Thanks for responding! The book that is out of print sounds quite ideal and I'm getting ready to try to find it. As for your questions, the dane mix is a quite passive and laid back male. The border collie is basically the opposite. She's intense, driven, and very, very serious (like most border collies.) When they do secretly play, the female will do some dominant playing (such as putting her nose or leg over the shoulders of the dane) but mostly it's some quick lunges, running, and flinching. There's no tackling going on. And yes, the fights do only occur in small spaces. As for your response:
1: the dogs needs seem clear to me. The dane is a 'ham' and wants to be petted and spend Q.T. with his daddy. The border collie is more demanding. She wants 100% of my attention whether it be playing games, or laying on the couch, or just staring at each other. I'm not sure she realizes that she's a dog!
2: Both dogs are very respectful to their owners, which is why the fights cease with only a minor verbal cue from one of us. We do not have any problems with dogs being respectful. My dog will occasionally show her teeth to the other dog, but she doesn't seem to give the lengthy growl warning signal that a lot of dogs do, and I feel that if she did that, then it would signal the dane to stay away via a more appropriate form of expression. If she would growl first, then it would even give me enough notice to attempt to change the situation before it broke out into a noisy ugly deal.
3: Both dogs are very obedient and respond to both verbal commands and hand signals. If we are eating dinner or watching a movie, we can tell both of them to lie down and there'll be no problems. However, only so much of the day can be spent with both dogs commanded to lay down. It's the familial interaction that causes problems.

I'm not sure what was meant by a 'zen down.'

My only other thoughts on it are that it doesn't seem to be the dane's fault AT ALL. Even training or working with him almost seems a waste of time. He gets along with other dogs and doesn't invade her space in a way that would be excessive or antagonistic. I hate to admit it, but it really is her deal. I just don't know how to adress it, without making the male dog vulnerable. She was well socialized as a puppy, and we've lived in house-holds with up to 5 other dogs. She has never sought out trouble, she just wants them to stay away from her and her posessions. Like I said before, if these were both my dogs, I would just look at it like two children having an occasional disagreement. However, that's definitely not how the other half of this relationship sees it, and I'd like for them to feel as comfortable as possible.
Thanks for responding, I'm definitely going to check out the book. Thanks, Tara