This is so funny!!!
Thanks for the laughs Liz

I probably use the strangest commands on my dogs--I act like they are humans!!
Once, my husband was yelling for them in the backyard, and he told them something like if they couldn't share, the ball would have to be taken away, and that he was counting to 3. Our neighbors got a real kick out of that one--they said "when did you guys have kids??"

I definitely use "or don't", especially with Kito
As far as the "WHAT?" goes, I'm guilty of that one too--I have way too many of those to list, lol!!

I tell them "in or outside, it's not a revolving door"

One of my personal favorites that I can remember being told when I was younger: "It's nice outside, why don't you go out and play?"

Unfortunately I have to use the "no humping"

I also use the "tv" command