Well....from your hubby's response to the shelter and from the fact that he's the one that named her and now you say she does better with him, I think he has found his "daddy's girl." I think the being in heat thing is a real good indication of her moods, but unfortunately that means you would need to get her back to the vet ASAP so you don't have little Matildas running around soon. More stress for you and her right now, but potentially a lot less stress later on.

She is adorable, and I like rg_girlca's idea of being around and talking to her but other than that ignoring her and letting her come to you on her terms. That might make her feel more comfortable - like you're not trying to force anything on her. We know you're not doing that, but not knowing anything of her background, we have no idea what she's thinking.

Having a garage/patio kitty is not the end of the world, and if that's the case, I'm sure she would eventually mellow enough to start letting her meet the rest of the family and letting her in the house.

Good luck, please keep us updated and {{{hugs}}} to you and {{{hugs}}} to hubby, who appears to be much more of a softy than he would like others to know.