Thanks everyone for your kind words. It was a long, rough night but the light of day always makes things better. I'm still sniffling somewhat because I can't get little Sox' face out of my mind. She was an adorable tiger w/white paws, thus her name.

I guess I feel so bad because she was a feral cat but so sweet. She hardly ever let me hold her but when she did, she purred like a little motor boat. I feel so sad that she'll never get to snuggle in w/my other kitties, curl up in bed w/me, drink water out of the faucet (my Peeka's favorite thing besides chicken) or feel the contentment and safety of a warm, loving home.

And the vet was just brutal. No apology, no comment. Even when I went to get Sox, when the vet saw me, she shrunk back behind a wall and I heard her whisper to one of her assistants. They brought out the other kitten, Mooka, that I had taken in w/Sox and who was scheduled next for spaying. (I told the vet not to touch her!) Then, as I was carrying Mooka in her carrier to my car, they brought Sox out in a box. Still no apology, no explanation, nothing. When I got her home, she was lying in a pool of urine. So, I don't know if perhaps she was still alive and they didn't bother to check her vitals to be sure. Or if her bladder let loose (as it does when one passes away). But if the latter is the case, they didn't even care enough to clean her up and dry her off. What an undignified way to leave this world. Even though no one at the vet's office said so, I believe it's because Sox was feral and therefore, in their eyes, not worthy of concern. My old vet, who is now retired, would have been so compassionate. He would have taken me in his office and talked to me and made sure I was alright before I left. And he would have had me leave by another exit, not in full view of everybody in the waiting room. There were several people there, all smiles and happy because they were taking their fur babies in for routine checkups. I stood there, tears streaming down my face, and the vet tech asked me "Do you need instructions for further care of Sox?" I glared at her and said "WHAT???" Then another vet tech pulled her aside and whispered something to her and she just said "Oh" and left.

Well, I gave Sox a little burial, complete w/incense and candles, prayers and tears. And I asked Spirit to greet her and watch over her. She was so fragile. Her mother, Kaboodle, searched and searched for her, even running into my garage to look around. That broke my heart. But she seems ok now because she's got her other younguns to tend to.

Again, thanx, friends for the words of support. I know the pain will ease w/time, as it already has, but the memory of Sox and my lapse in judgment will be forever w/me.

Blessings,
M