I really think it comes down to the dentist himself - his "bedside" manner. Not everyone is at ease or related easily to kiddies, and kids pick up on that.

I would chat with other moms in the area and maybe try a dentist who has a reputation for being good with kids.

My son's dentist used to let him ride the dentists chair, spray the water etc, and at the end of the visit blows up the exam glove into a balloon and draws a funny face on it, and gives the kid a small toy. He also had a TV in the ceiling playing cartoons, and would let them listen with headphones when he was drilling to drown out the noise. My son is still totally relaxed at the dentist, and has a positive attitude about visiting the dentist despite having EIGHT teeth out last month.

My dentist is so gentle that I have actually fallen asleep whilst he works on my mouth