She has boundaries, but we let them decide things for themselves. We are also VERY open with our kids and they know they can come to us with anything (and trust me, we have had them approach us with some doozies of situations) but my oldest daughter generally doesn't take advantage of that open forum and feels the need to sneak around. We have told her time and time again that she can come to us with ANYTHING and we'd deal with it, but if she lies and hides things, then we will not react well because we want open dialog.

We definately have boundaries and the kids all know where the line is to cross... and she's just crossed it. They know that ocne they cross the line then there will be punsihments issued and work to be done. Our main thing to them is honesty... tell us the truth and we will make thigns right. Lie to us and then youre in deep trouble. She has consistently lied to us for as long as I've known her (since she was 12)and hubby warned me when I met her that she was a liar. (I am the "evil" step mom)

We have expectations for them and the all work within their expectations - all except her. I swear she has that middle child syndrome where she feels inferior compared to her younger sister and older brother. I don't know why she feels this way, but she aparently must.