Oh Varga...how traumatic! I'm soo terribly sorry! I've been so fortunate to have never lost a pet like that, and know that I would be the same way about still hearing them. It is so difficult to be in charge of someone's life when they are unable to "tell" you exactly what they need and where it hurts. Gut instinct must guide your decisions...and in the end, there are always questions, those "what ifs" that haunt you. Know that Kelly is in a better place now, free from pain and suffering. And of course she doesn't blame you. The one things about dogs...they love unconditionally. You did what you felt was right, and you must stick by that decision. Although I can't directly relate this situation to an animal, in a strange way, I can relate it to my dad, who passed away almost 7 months ago from Pancreatic Cancer. We only had 2 months with him after the diagnosis, and it is as though he had turned into a baby, unable to say what he wanted/needed/felt. We had to make the decisions and trust that they were for the best. With the help of your vet, you did what you could for Kelly. Now, she is comfortable, happy, and watching over you. Try to have a good time in London!!! God Bless you!! <><