Everyone seems to know the key to the kitty's heart and that of course is patience and lots of it. You will never be able to force a cat to do anything. How they feel about you is up to them. I have a Siamese who has never been affectionate, he tolerates a pat once in a while and holding him is not a pleasant experience for him or me. For all the years I've had him (5) he has never been in my lap. The best I can get is he lays along side me once in a while. He prefers the company of the other cats. Maybe he would be different if he was the only cat. He's never been hurt or abused, I've had him since he was 12 weeks old. He's a strange dude and ever so lovely, but a little snot to say the least.