When to start sex education?

[chrangharris]

I belong to a parenting forum and there was a thread about a 10 yr old girl getting pregnant. This topic was prompted by that thread and I wanted to hear other's opinions A lot of people were stating that girls should be taught about sex and what it means when they get their first period- that can be anywhere from age 9 to 16. I taught 1st, 2nd, and 3rd graders for a few years. A lot of them knew more about sex then I did when I was 16 or older!


That brings me to my question, when should we start teaching children about sex? What is your opinion? Seasoned Moms- how did/do you handle it?


My personal opinion... sex education is an ongoing thing. It should begin when children first start to realize that there are differences between boys and girls. They should be taught the body parts and taught that they are private. As the children ask questions, answer them honestly. Teach them that it is ok to talk about it but that sex is something special. Young children are curious but they don't want a real detailed answer. Answers can be watered down to fit their maturity level without lying to them.

Please, tell me what you think of this matter?

[mina'smomma]

My mom thought that if we were old enough to ask the questions we were old enough to know that truth. She has told me about sex for as long as I can remember, and that is the way my children will be raised.

[sirrahbed]

I am a "seasoned" mom and I could not possibly answer it any better than the two younger women ahead of me That is exactly how I did it and it seemed to work. No silly names for body parts. No hushed tones when we talked about sex and we talked about just about everything as casually as can be. The biggest problem I ran into was the "dirtiness and shame" that my kids ran into when they hit the public schools. They never learned that at our house. Maybe the wrong words - but the attitude that sex is something to be tossed around as a shocking thing

When toddler/babies learn their body parts - they need to learn the correct words. Boys obviously have a penis. Girls have a vagina but I don't think that is the correct term to learn. They can't SEE their vagina. Maybe genitals, pubis, or vulva would be better?

Funny story when one of my little boys went in for a physical. The doctor sais he needed to check his "peepee" - my son looked at him quizically and answered "you mean my PENIS?"

[Tonya]

I am all ears on this one. My son is seven and we're bumping into some awkward moments with me being pregnant and all. I am afraid to give him to much information for his age, but he is so inquisitive.

[sirrahbed]

Originally posted by Tonya
I am all ears on this one. My son is seven and we're bumping into some awkward moments with me being pregnant and all. I am afraid to give him to much information for his age, but he is so inquisitive.

Does he know body parts Tonya? What does he ask? I believe a normal second or third grader is probably ready to hear as much as he asks. Does he want to know how the baby got in there?
Mommy has eggs in her body that start to grow when daddy gives them the right nutrition (sperm) when he loves the mommy.
How does he do this?
Daddy loves mommy by holding her so close that his penis can go inside of her and it feels very good because they love each other and sometimes this starts a baby growing. Married people love each other in this way.
Yuck! Does daddy do this to you???
yes, sometimes and it is not yucky, it is nice and you will like it when you are married and love somebody, too ETC!!!
This sounds about right for a seven year old IF this is what he is asking.

[popcornbird]

Originally posted by sirrahbed
Does he know body parts Tonya? What does he ask? I believe a normal second or third grader is probably ready to hear as much as he asks. Does he want to know how the baby got in there?
Mommy has eggs in her body that start to grow when daddy gives them the right nutrition (sperm) when he loves the mommy.
How does he do this?
Daddy loves mommy by holding her so close that his penis can go inside of her and it feels very good because they love each other and sometimes this starts a baby growing. Married people love each other in this way.
Yuck! Does daddy do this to you???
yes, sometimes and it is not yucky, it is nice and you will like it when you are married and love somebody, too ETC!!!
This sounds about right for a seven year old IF this is what he is asking.

