My advise would be to confine her to a smaller area/room. Have litter, water, food in this area. Give her some toys. Slowly allow her to explore other areas of the house, have her in this smaller area for a couple days then move her to intermediate area with little more space. Eventually, full run of the house.
I'm reading in your descriptions of everything allot of stress coming from yourself and your husband. Cat's will play off of stress.

If it becomes to stressful to be a cat owner it's ok. People wont think bad of you. If you were to decide that animal ownership isn't for you and your husband, please find a loving home. Avoid kill shelter.