I am so very sorry for your loss of beloved Kelly. I do think you are being too hard on yourself, you loved her dearly and I am sure I would have had the same hopes that she would pull through and the same fears about spaying her at her advanced age. I know it is hard not to blame yourself, but please try not to. I wish there were something more to say to ease your heartache. You will meet her again, happy and healthy at the Bridge. Rest in peace sweet Kelly