What do you think about age differences in relationships?

[luckies4me]

Thank you.

[aly]

Originally posted by My Peanuts

As for your age question, As long as both parties are over 18 I see nothing wrong with it. If an 18 year old wants to date a 60 year old and they are happy, then it's none of my business.

I agree with that. I personally might feel uncomfortable with someone a lot older or a lot younger than me, but I don't think there's any problems with 2 people of any age (over 18) being together. None of my business and doesn't bother me (except in cases like Anna Nicole Smith and Hugh Hefner, ew, hehe).

[carole]

I am so with Fox-gal on this one, her comments make sense, I was one of those mother's and probably still am who give 100 per cent and then some to my children, it is not always healthy for either child or parent, I wished in hindsight I had given myself a bit more of a life when I was single parenting my first child, it is a little different now because there are two of us and I can get the time I so need to take time out.

IMO that is all Cass is doing taking time out, every parent on the earth needs that, and whether it is with a male companion or female , it should not matter.

It sounds like Dylan has the best of both worlds to me, he is no longer caught up with two parents bickering and miserable, he now gets one on one time with each parent, not all custody arrangements are so amicable.

With Cass and Dan getting their own personal space now and then, this makes them both able to cope better, and makes a happier parent who can indeed IMO parent better, and therefore you have a happier child, a much improved situation all round.

I understand where PCB and Tonya are coming from as well, they are only concerned and fear that Cass will use her new found freedom in a negative way, as we all can do sometimes, but I think she is more sensible not to get involved in serious relationships at the moment, indeed did Cass not do that with her internet boyfriend, so maybe she feels it is time just to have some fun and not get hurt yet again.

[Oggyflute]

Well my partner just turned 46, and I am 40. We have been together for 7 years now and still going strong. So there is absolutely nothing wrong with the lady of the relationship being the older of the two. Any relationship no matter what the age is going to work giving that it's with love, respect and understanding.

[catnapper]

Taking this conversation away from the age thing for a moment... I think there is a delicate line a parent must follow -- too much dedication to their child and the parent suffers from a sense of individuality. They loose themselves and become so-and-so's parent. They define themselves as that, and nothing else. For years, my husband was a single father and he devoted (and still does) his life to the kids .He was merely dad. Today, he's still in that role and I often see it this way: He is dad first, husband second, teacher third. Which is fine that he is so devoted to the kids. Really it is. BUT there comes the times where he lives his life merely to serve them. That gets scary. I see him dog-tired right now. He NEEDS to be in bed because he's been sick for over a month now. He's short tempered and exhausted. But does he get to bed when he needs to? noooo... because he's the willing taxi driver for the kids' BOYFRIENDs. Yes, thats right, a boyfriend comes over after school and stays til his curfew of 10:00 and hubby drives him home. The kids know I think thats nuts and won't drive him home, his own MOTHER won't come get him because she thinks the same thing. So hubby does it. Thats just one exapmle of him living and 'sacrificing' everything for the kids. You can't live your life for the kids. You have to have a balance where you have life for yourself and your kids. Because it ends up hurting eveyone in the longrun. Like now for instance, he's fried. He's exhausted, and he's sick. Yet he keeps running for them.

Then on the other hand, I see what Tonya and PCB is afraid of, and they DO have valid points, where going out to the movies a few times a week might be selfish. You can have a life, you can have friendships... but you need to be home when your son is too. I think you are doing that (it sounds as if the night out are nights your son is with his father... am I right?) Its too easy to fall into a selfish "I'm just having fun" mode after you have experienced a few years of utter hell. And sometimes that "just having fun" mode overtakes and blinds you from taking perfect care of a child. Not to say that you are doing that, just that many people do.

There needs to be a give and take, where you are there for your child in any way they beed you, but you also find time to take care of your own needs. When children are younger, its imperative you be there for them more than taking care of yourself. But as they age, and reach school, etc... you can start reclaiming your life as your own. And by the time they are teenagers ,there shold be a proper balance of respect from both sides.

[luckies4me]

Dylan is in bed by 8 anyway, and we don't go out until after that.

[slick]

I have not read this whole thread but let me throw my two cents worth in here.

My Mom and Dad married in 1948. She was 24 and he was 44. They had a very happy marriage until he passed in 1995. A success story.

I had a two year relationship with a man 16 yrs older than me. It was very destructive and verbally abusive. We had different views on things and I do believe that the age difference was the main cause of so much unhappiness. Not the only cause, but the main one. An unsuccessful story.

I have no problems with age differences at all, however I have no intention of getting involved with man ever again. Been there, done that. I'm happy living the single life.

[Oggyflute]

Originally posted by slick
I have not read this whole thread but let me throw my two cents worth in here.

My Mom and Dad married in 1948. She was 24 and he was 44. They had a very happy marriage until he passed in 1995. A success story.

I had a two year relationship with a man 16 yrs older than me. It was very destructive and verbally abusive. We had different views on things and I do believe that the age difference was the main cause of so much unhappiness. Not the only cause, but the main one. An unsuccessful story.

I have no problems with age differences at all, however I have no intention of getting involved with man ever again. Been there, done that. I'm happy living the single life.

I thought the same thing Slick, until I met Carole. When that special person comes along, it's probably when you least expext it. My sister was in an abusive relationship which thankfully ended a while ago now. She is with another man who is just a saint and couldn't be happier.

