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How many of you experiences shutting themselves away from your loved ones, friends, and even online friends when depressed? I want to apologize to you all whenever I don't reply to a thread. It's not that I am not interested, it's just that sometimes I feel it is better for me to hide my pain and I feel like everyone can see right through me when I write and have been told before that they can tell by the way I write when I am depressed. I feel that I don't want to burden you at most times, but felt I owedyou all for my disappearances from Pet Talk. What I do is just shut myself off from everyone. How many of you have the same problem now?

[sirrahbed]

I have PTSD and have had 3 MDE's. I am often housebound. Sometimes PT is all I have and yes, sometimes I even isolate from here. It is a normal, though often *unhealthy* reaction. You are not alone in this behavior. Frustarting though, isn't it? Take care!
Blessings,

[[email protected]]

Yeah it sure is! Plus, I am feeling like a bad friend and famliy member, do you feel that way? Oh and what does those abbreviations stand for if you don't mind telling me...if you don't want to say it here, you could PM me if you'd like-I am not trying to pry, but knowing more details may help me do some research and see if there is anything that might change this in my life. Thanks a lot for you reply, have a great night.

[leslie flenner]

I know what ptsd is (post traumatic stress disorder) but what is mde? I am quite familiar with ptsd. If you want to talk, say so. I won't pretend that I have same but do work in field however much little help that may be!!!! Better than being alone?

[leslie flenner]

some kind of episode? is a fugue?

[sirrahbed]

I will put it here in case it helps someone else. I am not ashamed at all. PTSD stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Usually people associate it with returning war soldiers who have witnessed horrors but it also happens to others such as survivors or rape, witnesses to murders, abuses or various trauma that cause feeling of fear of well-being, etc. Think about the students who were at school during the Columbine shootings, or the people who survived 9/11, the workers, etc. Anyone who already HAS PTSD is also likely to be triggered right NOW because of the instability in the world and on the news.

MDE is a Major Depressive Episode. Usually an emergency. I have had two, possibly three of them. They are severe depressions that make a person somewhat non-functional for a period of time and usually suicidal. I am prone to depression but MDE's are very different.

YES, anathiona, I often feel like a bad friend and family member - a bad mother and wife especially. How can you feel good when you can't seem to react to people the way you really WANT to? I recall the episodes as feeling like I was existing in mud or cement mixture, and even moving was such an effort! It wore me out to get from one place to the other! Try walking through mud up to your neck!

The worst thing about these illnesses is that they are not understood very well and people who are not familiar with them are afraid of them - tend to feel we can just "snap out of it" and get over it. I used to think that way too, until it happened to me!! I worked as an RN in my 20's and did a psych rotation. I had NO sympathy or much compassion for psych patients. I was afraid of them!!

While virtually everyone has some normal depression at times, I did not have a taste of clinical depression until my late 20's after my first child - just a normal post-partum depression but man was that scary! Anyone who has PMS may be able to identify a bit when they feel their brain temporarily take over - or a pregnant woman who finds she suddenly snaps or cries without knowing why? THAT is a tiny taste of what depression feels like.

PTSD is frightening. It has physical symptoms that go with the diagnosis. Best to look into google but some of them are sudden panics, heart racing. a startle reflex to sounds or sights, disturbing nightmares, sweats, flashbacks in time, insomnia, unable to concentrate, irritable, crying fits, tremor-trembling shaking hands, violent outbursts, depression, empty parts in memory, huge fears, isolation, etc...

anathiona...What can you do for yourself? Just being aware that something is wrong is already more than half the battle. If you can still force yourself out of isolation, maybe you can "ride out" the depressions. Do things for yourself that usually make you happy. Treat yourself well because you deserve it. Be aware that you tend to think badly of yourself when depressed but those thoughts are not true. If you can do that, you may just be OK without having to get help. If you have people to talk to, that helps ALOT!

I would definitely encourage you to keep talking - even if it is to PT folks. Professionals would probably not like that idea - sure, there are plenty of whackos here - but you can also find compassionate REAL people who will talk with you on the Internet. If you feel badly for months and months, or start getting worse, I would suggest talking to a doctor. It's no big deal-really! There are anti-depressants to try and I bet you will find that 1 out of every four people right here on PT have or are taking one of them

[moosmom]

I suffer from Clinical Depression. I was diagnosed over 20 years ago, although I can remember at times when I was 13 sitting and crying for no reason, feeling really bad.

I have been on a number of medications until I found the right one, Paxil. It saved my life.