*faints*

I would NEVER even imagine telling a 7 year old such clear details. I didn't have a CLUE about sex at 7...not a CLUE, and now, I'm not uninformed on this issue in the least bit. We're human beings...we have to know this stuff eventually, but why tell a young child who is too young to bother with such things? 7 is too early IMHO. I would've hated to know that stuff at 7, in all honesty. 7 year olds don't 'need' to know about sex in such details. They have a lot more things to be told that are appropriate for their age...and sex and how we get babies is, in my opinion, not one of them. I think its better to wait. I wouldn't tell at 7, and I wouldn't want anyone else telling my future children at 7 either. Of course there are certains things they SHOULD know by 7, but actual 'sex'...how you get a baby, etc? No...I think 7 is too young for that.

I also believe children who are taught about sex before they need to know are the ones who want to 'try it out' first. We have enough early pregnancy problems in this country already. Little boys are innocent and don't need to know the details of women and adulthood at that innocent age, when they're going to absorb EVERYTHING they hear, and as children, will have the urge to try it themselves.

[smokey the elder]

My sister, as a nurse, was very frank with my niece when she would ask questions, especially about "plumbing" differences. She insisted that my niece use the proper names for things, which I thought interesting. My niece grew up well adjusted, for all that I can tell, and has a little one of her own.

I guess it depends on the comfort level. (BTW, my niece was around farm animals... )

[sirrahved]

Jason and I have talked about this a lot. One of our biggest worries is that telling a child to not do something makes it seem like something fun to do!

I think something we want to hit home all through sex education is that it is something beautiful from God that married people do.

I think that some sort of sex education should start very early and continue on.

One mistake I think many make is not continuing sex ed with their children.

[chrangharris]

popcorn, I think the way a parent answers questions depends on the questions they ask. If a child starts asking detailed questions, they are wanting to know more. I know of a lot of 7 year olds who have heard about sex on the playground and then go to their parents for clarification. I don't know if I would volunteer that information when Misha is 7 but if she starts asking, I'm going to tell her the truth.


I agree with sirrahved about teaching them at a young age that sex is something very special between a husband and his wife. It is not a game and it is for adults.

[sirrahbed]

Originally posted by popcornbird
*faints*

I would NEVER even imagine telling a 7 year old such clear details.

I hope I made it very clear that it depends completely on what the child asks. If a smart seven year old wants to know how the baby got started growing in there and is that curious, then he is ready to know, in my opinion. Part of my reasoning comes from being a nurse and a Christian. I would not volunteer the information, but if they ask such specifics...those examples were what my answers would be In every case, I have always stressed marriage, love and specialness.

What would YOUR answers be?

[CalliesMom]

I was about six the first time I ever heard of sex--my friend had a much older sister (she was probably in the 6th grade). She just told us about it but I had no real clue how one actually did it..simply that it made babies.

I was in the 4th grade when we had our first sex education course but I just recall learning what a male/female part looks like but not about diseases/pregnancy.

Before I start, I hope I don't offend anyone but I don't believe teaching children abstinence and waiting until marriage is the right thing to do. I believe that is one portion of sex education that should be taught, but believe proper protection is MANDATORY particularly with younger and younger children experimenting. If my teacher/counselor had told me to wait to have sex until I was married, I wouldn't have listened. I was going to have sex whether or not someone told me "no"...

Lucky for me, I grew up in a household where my parents were not afraid to answer my questions and did not make the topic of sex uncomfortable. My parents would have rather me be educated and know how to protect myself against diseases, pregnancy, etc. than wind up in a situation I would later as an adult regret. I made the smart decision that when at 17 I felt ready to have sex, I told my parents that I wanted to be put on birth control and I wasn't made to feel "bad." I would have had sex anyway, so at least they made the step to help me make the right decisions at the time.

I think it's unfortunate that more parents aren't comfortable to be able to talk openly about sex with their children. It's not disgusting, it's done between two people who should care about each other, and the child needs to be educated about the consequences of sex. I would rather my children have the knowledge to make wise decisions, than be pregnant or worse have a deadly disease at 15.

Sex education should not be left up primarily to school teachers--these are your kids and you need to be involved in all aspects of their life.

[RICHARD]

Originally posted by chrangharris
A lot of people were stating that girls should be taught about sex and what it means when they get their first period- that can be anywhere from age 9 to 16.

