I have been thinking about this social anxiety/phobia part of the discussion and realize there are so many degrees of it and that I probably have more of it than I would *like* to have at times. Like anathiona and Carole, I seldom go anywhere and there are times when I can go for days or weeks not answering the phone or door, drawing my curtains, etc. My hubby may want to go out, but either goes somewhere alone (to church, the grocery store, watches a video instead of going to a movie) because I choose to remain at home - and I sometimes feel very badly that his life has adapted to mine in these ways. If I think about it too much, I can become very depressed about it and feel like I am not worth very much! But, we try to strike a balance. But much of this is pressure I put on myself and feel from society's expectations of what "normal" is. Perhaps my life IS normal for ME, at least at this time.

BTW, anathiona - I AM very proud of you for getting out with your hubby and son - getting away from the house, playing like a child and for hearing of your laughter!! That is wonderful that you were able to d this and that you enjoyed it!! It sounds as if it made you feel good and so it was a victory

leslie - just read what you posted as I was writing this and so I can add a bit more because I relate to what you have written also. I am awkward in large groups and family gatherings with my husband. I feel self-conscious and as if I am a bug under a microscope. My original family never had "family" things either. Most of the time, I can *act* normally, but inside I am terrified and very ill at ease and always have been. Even when I am FINE, I feel this way - my counselor tells me that most people do! that we all wear masks...I wonder??? When I was working at my last job - I was assistant to the director of a non-profit agency and had a good bit of responsibility and I definitely wore a mask that I put on every day along with my work clothes and make-up. My co-workers *saw* me as so cool, smart and efficient. My boss trusted me with his trustees and to stand in for him at agency meetings. I acted confident! When I left work each day - walking to the car...driving home...I felt the mask crack..and I usually cried. I only held the job for less than two years and my boss was very bewildered when I decided to leave! Before that I taught school and worked as an RN, but never very long for the same reasons - no confidence!! I was happiest at home with my children and now with my kitties. Maybe I am socially inept or maybe I am naturally shy - I really wonder? There was a time when I had a circle of close friends and a life that seemed normal - I was fun and funny, laughed a lot. I still like to laugh!! Those friends betrayed me badly, though! Maybe the PTSD is finally gaining the best of me?? I never really understood what it was within me until some events several years ago revived very old wounds and I was re-victimized in a terrible, horrible way.

I am going on too long - did not want this thread to be about *me* either. Hope it continues to be one of sharing and encouragement that shows many of us that we are really not so different from one another, and there are many ways to cope with what life brings to us.