjustment for my daughter and for me, but for all of them as well, we did better. And now I don't hesitate to speak up to them when things get a bit rocky. It will never be easy, but of course, if I had 3 children of my own, it wouldn't be easy! I was just spoiled from having one pretty good child, all to myself, for over 10 years. Our children are 15 (my daughter), 13 (his daughter) and 11 (his son). They're good kids, but like Gini said, they are kids. We are adults and it is up to us to behave accordingly and work through things with the children.

I have been so fortunate that my daughter's father and I, along with his wife, have always been able to work together, without harsh words, on Helen's behalf. It has made a world of difference. She has never heard any criticism from any of us about the other, nor has she heard it from relatives. And the result is a well-adjusted, happy teenager, who really hasn't given us much grief at all.

Is this really going to end your marriage? If I'm getting too personal, don't worry about answering. It just seems to me that if this one incident could cause your husband to not want to be married, then you probably don't need to be married to him. Or has this been building up for a while?

I send you my prayers and best wishes. Fight for this marriage to work if you love your husband. And remember, this child is a part of him, and you knew that when you married him. She will grow up too soon and be gone before you know it.

Logan