Oh dear, things have really gotten out of hand and out of perspective here haven't they.

Stop.

Step back.

Read a book or do some excersise - something unrelated to the dog - for half an hour, then come back and let's take a look at what's happening.

Lets take the crate to begin with. For the dog to empty its anal glands shows it was feeling EXTREME fear at the time. Why is it so important for him to go into his crate? Is it vital to your life? I don't think it is and I think that trying to force your dog to accept it is causing a lot of the conflict. Your dog was so frightened that it has been forced into defending itself, this in turn has taught the dog that it has the power and the right to defend itself.
The first steps you can take to regaining control and respect is to eliminate the conflict situations.
Put the crate in a cupboard out of sight and put a dog bed in its place.

The next area of conflict is food. It is totally natural for a dog to defend it's food. This will be increased if the dog feels threatened when eating. By insisting on touching the dog when it eats you are reinforcing its belief that it MUST defend what it feels belongs to him. Food is very important to the dog - you have given it as a gift to him then seem, to him, unsure if you really want to give it up as you remain close to it.
Steak for his birthday - even more precious than normal rations, a higher value gift that needs to be defended even more vigorously.
Remove the conflict, allow the dog to feel safe when eating and show him that he has a lower place in the pack by feeding in the way I suggest in a minute. The aim of this is to be dominant in the dogs eyes using the same method as an Alpha in a wild pack would. There is no conflict, no insecurity and no need to defend.

Get your dogs bowl onto a kitchen worktop as though you are going to prepare his food. Put a small plate next to the bowl. Put a biscuit, some grapes, anything small that you can eat-it need only be a couple of mouthfuls. Prepare the dogs food. Eat what you have chosen from the plate - the dog sees the Alpha taking the best bits of the meal as is the Alphas right. All this time you do not look at or talk to the dog - act as if he is not there. When you have finished eating (make sure you have finished chewing) put the dogs food down and leave the room. You have eaten what interests you and you have no further interest in the food. Stay away for fifteen minutes, ignoring the dog, them pick the bowl up. No conflict, no stress, no problem.

If you really want to give the dog a special treat such as steak on his birthday then cut it up into small bits and feed it from his bowl in the same way as above or hand feed as treats for correct responses to command.

If you are having problems with the dog on the furniture leave a short lead on him when in the house. Use this to remove him from furniture, staying calm. There is no need to actually say anything to him or look at him - just pick up the lead and walk away.

I'm late for work now so if you want some more ideas let me know and I will get back to you later.
Don't worry, this is not the disaster that you must feel it is. You can sort out the dogs confusion and make life pleasant and stable for the both of you again.
Good luck with it.