8:20 a.m.!!


I went to homeroom first, 8:00 a.m.-that's where they made all the announcements and gave you all the school forms to fill out....
That ended at 8:15...

Then on to typing class, that was my first period.

[Nomilynn]

Originally posted by popcornbird
I also believe children who are taught about sex before they need to know are the ones who want to 'try it out' first. We have enough early pregnancy problems in this country already. Little boys are innocent and don't need to know the details of women and adulthood at that innocent age, when they're going to absorb EVERYTHING they hear, and as children, will have the urge to try it themselves.

I COMPLETELY disagree with this. It has been studied through surveys, etc. that the INFORMED kids don't need to try it because they feel informed.

Debbie I thought you answers were really, really good. And from the sounds of Tonya's son, he would be able to handle an answer like that. It does totally depend on the child, and it totally depends on what kind of information they want to know. When I was little, I was an only child so I never had any need to ask about how babies were made. But when I got older and started to see pragnant ladies on TV I asked my mom and she told me, very much in the same way Debbie described, about sex. It wasn't gross because my mom didn't make it into a gross thing. Kids won't know to be uncomfortable unless they have been shown or told it's something to be uncomfortable about. If it's talked about as a "normal" part of being an adult, which it IS, kids won't care.

By making it a "dirty" subject you are just asking for kids to have a complex about feeling like a pervert every time they feel a sexual urge through puberty, which is really, really sad.

[popcornbird]

Originally posted by Nomilynn
I COMPLETELY disagree with this. It has been studied through surveys, etc. that the INFORMED kids don't need to try it because they feel informed.

I probably didn't word it right, but I'm all for explaining kids about reproduction, sex, the risks involved, etc., however, I feel there's a certain age to tell these things. It IS important to tell them...just not TOO early. Teens should definitely know, and I guess you could tell a 10 year old too...but 7 is just too early in my opinion. When you tell a 7 year old anything, they usually do want to experiment with it. I know I wanted to experiment with any 'new information' at that age. Not that a 7 year old is really going to be able to experiment with sex, but I still think its too early to give them so much information that they would start to wonder how it feels and such. Children are curious. They're going to ask no matter what. I remember asking my mom some weird questions as a child, and she always gave me an answer, without giving too much information. I was the type of child that asked a LOT of questions...about God, about babies, about why women got pregnant and men didn't ...all sorts of things. I was CURIOUS. I did not NEED to know everything I asked, but as a child, I wanted to know everything. I honestly think I drove my mom crazy, because I 'know' there were times when she didn't know how to answer my questions appropriately.

Now personally, if I had a 7 year old asking about pregnancy, I would explain to him/her that God gave women the ability to become pregnant to keep making more humans, and to keep the human race on going. I would explain a bit, but I wouldn't get into the issue of 'how' women get pregnant. If the child asked HOW, then I would tell him/her that there are certains things you will know when you're older, not right now. My mom used to tell me that sometimes, when I asked TOO much. She didn't lie to me...just made it clear that I would get to know these things later in life.

I understand that you all have your own opinions and I respect that. 7 is just 'too early' from my perspective, whether the child is asking or not. I 'was' asking at that age, but now when I look back at things, I'm glad my mom didn't tell me at that time. It was too much for my little mind to handle. These issues are a very natural and 'normal' part of being a human being. Its the way God made us, and kids SHOULD know about 'themselves' and how the human body works. I just believe, like I stated before, that there is a certain age to tell kids certain things.

[Tonya]

Sirrahbed, he is definitely asking the questions that require a detailed answer like that. You know, I'm one of those vulgar personalities that can blab the details of my sex life to a crowd of friends, but I can't bring myself to talk to my son about sex? I don't know why, but I am just so uncomfortable about it. I think I was about 6 when my mom explained it to me. She read me a book that had pigs and dogs and chickens mounting eachother. lol. I've searched for a book but I can't find one.