You have my heartfelt sympathy. I know and understand your pain. Please, don't be too hard on yourself.

Years ago we had three miniature poodles. One, Dutchess, was mine. My stepmother went next door to the neighbor's home and didn't shut the gate..........all three went racing out into the street and we lost two of them........Dutchess being one of them.

So, I truly do understand. You have my prayers.