There are times when I go "underground". I stay to myself, don't feel like talking to anyone. Although it has been rare these days, and I attribute it to the wonderful friends I have met here on Pet Talk, every once in a while I'll take time out.

PTSD, clinical depression, bi-polar disease and any number of diseases that effect the brain can be debilitating. There are some people out there who do not understand them and will say things like, "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and move on!!" "Snap out of it!!" Well, if it were THAT easy, I would've done it a long time ago! A chemical imbalance of the brain is like diabetes. It is necessary to control it with medication. It's not going to go away on it's own. It's also not something you can ignore or treat with alcohol, as some people (including my Dad) have tried.

Like sirrahbed said, there are times in one's life where you get the blues. But when it gets to the point where you become a recluse, sleeping alot, eating alot, not eating, crying for days on end, suicidal thoughts and dependency on alcohol or illegal drugs, that's the time to seek professional help.

I did and I'm glad. Between my cats, having a wonderful, caring therapist and great friends here on PT, I'm one of the lucky ones. Some aren't so lucky.

anathiona,

Hang in there. Know that all of us here on PT are here for you. Anytime you want to talk, give me a call. I'll PM you with my number.

(((hugs))))

[sirrahbed]

It just occurred to me that this discussion could best be held in General - why the DogHouse?

[DJFyrewolf36]

I agree that this should probibly be in general...

I was diagnosed with PTSD about three years ago when I overdosed on asprins and was put into a treatment facility. Moonsmom, I've noticed a similar reaction when you tell people you have PTSD. For a while I was an alchohlic (sp?) and addicted to over the counter pain meds and sleeping pills. Not only did I have to deal with the symptoms of PTSD and severe depression, I was also dealing with a growing addiction to alchohol and drugs. It was a double whammy. I am glad I got help and while Im still struggling with it, I DO have family (my husband is a real life-saver) that encurages me to go on with life. It's hard, but don't feel like a bad friend or family member. Friends and family are there to help YOU just as you are there to help them in times of need. Without my husband, I don't know what I would do!

Hang in there, and do talk about it. People here on PT are the most wonderful and encuraging types Ive had the pleasure of meeting. Know that you aren't alone, sometimes thats the best therapy in the world!!

Believe me, I am glad that I CAN discuss things with people on here and like sirrahbed said, it sometimes is better to talk to someone who has experenced this sort of thing instead of some therapist who most of the time doesn't have a clue.

My happy thoughts and prayers be with you!!

[moosmom]

DJFyrewolf36,

Actually, I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression, not Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Regardless, each disease is debilitating. I wholeheartedly agree with you when you say that we are all here for each other. No matter what, no matter where, let one of us know you're feeling down and out, and believe me, we'll be here! That's what friends are for!!!

[[email protected]]

A lot of the symptoms you describbed Sirrahbed is things i deal with often and it is scary...I have Bipolar disorder and in the past had some really bad episodes due to wrong meds given to me by a prescrion happy quck psychiatrist! Ever since then, I am afraid of Psychiatrists and so I am trying to manage depression with my family doctor and Zoloft, but the Zoloft isn't working for me, as i have been taking it for three months at 200mg per day and it hasn't made any significant difference in my depressions cycles. But, I will just deal with it one day at a time. Thanks for all the things you said, and all the things that you said too, Leslie, you are very helpful. I appreciate the time you both took in answering me. God Bless you!!!

[[email protected]]

Awww shucks you guys-I wasn't thinking right, you are both right that I should have put it in general...see, my mind just definitley hasn't been all here! Anyhow, thanks to all of you for such good advice, and kind concern. You are all friends to me, and I am a friend for you.

[leslie flenner]

You got back to your thread! Lots of people responded! Many, many of us have experienced depression and it is depressingly (lol) debilitating. I hope you will not shy away from exploring other medications and hope you are in regular counseling... I personnaly hate counseling but it does work! (i'm notoriuous for cancelling counceling appts. for various reasons!- yet i do feel better afterwards- go figure! self-sabatoge?)
Anyway, communicate with your treatment providers, sometimes a psychiatrist will make a change via phone, although mostly they insist on seeing the person before making a change. My psychiatrist is someone who is willing to call in changes to my pharmacy without seeing me- guess I got lucky! (or she's awfully busy!) Anti-depressant alone is not appropriate for bi-polar. There are neuological changes in the synopsis' in your brain that require a mood stabilizer- different from an antidepressant (i know you already must know this!!!). Once your brain starts feeling better, back comes some motivation, gradually the dark thoughts will lessen in frequency and duration. (Again, as i am sure you already know- i don't want to come across as "preaching to the choir"! Please keep us posted?! If you want to be cheered up tonight, go to the thread re: does your cat communicate? Not sure what catagory it's in but there is a wonderful video from Tubby and Peanut (hope i got that right!) that is so heartlifting!! So sweet and adorable! check it out!