[CalliesMom]

I don't know any of the circumstances dealing with Luckies4me or any other PTer, so I will leave that topic alone. I also do not have kids and am basing my opinion on things I have witnessed in my brother's marriage. My brother is a consultant and is gone far too much for a man who has two very young children (I love my brother don't get me wrong...I think his career choices are very selfish). My sister-in-law, in all aspects and reality, was a single mother and never, ever had time for herself. Yes, your child should be your #1 priority but I also do not think you should define yourself as a person based upon your children. You are not just a mother, but a woman who might enjoy reading, working out, yoga, etc etc. She was ran ragged; she never had free time for herself--you know, those five minutes each day we ALL NEED to stop, think, and regroup. I think everyone deserves a time out on their own, even just for once or twice a month to see the forest through the trees. Eventually, your children will grow up and if you base your entire existence around them, then what? I do not think a parent should be out every weekend partying, getting drunk, whatever. BUT hiring a babysitter every once in a while IS A GOOD THING.

Things became so bad, but sister-in-law's mother and husband moved in with them. Those are completely different issues that I don't agree with either, but it's not my life. Of course, my brother has been gone for a month in Europe working... I just don't see us ever having come from the same family. Our priorities are completely different.

[luckies4me]

I've never been much for partying. In highschool I was VERY quiet, and am still a very shy person, but sometimes you just NEED to go out and trust me, if I didn't I would definitely be crazy by now. I get stressed very easily and cannot be cooped up inside of the house. If we are going out after Dylan is asleep and are there in the morning when he wakes up, we are still there for him when he needs us to be. We went to 80's night Thursday (Dan and I) and had a blast. We didn't go for the drinks, we went for the people. To meet new people is just exciting. I'm a BIG music person and honestly I would probably be dead right now without it, so just going and listening to the music mooved me more than one can imagine.

I guess I just have different views when it comes to parenting. I've seen the way and KNOW the way I want my child to grow up. As long as their life is full of love and happiness (and sometimes I think he can't get any happier) LOL that's all that matters.

[K9soul]

Many people have spoken thoughts I have had over the past few months. I always tell myself it's not my business, but when someone chooses to post so much about their personal life, it is almost impossible not to form opinions on such things. Whether what I have seen and the conclusions I have drawn are correct, I do not honestly know. What I can honestly say is that no matter how happy and settled a child seems, a divorce or separation IS hard on them. I realize it may be just as hard, or harder, to live with both parents who are unhappy and angry all the time, but separation of family brings about a lot of insecurities, even if just subconsciously. I'm speaking as someone who grew up with divorced parents, separated from my dad's side of the family and separated from my sister. Honestly it'd feel a little more realistic to me if I saw reports of some of the problems that were going on with little Dylan, instead of "everything is just perfect and happy" because it's hard to believe that. Life is never that way.

I generally hold thoughts like this to myself, but on the off chance it might cause you to really take a look inside yourself on the choices you are making, Cass, I felt I would voice them. But then, I am also a stodgy 30-year old . Please do not feel you must defend or justify yourself, or tell me I am right or wrong in my thinking. I only ask you simply read my words and either dismiss them or consider them as you will.

As far as the original topic (and I'm sorry for derailing it a bit), David is 3 years older than I am, and I like our closeness in age personally as we are in the same stages of life together. But I believe it's a personal thing and may be different from person to person. As long as it is not an older person with a minority, I think it is up to the couple.

[sammy101]

i dont have a problem with age differences.If they love eachother,go for it!

[luckies4me]

Originally posted by K9soul
Many people have spoken thoughts I have had over the past few months. I always tell myself it's not my business, but when someone chooses to post so much about their personal life, it is almost impossible not to form opinions on such things. Whether what I have seen and the conclusions I have drawn are correct, I do not honestly know. What I can honestly say is that no matter how happy and settled a child seems, a divorce or separation IS hard on them. I realize it may be just as hard, or harder, to live with both parents who are unhappy and angry all the time, but separation of family brings about a lot of insecurities, even if just subconsciously. I'm speaking as someone who grew up with divorced parents, separated from my dad's side of the family and separated from my sister. Honestly it'd feel a little more realistic to me if I saw reports of some of the problems that were going on with little Dylan, instead of "everything is just perfect and happy" because it's hard to believe that. Life is never that way.

I generally hold thoughts like this to myself, but on the off chance it might cause you to really take a look inside yourself on the choices you are making, Cass, I felt I would voice them. But then, I am also a stodgy 30-year old . Please do not feel you must defend or justify yourself, or tell me I am right or wrong in my thinking. I only ask you simply read my words and either dismiss them or consider them as you will.

As far as the original topic (and I'm sorry for derailing it a bit), David is 3 years older than I am, and I like our closeness in age personally as we are in the same stages of life together. But I believe it's a personal thing and may be different from person to person. As long as it is not an older person with a minority, I think it is up to the couple.

Thank you for your input. My parents too are divorced, and I honestly can say I'd be living in hell if they ever stayed together!!! I was 4 at the time, and though there were some negative effects on me, I am so proud of my parents for not staying together just for the sake of the children. I honestly think this is the best that that's happened to Dylan. I can only wonder what on earth he would be living with if we were still together. It would be absolutely horrid for him.

Dylan doesn't really have any problems except his speech, in which case that was going on before Dan and I split. He's gotten a lot better though! He's doing wonderful and his daycare teacher thinks he's far more advanced in some subjects than most kids. He's just very quiet. Which is understandable as both Dan and I are the same way.

My son is fine. Trust me. I know him like no other here.

[IRescue452]

I always said I would never date anybody more than 5 years older than me, but here I am at 20 years old dating and in love with a 32 year old. I say he is perfert for me except for the age, and I will probably never again find Mr. Perfect. That stuff sure does blow up in your face!

[luckies4me]

Well we are doing very well!