I need all the hugs you can spare.

[aki]

Hi Jen. ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) I too suffer from depression and am taking medication to help battle it. Trust me, it will help. Hang in there hunny, because you know that you have many close friends on here and we all care about you very much.
Autumn

[jenluckenbach]

OMG! I am over whelmed! A million thank yous would not be enough to cover all your kindness.
I have been at work today, and I just barely managed through the day. I felt like a zombie and I caught myself crying every time I though no one was near. On the way home and after, I cried for hours and hours until I was sick. And the strangest part of all, is that I cried mostly because I did NOT WANT the friendship to end. If I could have my way, I would get an explaination and we would work through it. I WANT her back! But I fear if I cannot get an explaination than I will not be able to forgive or forget. I LOVED this person and I truly thought the feeling was mutual. This is why the pain is so intense. If it were someone I could wipe out of my mind, I would not even be having this problem.

I will be rereading and answering posts, PM's and e-mails for weeks as the responce was so great. You guys sure do know how to make a person feel loved.

THANK YOU

[slick]

Jen...I've just gone through something very similar. No matter what happens we do love you and when you hurt, we hurt with you. Just relax now, hug Charlie and all your furbabies and know that the support you get here is endless.

still more {{{HUGS}}}
slick
xo

[Corinna]

{{{hugs}}}}]((((headbumpies))))) <<<<>>>>

[gini]

I have sent you a p/m, Jen - but this is my very public HUG just for you!

[rg_girlca]

Jen, I have been sick with the stomach flu these past few days and really do not feel up to posting just yet, but when I read your heartfelt thread that brought me to tears, I just had to respond to yours.
These are a few things that I have picked up along the way when I am feeling down and have lost all hope that somewhat helped me get through my times of depression and I hope and pray that just a part of it helps you also.
Jen, try to focus on the positive things in your life and above all, DON'T listen to the negative voices in your head and you'll be happier.
Do not let your heart be heavy, no one on earth is perfect.
Life is full of setbacks, everything happens for a reason and often our failures can lead us to success.
The key to happiness is not fixing your problems, but changing your attitude towards your problems.
Sometimes you can't choose how you feel, but you can choose what to do about it.
I've learned that no matter how good a friend may seem, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and how you deal with the hurt , whether you can forgive them or not, makes a diference.
Also, your life can be changed in a matter of hours, by people who don't even know you.
I don't know you personally Jen, only through Pet Talk. Through the years of reading your threads and posts, I have gotten to know a very kind, caring, loving, selfless and gentle soul, who is loved by so many people. It hurt me so much when I read that you hate yourself. Find something Jen to love in yourself. Others already have.
Also sending a much needed (((((HUG))))) your way.

Another thing Jen.....WE ALL LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!

[catcrazylady]

Jen, I'm so glad you responded again. I have been worried all day about you! You sounded so desperate and lost in your first post. I think if there had been anyway that we could have all gotten to you today you probably would have broken ribs by now from all the hugs!
What I'm gathering from your second post is that your not even sure why this person is so angry with you. No explanation and she won't even talk to you? I don't think you are the one with the problem Jen. It really sounds like this other person has some serious issues that she needs to work through. You valued this friendship and she won't even give you the benefit of explaining her feelings or try to talk things out with you?
I know your feelings are deeply hurt but please remember that you very loved by many! I hope this passes soon and I really hope that this person will at least have the dignity to call or respond to your emails so that you can either begin to heal this friendship or have some closure with an explanation.
We are all here and unfortunately many of us know exactly what you are experiencing. I don't think anyone could have said it better than Lorraine did.

We LOVE you and care very much for you! Please keep us posted on how you are doing and always remember that you are a very special lady.

[jenluckenbach]

Thank you all. I am honored and priveledged to have you as my friends. I am in utter disbelief of the absolutely overwhelming responce I have gotten. With all who posted, PM'd and e-mailed me with love and support I can't help but to feel at least somewhat better. Add to that a personal councelling session with our own catnapper and.......D-A-M-N I feel good!
The hurt will go away, but the depression will not. So I am hoping that my future councelling sessions will help me, at least, control the feelings of self-worthnessless that comes along with the times of sad feelings.
I'd like to publically thank you one and all because the personal responces may take a while. You guys are unbelievable!

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

Jen, I'm SO glad you're feeling better. I hope you know that we will always be there for you, but I'm so glad that Kim is actually there for you. Nothing does it like a real good old fashioned hug.

I think Lisa (CCL) is right in that it sounds to me like the other person is the one with the problem. Unfortunately in our hurt, sometimes it's hard to see that until we've worked through it some. I hope and pray that if you want her back as a friend that she works through whatever her problem is and you can both forgive and forget.

If, however, she does not come through, it sounds to me like you are better off without her in your life and you can move on and find other friends that actually really do love and care for you.

{{{hugs}}} to you. Again, I'm SO glad you're feeling better and I wish you the best of luck with your anti-depression treatment and counciling sessions.

However, DO NOT be afraid to come to us again. Even though we can't physically be there for you, we will do what we can through cyber space.

[lbaker]

Hey Jen.. Badger, Jenny & I aren't so very far away. You want some company any time soon? Maybe an afternoon walking around the little CollegeTown where we met? There was a lovely little church where they didn't even mind Badger walking through with us to see the stained glass windows and listen to the music! I guess it would have to be after the last NASCAR race though, wouldn't want to mess that up (say hi to Charlie from us).

[AmberLee]

I'm late getting to this thread, sorry.

{{{Hugs}}} from Amber
{{{Purrs}}} from Cassy
{{{Headbumpies}}} from Livvy*

* And the Livstress headbumpies HARD

Jen, you are a delight and a wonder. I have some friends that retreat and/or lash out when they are in pain and I'm finally coming to grips with the fact that this is THEM not ME. It really sounds like your friend is like this, too. Like many of the others have said, this will be easier for you when your chemicals are regulated. Hang in there. You are loved. Even if you don't count Charlie and a bazillion fur-kids and fosters how the heck can you ignore the manifold demonstration of us "Crazy Cat Wimun"? I also second the recommendation for a walk followed by a hot bath. Both help me lots when I'm in the mental state you are describing. Hang in there, dear.

"How could anyone fail to notice that your loving is a miracle? How deeply you're connected to our souls..."

[smokey the elder]

{{hugz}} We all love you and what you do for the kitties.

[Tonya]

Jen, I am sorry for what you are going through. I have problems with depression also. I think I've finally found the right medication for myself (fingers crossed). I hope that you get well soon. We all love you. Lots of hugs from me!

[jenluckenbach]

A miracle, no matter how small, is still a miracle after all.

Well, I have been the recipient of one of those small miracles. This Sunday's adoption day was cancelled. A highly improbable event. So Charlie and I took advantage of going to our church's late service (vs. our usual 8am service) And who was there to greet us? A troupe of actors from our local state hospital. They performed a play about mental illness (most significantly depression). It went through all the symptoms (MY symptoms, the ones I related to all so well that I cried through the entire thing). And went on to explain the process of help and support and the return to normalcy.

Had our adoption day event gone on as planned I would never have seen this production or felt the connection.


SIGH! It is hard to fathom, isn't it?

[RedHedd]

Jen, not a coincidence. Your higher power wanted you to be in church to see that presentation. God does work in mysterious ways.