I will put it here in case it helps someone else. I am not ashamed at all. PTSD stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Usually people associate it with returning war soldiers who have witnessed horrors but it also happens to others such as survivors or rape, witnesses to murders, abuses or various trauma that cause feeling of fear of well-being, etc. Think about the students who were at school during the Columbine shootings, or the people who survived 9/11, the workers, etc. Anyone who already HAS PTSD is also likely to be triggered right NOW because of the instability in the world and on the news.

MDE is a Major Depressive Episode. Usually an emergency. I have had two, possibly three of them. They are severe depressions that make a person somewhat non-functional for a period of time and usually suicidal. I am prone to depression but MDE's are very different.

YES, anathiona, I often feel like a bad friend and family member - a bad mother and wife especially. How can you feel good when you can't seem to react to people the way you really WANT to? I recall the episodes as feeling like I was existing in mud or cement mixture, and even moving was such an effort! It wore me out to get from one place to the other! Try walking through mud up to your neck!

The worst thing about these illnesses is that they are not understood very well and people who are not familiar with them are afraid of them - tend to feel we can just "snap out of it" and get over it. I used to think that way too, until it happened to me!! I worked as an RN in my 20's and did a psych rotation. I had NO sympathy or much compassion for psych patients. I was afraid of them!!

While virtually everyone has some normal depression at times, I did not have a taste of clinical depression until my late 20's after my first child - just a normal post-partum depression but man was that scary! Anyone who has PMS may be able to identify a bit when they feel their brain temporarily take over - or a pregnant woman who finds she suddenly snaps or cries without knowing why? THAT is a tiny taste of what depression feels like.

PTSD is frightening. It has physical symptoms that go with the diagnosis. Best to look into google but some of them are sudden panics, heart racing. a startle reflex to sounds or sights, disturbing nightmares, sweats, flashbacks in time, insomnia, unable to concentrate, irritable, crying fits, tremor-trembling shaking hands, violent outbursts, depression, empty parts in memory, huge fears, isolation, etc...

anathiona...What can you do for yourself? Just being aware that something is wrong is already more than half the battle. If you can still force yourself out of isolation, maybe you can "ride out" the depressions. Do things for yourself that usually make you happy. Treat yourself well because you deserve it. Be aware that you tend to think badly of yourself when depressed but those thoughts are not true. If you can do that, you may just be OK without having to get help. If you have people to talk to, that helps ALOT!

I would definitely encourage you to keep talking - even if it is to PT folks. Professionals would probably not like that idea - sure, there are plenty of whackos here - but you can also find compassionate REAL people who will talk with you on the Internet. If you feel badly for months and months, or start getting worse, I would suggest talking to a doctor. It's no big deal-really! There are anti-depressants to try and I bet you will find that 1 out of every four people right here on PT have or are taking one of them