Thanks everyone... I really appriciate it.. I'll let you know how I do... She'll probably butcher it anyways shes brutal!!! This paragraph is worth 30% of our mark!!!

Karen:I think the moreover at the begining sounds stupid as well but I was leaving it for HER benefit every example she gave us she said to use moreover, therefore.... at the start or our sentences.

Thanks again everyone else... I printed out what I had last night lets hope I at least get a 60% (pass)

Jods