[cubby31682]

I remember being 14 and doing things that I shouldn't have done. I got into drinking and drugs, I was very depressed. I was trying to help my mom through her battle with cancer, I was trying to help my dad with money. I was working 3 jobs, all with friends. I would bring money home to give to my dad (which he hated but he knew he needed the money) for gas, food, medication for him and my mother. I would bath, dress, and drain my mothers tubes. I would clean the house and get food on the table all before my dad got home and all before my brother had to go to work. My opinion at the time was, my dad had to eat because he had diabetes, my mother had to eat to stay strong to fight her illness, and my brother had to eat so he could go to work, I had no reason why I had toe at. I always lied to my dad and told him that I ate to much at school and I wasn't hungry, when in fact I was.

I remeber being in a very bad car accident when I was 10 two weeks later I became a women with all the changes. The person I was in the accident with, she never took me to the hospital, she never let me call my mom to tell her what had happened. I had a concusion, and a headache, she gave me 2 adult tylonal, and I fell asleep, I woke up 2 hours later with her and her kids out of the house, they all went down to the pool. I was left alone in her house after I fell asleep. I went down to the pool figuring that is where they went because we were on our way to the beach when we got in the accident. I went down to the pool and she picked me up and through me into the pool and told me to stay there because i wanted to go swimming. I got dizzy and wanted to get out of the pool and go home she told me NO that I had to stay in the pool until she said it was time to get out. After about 12 hours after the accident she took me home. I never said a word to my parents about it because she was right there. I was afraid. I told my mom I was tired so I went to my room and went to sleep. At 3 am the next morning, I woke up and ran to my moms room. I fell on the floor holding my belly because I was in so much pain. She picked me up and rushed me to the hospital, I had to explain everything that had happened the day before not knowing weather or not she would be mad at me for not telling her sooner. I almost lost my life because of the women I was in the accident with. She never wanted to take me in to the hospital and she was a nurse at that. I never understood why she did that to me and even to this day I still don't know why.

When I was 17 my mom went to California to see her family, my dad had a reaction because he didn't eat on time. I sat there and fought with him asking what he ate and when, he kept giving me the same answer. I would ask if he ate and he would say yes, then I would ask what he ate and he would say nothing. After I looked into his eyes and they were grey I knew I had to do something. I had to force feed him. He spit on me, he yelled at me, he kicked me and he never knew what he was doing. My brother came in and grabbed a steak and went to walk out of the house and I asked him if he wanted to know what was wrong with dad and all he said is yea sure, but it looks like you have it under control. I didn't under stand why I had to do everything to keep my family going. If I wouldn't have fed my dad he wouldn't have stayed alive. He ended up dieing 3 weeks later.

I am still dealing with his death. People tell me all the time that I show no emotion at all. In my mind I do show emotion just not the way people want me to. I don't cry in front of other but I cry all the time in my room, I refuse to let my husband see me cry.

I have asked my whole life why me. Why do I have to take care of my family. Why couldn't my brother help, why why why. My answer is always the same. If I wasn't there to drain my mom's tubes she would have died. If I didn't give my dad money we all would have gone with out eating. If I didn't force feed my dad he woldn't have lived. Even with those answers I am still very depressed. I have good days and I have bad days.

Sorry my post is so long, I just needed to get some of this stuff off my chest, some of it I haven't talked about in years. Sorry I didn't give much advice.

[DJFyrewolf36]

A cautionary note about meds:

Be sure to talk with your doctor about ANYTHING that happens as response to meds, especially mood stabilizers...in Virgina (this is why I have a problem with psychiatrists too, so you aren't alone there!) I got thrown into a mental hospital because someone said they saw me jump out a window . They put me on this weird med and it actually made me hallucinate! I was freaked out. I tried to tell them what was going on and they totally ignored me. (Turns out the place wasn't even medically licenced but thats a different story) Most doctors wont do that though. My family doctor was rather helpful in telling me how to figure out what meds were doing to me and was willing to talk with me so I could pinpoint what works and what doesn't. I agree with Leslie that you shouldn't be afraid to try new things and you shouldn't be afraid to tell your doctor when something isn't working or your having a bad reaction to it. They are there to help you.

I saw the kittes, sooo cute! I agree, that will cheer ANYONE up lol.